(Closed) Keeping baby name secret from family–is this normal?

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 47
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

We aren’t sharing our baby’s name either. One of the reasons we didn’t is so that people would stick to more practical items instead of monogrammed things.

Post # 48
Member
3696 posts
Sugar bee

My sister & her husband did this, as did some friends of mine, and I think it’s smart – we’re planning on doing the same thing. My sister and her husband decided to keep it quiet after they were discussing possible name choices and got a bunch of static about them from rude people; in my friends’ case, it turned out to be a really good decision, because when their little guy was born, they decided that the name they’d chosen just didn’t fit him, so they named him something else. You’d be annoyed if you monogrammed something for the baby and then found out they hadn’t used that name after all, wouldn’t you?

Post # 49
Member
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m going to go against the grain here – I think it’s kind of obnoxious to say that you know what the name will be but you’re not telling. I understand why, as a practical matter, you wouldn’t want to tell people and open yourself up to criticism, but why can’t you just say, “Oh, we haven’t decided yet”? Otherwise, I think it comes across as “na na, I know something you don’t know!” 

With that said, people definitely need to stfu about other people’s baby names. I had a close friend who named his child something that was (in my opinion) pretty ridiculous, and I was pretty open about my opinion on it. It wasn’t until later that I realized how rude and obnoxious I’d been, and now I make sure to keep my opinions to myself and just say, “Aww, how sweet! I can’t wait to meet little [so-and-so]!” 

Post # 50
Member
779 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think I would feel a little snubbed too! But I don’t think they mean it that way. Its peronally not something I would do, because to me it doesnt make sense and really has no pay off, but hey, to each his own.

Post # 51
Member
5268 posts
Bee Keeper

I plan to keep our babys name private also when I become pregnant. I dont even tell my friends what names I like cause I dont want people to steal them lol

Post # 52
Member
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@temporary:  I’ll echo other posters and say that you’re over-reacting. Darling Husband and I are keeping our baby’s name a secret until he arrives, mainly because we don’t want to hear a ton of suggestions and opinions from everyone and their dog. I’m sure there are a few people who I could trust to keep the name a secret and also not insult it, but it’s way easier to just have a blanket rule for everyone. Plus, it gives a surprise for everyone to look forward to since they already know the sex.

Post # 53
Member
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@KatieBklyn:  The problem with saying that you haven’t decided yet is that you then open yourself up to suggestions. Darling Husband and I learned this pretty quick (his family was very annoying about it, endlessly discussing it and sending us lists of suggestions even after we told them we didn’t need/want help with this as it is our decision), so he told them months ago that the name is decided and will be kept a secret until baby arrives, even though we’re actually still working on coming to an agreement!

Post # 54
Member
3378 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Honestly, this strikes me as just another way that people feel that they are entitled to every little detail about a pregnancy.  If the couple wants to share, great, but if not, honestly it’s nobody’s business.  I think it goes right along with how strangers feel like they can touch a pregnant woman’s belly and everyone feels like they can give out parenting advice.

 

I’m not PG yet, but when I am my Darling Husband and I will for sure not be sharing the name.  Partly because I don’t care to hear people’s opinions (we will make that choice between the two of us), but also because I think that’s something special that we would share just between the two of us.  Also, honestly, I’d like the freedom to change my mind when the baby’s born if I don’t think the name fits.

Post # 55
Member
1966 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My friend did this. I thought it was silly. Why tell me you’re having a girl but not the name. It bugged me even though it was stupid. Their kid they can do what they want just seems pointless to me. 

Post # 56
Member
1966 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t get the whole you get a lot of suggestions thing bc I don’t try to name anyone’s kid. We did get a lot of suggestions when I was pregnant but it didn’t bother me. Some of them were hilarious, gave us a good laugh. 

Post # 57
Member
551 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@temporary:  With everyone finding out the gender of their babies before birth these days, I think it’s fun to wait to find out the baby’s name! Also, some people don’t even decide on a name until the baby is born. When we have children, I don’t plan on sharing our baby names either. Don’t take it personally; they aren’t telling anyone! If your gift absolutely needs to be monogrammed, ask if they could at least provide the initials and that you will not share them. Or, if you are ordering online, maybe you could arrange something so they could call and add the name to the order number or they could type in the monogrammed name or initials without you watching (if they already know what you are buying them). Just some suggestions!

Post # 58
Member
923 posts
Busy bee

My cousin and her husband did this with ttheir second child and it was super annoying, but they also gave their son a stupid name so i understand why they wanted to keep it a secret as long as possible.

Post # 59
Member
2412 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@temporary:  yea i think your overreacting sorry hun, but only cos id be the same and i have a friend who is doing this – she wants the name to be a surprise because everyone knows shes having a boy. Aaaaaaaand also, every time u tell someone your name you love, someone has a negative comment to make about it so its easier not telling people.

Post # 60
Member
4282 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@temporary:  You are definetly overracting. I know a TON of people who have done this. In fact my cousin just revealed the gender last night and is keeping the name a secret until the birth.

Post # 61
Member
1006 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Definitely not something you should take personally.  Don’t forget- even if you say/think/have shown that you can keep a secret, your brother probably has tons of close family/friends who also say/think they can keep a secret.  It’s not really fair for them to tell some people and not others if they’re “keeping it a secret” and as soon as they tell someone and let them into the circle, they have to worry about that person slipping, or telling someone else they believe they can trust.  

It’s just more hassle. Example: When my cousin’s wife (who is my SO’s cousin- we met at their wedding) got pregnant, she told her mom (SO’s aunt) and told her to keep her mouth shut because it was around 6 weeks.  Well, SO’s aunt is super close with SO’s mom, so she told HER- and then told her to keep her mouth shut.  SO’s mom is close with him and I, so she told us and told us to keep our mouths shut.  I told my mom lol because I trust her to keep her mouth shut- and she was the only one in the chain that actually did which is fortunate because they really wanted to keep the secret from my mom’s sister (my cousin’s mom).  If the family is really excited about the baby, the same thing could happen there.  

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