(Closed) Keeping baby name secret from family–is this normal?

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 77
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

You are overreacting.

I get why you want to know, and it is sweet you want to get a personalised gift, but it is their baby and they don’t have to tell you if they don’t want to.

Post # 78
2268 posts
Buzzing bee

IMO, you’re overreacting.

What they choose to say or not say, do or not do, when it comes to THEIR child, is none of your business.

Feeling “snubbed” because a husband and wife (regardelss of the fact that he’s your brother) want to keep their child’s name between themselves until he or she is born, is silly.

Post # 79
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@temporary:  totally overreacting. You are the baby’s aunt.. That doesn’t give you rights. And if they are keeping it a secret its from everyone not just you. Ours is a secret because everyone has opinions and we don’t care to hear them

Post # 80
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@SadieBee:  +1000

I hate pregnancy because of how nosy people are.  They think everything is public domain and have the right to ask you a zillion private questions.  It really ruins it for me.  I’m just glad it’s only 40 weeks ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 81
8470 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

No. I don’t think you are overreacting. I can’t understand why couples keep the baby’s name a secret. It’s only a name. 

Post # 82
2268 posts
Buzzing bee

@SadieBee:  “Honestly, this strikes me as just another way that people feel that they are entitled to every little detail about a pregnancy.  If the couple wants to share, great, but if not, honestly it’s nobody’s business.


Post # 83
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Eh. My Darling Husband had a really strained relationship with his family and we didn’t end up telling them we were expecting until I was already in the 3rd trimester. We told them the gender, but not the name we picked out or the due date. Our situation was very different, but I think it’s ultimately up to the couple.

Post # 84
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m 30 weeks and no one knows our baby’s name. They know what where having (a girl) but DHand I decided to keep her name to ourselves. One reason is that we didn’t want anyone’s opinion about her name. Granted that’s bound to happen once she’s here but people’s opinions on my pregnancy during my pregnancy is driving both of us crazy. And what if she doesn’t look like the name we picked? Like we picked Kim but when she’s born she looks more like a Rachel… It’s just a personal choice. It’s really nothing against our close friends and family. Many of them tease us about it. I’ve had fun making up names to call her. Don’t take it personal.

Post # 85
11 posts
  • Wedding: October 2014

Definitely over reacting!!

Post # 86
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

This is definitely normal.

Your brother and his wife are probably already getting more of their fair share of people telling them “you should let me xyz because I’m family” and they’ll get even more of it when the baby’s born. Their right to privacy definitely trumps your ability to personalize their shower gift – no means no! 

I would ask your brother if there is maybe something they were nicknaming the baby before they knew the gender which they would like to have the gift personalized with, if it is that element of sentimentality you are looking to add.

I would avoid letting your SIL get wind of your wanting to know the name (or thinking you should know because you are family even after you were told they wouldn’t be sharing with anyone until they were ready). It won’t make you come off very well.

Post # 87
2123 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

@temporary:  I think this is very common. I didn’t know the sex or name of my future-niece-in-law until I met her the day she was born. It was such a lovely surprise to hold her and be told ‘this is …’. The pink clothes gave away her sex.

I’m planning on keeping the name of my future babies secret. I also don’t want to know the sex of my baby until it’s born so I won’t be able to tell anyone anyway ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 88
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@angela85:  that’s interesting! I remember when Denmark’s Princess Mary had her twins they werent named til their christening and the media was going wild trying to guess ;). Didnt lnow that happened in iceland too ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 89
4802 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think it is very normal for them not to share the name. 

Post # 90
20 posts
  • Wedding: August 2015

if you want to monogram gifts, just ask for the first initial :/

compromise?? ๐Ÿ™‚


Post # 91
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@temporary:  i think so.  We don’t know the gender of the baby, but we’re keeping the names secret too.  We just don’t want to hear what people think, since it was already hard enough to think of something we both like.  Also, I don’t want to be officially tied to a name until we actually SEE the baby.  I want the option to change my mind at the last minute without worrying that family members have already monogrammed things.

Honestly, I get a little sick of being pregnant, and the general attitude from a lot of people even that I barely know acting like I owe them personal details about what’s going on.  In just the last few days I’ve been asked how much weight I gained, if we’re planning to circumsize, and if I’ve started leaking from my nipples yet… At some point, you just kind of crave a little privacy!

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