Post # 1
All right ladies, I know this tends to be a tricky topic but I’d like some honest, but tactful opinions because I’m kind of torn.
First off, I’m not engaged yet however, I know he has the ring and we’re hiking a 14er on 8/8. 8 is my SO’s luck/favorite number. He keeps dropping hints and making sure I have taken 8/8 off from work. The signs are there, so I’m 98% positive that’s the date.
Anyway, one of my best friends is back in Colorado until the end of August when she’ll meet back up with her husband and move to Arizona. She also just found out she’s pregnant. I want her in my wedding and with the new development of a baby and living in a different state, I totally understood if she wouldn’t be able to participate. So I asked her to be in the wedding (premature but I know the wedding is going to be next year and I wanted her to have time to think it over). She squealed and said yes! At one point I was thinking she could be my maid of honor but changed my mind because of the above mentioned reasons.
She told me I should make an appointment to try on dresses while she’s here. This is where it gets sticky for me. August is really crazy for her, so the appointment would have to be at the end of July. First off, I feel kind of funny trying on dresses before I’m engaged, even if it was just a week and a half before hand. My mom and grandma live close and will want to be there when I try on dresses. I know they would get upset if a. I went without them b. I was trying dresses on before I had the ring.
However, I really want my friend to be involved and this is the only way she really can be. She told me that she went in to try on dresses before she and her husband were engaged. She said it wouldn’t be to find THE dress but to find out what styles look good.
So do I make the appointment and not tell anyone? Or I’m considering telling my friend that I think I should leave that for later, but I’d be willing to shop for other things with her?
I asked my other friend who I will most likely ask to be my maid of honor. She said I should go, just to figure out what style looks good.
What do you ladies think? Please be gentle with me!
Post # 3
No judgement here! Although the dress is totally not the thing for me, I see it as shopping like any other dress and I don’t think you need to be asked just to window shop. Ultimately YOU have to decide what is more important – that your friend is involved, or your family is involved. I tend to say honesty is the best policy because you may fall in love with a dress with your friend and then what? How do you explain that to your family?
Post # 4
I would not go and tell her that you dont want to get too far ahead of yourself before the engagement is official. You can ask her how much she wants to help you/be involved. Maybe you can set aside a night with her when she is here to have wine and flip through bridal magazines and make notes for things and ideas you like.
Then when it comes to dress shopping, decor etc you could always send her pics and ask for her opinion so she can be involved remotely.
Post # 5
Or maybe Skype the later (post-engagement/with family) dresscapade.
Post # 6
@WillyNilly: Good point about honesty. My family is be more than involved since they live so close and my parents will be paying for the wedding. I also liked your point about window shopping.
@ThreeMeers: I may just tell her that I think it’s a bit soon and that it’s an activity that is reserved for my family. I haven’t decided.
Post # 7
Why does it have to be August? If August is so busy for her, what’s wrong with September or October? I know the dress is the most fun part, but you’ll have plenty to do getting your budget set up, looking at venues, making a guest list, etc in your first few weeks that dresses can wait a bit.
Post # 8
@Krises: She’s only in town until the end of August. Since she’s pregnant and trying to find a house to rent in Arizona while her husband is finishing up stuff in South Carolina, she’s rather busy. Then she probably won’t be back in Colorado until after her baby is born or for our wedding.
It seems really important to her that she’s involved while she’s here.
Post # 9
Def. No judgement! 🙂 you are a sweetheart!.. I honestly wouldn’t want to go try on dresses before I was engaged, but that’s just me.. Not only would I personally come out of there a little bummed, but it would also take away how special it will be once you are engaged and planning the wedding.
Its a tricky situation because you want your family and friend to be there, and it’s not going to work out for your friend to come with you after August.. So that’s tough, but maybe she could end up taking a trip by you a few months from now? Is that a possibility?.. Im very close with my girlfriends and my mother, but I would Kways choose her first in that type of situation..
I really like the suggestion made by:
Have a magazine night! Or browse through Pinterest!
Post # 10
I think this is a decision only you can make. Since you and your SO already have discussed it and he already has the ring, I don’t see a problem with going now, just to look and make your friend happy. It’s not like you’re doing it behind your unknowing boyfriend’s back. And you can take your family dress shopping next time, so everyone will be involved. Unless you’re super uncomfortable with the idea, I would do it and have a good time with your friend.
Post # 11
@killerQueen13: Oh thanks! I never thought I’d be asking myself this question.It’s more for my friend than anything. I thought I could let the attendant know that I just want an idea of the styles that look good for when I come back with my family. I can’t do much else with her besides show her my current research and see what she thinks.
I don’t think she’ll be able to or want to travel once she goes to Arizona. She’s away from her husband for 2-3 months and I think especially with the pregnancy, they’ll want to focus on their family, which I completely understand. So I think we have to just make this time work and try to find middle ground that doesn’t hurt anyone’s feelings but keeps her involved.
Post # 12
@galloway111: That was kind of my inital thought. My SO knows I do a lot of wedding research and is fine with it; it’s kind of my personality to plan, plan, plan. And I’m really good at going shopping and staying on task. If it’s just to find a style – that’s what I’ll do. It would be really fun to have her there too.
Post # 13
Why don’t you go with her to try on bridesmaids dresses to see what style/color you want? It has to get done eventually, and you want to save YOUR dress for your family/after you have the ring. You can still do bridal things with your friend!
Post # 14
@jumpthegun: We could do that as well. I’m going to ask my grandmother to make the dresses and I have a vague idea of the style but I need more input. I know what color I want already, I think.
Post # 15
When I was “enaged to be engaged” I did not make any plans as if I were engaged.
I also knew the engagement was coming soon, but yet I still got a roommate for my house!! I acted as if it didn’t happen yet.
I think when he does pop the question and you’ve entered the engagement period, use that period to do all the engagement like stuff. Enjoy the anticipation stage right now. I know she wants to be involved, but you don’t have to accomodate her before the eggs are all hatched becasue there is a time window to do this! Enjoy each stage as it’s meant to be!
Do you know how long you’ll tentatively be engaged?
Post # 16
No judgement at all here either. I am also not engaged yet, but I have a feeling that it is coming up. I am not much of a birthday person at all, I used to be and it changed after my grandmother had passed away. Anyhow, I told my boyfriend we could totally just skip it altogether, and he has this amazing day planned in Las Vegas (we live in California), but we will also be attending a wedding the day of my birthday, and his Mother is turning 50 as well. I think he wants his family there when he asks me.. kind of makes sense. I am sorry, this is your post, and I am rambling.
Anyhow, I don’t think there is anything wrong with trying on dresses and finding your style. Maybe you won’t find “the one” until later, but at least you can get together an idea about it. Your family will understand if they do find out that you tried on a few dresses. There are likely to be more dress appointments, in which they can go to those.