Post # 1
My fiance and I are not sure what to do. He plays poker online professionally. He’s been doing it for a few years. When we were first dating he was articling as a lawyer. When he finished articling we did not tell my grandparents he was no longer doing law. They know he’s self employed and have never really asked any questions. I’m not close with the rest of my family on that side. I just saw my cousins for the first time in a year and they asked what my fiance is doing and I said he’s still doing insurance law. I feel really bad about lying but my grandparents would not be okay with the truth and they would probably take it out on my mom more than me. She had suggested that they didn’t need to know what he was doing before, but back then she probably didn’t think we’d eventually get married.
I’m concerned the truth will come out at the wedding. My cousins are nice people and I just think if they get to talking with our friends they’ll find out my Fiance is a professional poker player. People love to talk about this, especially friends who are lawyers. It would then get back to my grandparents who would not approve of the job or of being lied to. Also my uncle likes to upset my grandparents because he thinks they favour my mother, so if he found out he’d make it an issue.
I feel bad about lying but my main goal here is to maintain the peace in my family. Any suggestion for what we should do?
Post # 3
Why would it be hard to tell the truth? If he’s good enough to make regular money from it, then it’s not gambling in my books. He’s just a type of professional sportsman.
Post # 4
I would definitely try to tell them before they hear it second hand- then you can “spin” it however you like (not that I’m saying it’s bad, just that it generally will sound better coming from you).
Post # 5
@paula1248: I just think telling the truth would be difficult because I’m scared of them. Your view toward it and theirs are probably pretty different. I love them tonnes but they are pretty set in their ways and their views are difficult for me to understand. They also hate school and think being a student is a waste of time when one could earn money during that time… My father bought me an old fashioned (not digital) tv antena from a discount store a few years ago and gave it to me infront of my grandfather. My grandfather got really upset about how spoiled I am saying I didn’t deserve any gifts if I wasn’t working. My Dad argued with him, which is not typical. Then my grandfather didn’t talk to me for a year. I called to ask if I could come around and they said no.
Post # 6
Can you possibly ask your friends not to mention it? Or if it is brought up, make it sound like a honby. You can say he is still a lawyer (true, even if not practicing), just that he has been successfull lately with regard to playing poker (also true). Then start talking about insurance law, and evenyone will lose interest pretty quick.
Post # 7
@kerensa: When my fiance read the last line of your comment he said “this person is a genius!” I do think we might be able to ask our friends to do this, because it is a small wedding. Its a year a way so I have a little time to think about it and discuss with friends. I was really worried after spedning time with my uncle and grandparents on the weekend. They are just so difficult for me to figure out and I really want to maintain the peace so I can be involved in their lives.