Post # 31
your post confuses me. It sounds like they have carefully budgetted those few hundred dollara a month so that it doesn’t impact their responsibilities….
OP, I would be annoyed at this but my husband and I are fully joint finances so it wouldn’t make sense in our life. They both use to have to work Saturdays to support their family (she just didnt get paid!) and I don’t blame her for wanting to spend time with her husband now that they can afford it.
Post # 32
Wouldn’t bother me. If you want something extra, you work for it.
Post # 33
People end up doing a lot of mental gymnastics when they keep their money separate that make no sense. The fact is – you as a family have a limited amount of time and a limited amount of money. It’s up to you guys together to figure out how to spend that time and money. For her H, the value of gadgets is larger than the value of his saturday free time. All of this “his money, her money” bullshit is just a distraction from the issue. The ONLY way it is equitable in my opinion is if both members of the couple get the SAME amount of “fun” money to spend at their discretion, not a percentage or whatever else – since, as many suggested, his working necesitates her doing extra housework/childcare, thus it’s not an independent decision. They’re both working and raising a family, they should be equal partners.
I’d suggest, if possible, he cut down his work to every other saturday to compromise so he can balance his family time and work time and they should come up with a reasonable family budget for “toys” and “gadgets”. Or, if he insists on continuing on working, they both get a slightly increased “fun” discretionary budget.
Post # 34
Maybe a better way to put it is if they can’t easily afford his toys without a second job, and the margins are this thin, then I questioned whether his overall financial situation, ie not just income but assets, is one where it is responsible to spend on such luxuries at this time. OP says she thinks they may feel secure in that sense but doesn’t know for sure.
Post # 35
I think the difference is calling.
Say, if you worked Mondays to Fridays at a private hospital – that’s trading hours in life for paid labour. But what if your weekend job is both a passion, a calling and extra income? Like, if you worked at a non-profit or if you worked at a kitchen…maybe you enjoy cooking, maybe you enjoy flying and teaching people to fly, maybe you enjoy using your physician skills to bring health and happiness to people who can’t otherwise afford it. My dad’s day job is senior management at a micro and nanotechnology company, his weekend “job” involves tutoring under previleged kids at math and science. Likewise, I’m a medi student, but my weekend job is also teaching children – currently trying to get involved with a non-profit outfit that does this…but there’s a huge difference in what we have to do and what we want to do. I have to sacrifice mondays to fridays for school, I want to sacrifice my weekends to help improve children’s lives. That’s MY decision to make.
It honestly sounds with OP’s case that this is the latter, he enjoys the work on the weekends and the extra income and doesn’t want to give either up. I know OP says that her friend’s husband isn’t industrious – but the only evidence of this is that he doesn’t enjoy doing repairs around the house. This doesn’t exclude that fact that people who find a job they like can be more industrious at it than when it comes to doing chores; in fact, most people are probably wired that way. If you enjoy something, you enjoy working at it….if it’s something you find less important and are not a fan of doing (like fixing up the house) then maybe it takes you a little longer to “find time” to get it done.
To be honest though, this thread is a bit redundant…everyone’s marriages and particualrly finances within a marriage is soooo specific to that couple and their jobs, responsibilities, their idea of what is a fair burden of responsibilities vs a fair division of income and so on. The only real answer is to sit down and talk about it.
Post # 36
If you want something extra for yourself go work for it. Who knows maybe he’s saving for something he would like or maybe for you. Regardless just support your husband.
Post # 37
Yeah I think this is strange. Time is a very finite resource, he doesn’t get to unilaterally make the decision to work. And if he loves what he does so much that he doesn’t want to give it up to help around the house the financial benefits of that should go back to the whole family. A married couple is a team, decisions need to be made based on what’s best for everyone not just him.
Post # 38
I know this is not an extra-recent thread, but…
OP, from your posts it seems the wife is taking care of the household chores so that the husband can work an extra 16 hours.
If that’s the case, no, I don’t think he can keep all the money to himself. She’s picking up the slack doing unpaid housework so that *he* can rest when he’s home.
(Separate finances never made much sense to me, but if you’re splitting up pennies you should also split up unpaid housework and family care)
Post # 39
it’s up to him. If he wants to continue working then technically she could get a job and work Saturdays too. That way they could both have more independent spending money. Maybe her husband doesn’t want to give up his spending money.