(Closed) keeping our house clean and splitting the responsibilities

posted 10 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

looking forward to hearing responses on this.. weve live in our house a year and its overwhelming to keep it by myself… gone are the times where the wife stays home and cooks and cleans… i thought about a chore list…  do you have to go to you inlaws every weekend? maybe expressing desire to be at home will help

Post # 4
3538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My hubs used to be pretty messy but we kinda got into a routine

i.e I would be the last one home from work usually so hubs would start dinner and then I would come home have dinner together and then I would clean up.

I handle the washing.. that is my domain by choice. Im pretty picky how I want things done. So I make sure I keep on top of that.

You need to settle into a routine other wise you both develop the cant be bothered attitude.  So set the example.. if you want it clean, you take your dishes up to the sink and you sort it out… then my best trick is asking for help.. or asking him to do things.. i.e babe can you please help clean the living room? or if he leaves something laying around… i.e dirty dishes? I just tell him you left your dishes in the living room, can you go put them away?

I found once I started doing that (i pretty much did it for everything, i.e damp towel hung over the door instead of in the bathroom) he got sick of me asking and he just did it himself, got into the routine. Also if you do stuff together it helps.

And just setting time aside to do it helps (we have saturday mornings where we will do a major clean, wash floors, bathroom that kind of thing.. it takes about 30 minutes, if you do it weekly its not so much of a bad task) or if hes in the same room as you.. start cleaning or turn the vacuum on.. he will get the hint and start helping 🙂



Post # 5
641 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I have similar cleaning issues, and I have found that a routine helps A LOT.  I looked into the FlyLady system, and when you really make the time to do it, it works.  I will be starting it back up VERY soon.  Life was a little less chaotic when I had my routine that I was following.  The main points to this system that I liked was “Do it now” (it never takes as long to pick something up as you think), “Your house didn’t get like this overnight and it won’t get perfectly clean overnight”, “Even cleaning something imperfectly will make a difference on how you feel about your space”.  If you follow the “beginner baby steps” it will lay out the plan for you!

Good luck! 

Post # 6
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

That looks like a GREAT site! Thanks for the recommendation, I think I will try it soon.

Post # 7
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Do you read YHL? 

They are super organized and have some great posts on how they do it and their cleaning routine.  Maybe it could help you out? 


I used to have this other great blog bookmarked and she cleaned a little something everyday and it took her no more than 30 minutes – e.g. clearning bathrooms, vacuuming, etc.  I also remember her saying that every night before bed she just took 10 minutes to pick up around the house – e.g. the shoes she wore that day, a sweater she wore, etc.  Sadly, it seems she took down her blog, but it was full of great tips and tricks to clean quickly.  

Anyway, if doing a few things during the week wouldn’t work for you, could you and your husband set aside a few hours on Saturdays to clean/organize before you go to your in-laws?

I also stumbled across this blog that might be helpful: http://www.creativeorganizing.typepad.com/

Post # 8
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@mrstilly: I used to teach healthy relationship classes to a variety of people (mostly men convicted of domestic violence), and this was often an issue.

Here are some tips I suggested:

1. Chore charts. For some people, this might need to be really explicit, where you sit down and make a list of everything that needs to be done daily, weekly, monthly, etc. and then you divide it up. My partner and I don’t plan things down to that detail level, but we do plan our meals each week and do about an even split of each of us cooking dinners. Whoever doesn’t cook has to do the dishes/clean counters/sweep the kitchen.

2. For clutter, the hardest part is getting started.Set a timer for 15 minutes and just pick stuff up until it goes off. Another tip I’ve heard is always put three things away before bedtime.

3. Put on a radio show (we like Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me) or some music and do a bigger clean once a week, together, and then go get a coffee or a muffin after as a treat. If you make it something you do each week, together, it can become a part of your relationship.


I will say that I like things to be pretty clean and organized, and my partner doesn’t care at all. We come from different families who have totally different styles of living. But its all about compromise. His side of the bed is away from the door, so I don’t have to see it when I look in the bedroom or go in at night, and he lets it get pretty messy. He usually cleans it up every other week. His desk is a space I”ve just learned to “let go of” and it gets out of control. He’s in medical school, and so I probably compromise a little more than I used to. But if something is really bothering me, I try to let him know nicely, before I’m angry about it.

I remember a while ago I found a site called “chore wars” which might be better with kids, but who knows, I’m sure some couples would love it. Basically you assign points to chores and then play this online game using the points you get.

Good luck! Oh- and remember, your house will never look like a magazine all the time. They clean forever, and hide their garbage cans and stacks of bills before the cameras come over. Your house should look lived in- it is!

Post # 10
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Dear Fiance and I have a chore chart and we rotate doing different things.  It used to be every week, but we just got too busy and now we aim to do it every other week. 

Post # 11
1870 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Okay, I don’t know what your income is like, but honestly, even if it’s a bit of a stretch, a weekly cleaning service is worth it, In My Humble Opinion.

The daily maintenance (which I think of as “decluttering” or “tidying” versus actual cleaning) is a routine you have to figure out together, but we found that the truth is, we don’t clean things up as soon as we should (like wipe down the stove after using) and instead leave them for “Sunday morning cleaning extravaganza.” I’m not proud of our habits, but they are our habits. We realized that rather than giving up half the day, we were more than happy to put some of our disposable income to have someone over to do all the cleaning. It has made us much happier–AND encouraged us to be tidy enough during the week because otherwise, she can’t do her job on the weekend!

Something to consider…

Post # 13
641 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

 to OP and 

View original reply
@passionfruit23:  FlyLady works in zones, so each week is a different zone in your house (ex, week 1 is the kitchen, use that week to get all the kitchen stuff done, week 2 is living room, use your time in the living room that week).  This doesn’t mean to neglect the other rooms, it just means that’s where the focus of the major cleaning will be that week.  A few friends of mine started a little group on facebook and used that to be accountable to each other.  it worked really well and we all started the baby steps on the same day!  We might start up again before the holildays.

Fiance and I argue about cleaning all the time, mostly because my Fiance came from a situation like yours (fishermen), where Mom did the housework.  I came from a more chaotic home with lots of kids and one parent.  Things got done when they did, and cleaning wasn’t our top priority.  I know how frustrating those arguments can be!  Good luck with your charts and routines, PM me if you want to join the FB group!

Post # 14
8 posts
  • Wedding: July 2010

Well, my hubby tricked me into thinking we were going to split chores. up until the wedding he would clean like a slave. we would tag team scrub the house faithful. After the ” I do”… it all disappeared : (

Post # 15
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Before DH moved in with me, I was donig 100% of the cleaning. It lasted until about 2 weeks into us living together, then I lost it. Now we clean together every Sunday, but if we aren’t home on Sunday it happens Monday or Tuesday after work. The trick is doing it together (if possible) so you’re sort of holding each other accountable. Oh and also I gave DH the choice of what he wanted to do cleaning-wise so he could get ‘more excited’ about it. Believe it or not, it totally worked. He chose the floors and takes total ownership over keeping them clean, including doing all the research and picking out our new vacuum. He also LOVES to clean surfaces, it gives him a lot of joy.

I would also suggest that if you own your own home, have a dishwasher installed. It’s worth the $. We refuse to ‘downgrade’ to an apartment without one b/c we are so busy and work so hard and long hours that it just isn’t worth it to save a couple of bucks. Two people go through so many dishes, we would be constantly washing them. Add on top of cooking dinner and grocery shopping a couple times a week, forget it we’d never rest.

Post # 16
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Oh and I am also a lazy/messy person by nature, so I will chime in on keeping neat on a regular basis. What really helps me is having an organized closet. It isn’t too full, I can access everything and each piece either has it’s own hanger or ‘spot’ in the drawer. I also make myself go through it once a month to get rid of things I don’t wear anymore. And I forbit myself to undress without putting clothes in their proper place, no piles allowed. It takes an extra minute and saves tons of stress. But organizing the closet is your first step.

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