- 10 months ago
- Wedding: August 2015
TLDR: my best friend’s experience of motherhood is making me sad that I will lose my identity when I have kids. What are your experiences?
Im 30 and I’m at a stage in life where suddenly everyone is having babies! My first friend to have one happens to be my best friend from university. We live 4 hours apart since 2013 but have remained close, text most days, call once a week and see each other every 6-8 weeks for a weekend together.
My Darling Husband and I are thinking about starting a family next year once he has some work travels out the way and I’ve finished my last professional exams. With the way maternity pay works in my current job, unless I have a baby in the next 2 years before my contract runs out, it would probably be another year or so after that before we could have one. I have stage 3 endometriosis which I’ve been told could affect my fertiiity, and hypertension which itself makes pregnancy high risk.
What I’m getting at is, it makes sense for us to start a family soon!
But my best friend is seriously putting me off. Rational me knows that she is overly anxious and doesn’t have much help from her (useless) husband, but she is SO stressed all the time. She hasn’t been “out” since her baby was born (7 months ago) because she’s Boyfriend or Best Friend and says baby doesn’t soothe as well with a bottle so she can’t go out.
She hasnt had sex this year.
She spends all day going to different baby groups day in and day out.
She’s so behind on her cleaning and only eats ready meals.
She literally updates me on what baby has eaten, shat and wearing. I love her girl but Christ, I just want a bit of adult conversation y’know?
This one is going to sound weird, and obviously I don’t know what it’s like to have a baby, but last time I saw her when baby was 6 months, she still doesn’t go to the toilet or shower or make a cup of tea without her. She freaks out when the baby cries because she says it’s detrimental to their development, so the last time I saw her for a weekend, the baby didn’t cry because she just dropped literally anything she was doing for even a pulled face.
Im probably being a bitch. But this isn’t selling motherhood. I adore children but I also love being a wife, having a great career… generally having my shit together.
I’m hoping that others’ experiences will tell me it doesn’t have to be like this?
(I know my Darling Husband will be more hands on so I don’t anticipate it feeling quite as stressful as this??)