(Closed) Keeping your savings a secret?

posted 8 years ago in Money
Post # 17
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I’m for full disclosure. Even if you don’t make joint accounts and put his name on that money, it’s his right to know it exists. If my Fiance kept that from me, I’d be hurt and wonder why. There’s no reason for him not to know.

Post # 19
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Two things:

1) it depends on how you two plan to handle your money. Is he expecting that you’ll completely combine accounts if you get married? If so…you need to discuss what that means.

2) i feel like you should be honest that you have savings set aside, but I don’t know that you need to be specific about the dollar amount. My Fiance and I both have personal savings but we’ve never sat down and said “this is how much money I have”…if expenses come up (i.e., our wedding), we discuss what we can afford to spend and go from there. For us it’s not a big deal but that might partly be due to the fact that we’ve never planned to combine all our money.

Post # 20
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m chiming in to say that once you’re engaged, he needs to know as part of your discussions about finances and planning for the future. I was very careful to give my Fiance his space when we were just dating, but now that we’re engaged, we’ve put all the financial cards on the table, including the ones that have been difficult to talk about. 

And PP makes an excellent point that if you worry that he’s going to talk you into spending it unwisely, that’s a big indication that the two of you are not a good financial match in terms of values/style.


Post # 21
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t think you need to give him the exact dollar figure but letting him know that your savings are “substantial” would be the right thing to do.  Otherwise, it could easily be mis-interpreted and while your intentions are perfectly good, it does leave you at risk for a big misunderstanding which might be really painful.

FWIW $60k may be a bit too much to just park in a savings account for an emergency fund. You might want to look into moving some of it to treasury bills, bonds or another very low risk investment that at least pays better interest than your savings.  CD’s are usually a great choice but they’re not paying great rates currently.  Just a shame to see all that money sitting there and not growing. Talk to your bank– in person, not on the phone– let their staff explain the different types of investment, what account fees (shouldn’t really be any on these investments) and how long after putting your money there you’d be able to access it.

Post # 22
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I’d let him know that you have a good amount of saving but make it clear that this is your money and you are going to use it for emergencies and things like that.  Since you have so much money you may want to think about investing it in at least some CDs and bonds so that it can contiune to grow.

Make sure that he also shares about his finances.  My mom (who has been married for almost 30 years) has her own private account.  She didn’t tell my dad about it at first and he found out and was pissed.  It’s better to let them know, but also know what you plan on using it for.

My Fiance knows about my savings, how I paid for my first degree, and I will keep him up to date on any student loans that I had.  I also know what he has and what student loans that he has.

Post # 23
1919 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

When you talk about how you are going to handle your finances in marrige, I would definitely tell him. it doesn’t mean you have to make that account joint or that you have to start using it. It is still your money but I think you should have full disclosure with someone you are going to marry.

Post # 24
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Well, my fiance and I didn’t talk about money specifics until after we were engaged.  We did talk about money handling in general, what each of us would think was appropriate to spend on various things, how we budget, but I didn’t know how much he made nor he how much I made until after we were engaged.  I knew he made pretty good money, he knew I was getting by with careful budgeting, he knew I had college loans, we each knew that the other had no credit card debt, I knew about some of his investments (general, not specific), but…exact numbers?  No.

However, once we were engaged we sat down and talked specifics: how much each of us brings home, how much he could expect to make in the future with his job and investments, what size house in what area we could afford, etc.  I do think you need to be able to be open about this once you’re engaged.  Make sure before the engagement that you’re on the same page about money in general, and then the specifics will fill in easily.  I mean, this man will be your husband, the man whom you presumably trust above everyone else on this planet.  If you can’t trust him about money, then you absolutely shouldn’t be marrying him. 

Post # 25
478 posts
Helper bee

There are definitely people who are of the school of thought that a woman should always have some of her own money and he should not have access to it and perhaps not even know about it.  The sad reality is, when spouses separate or leave, it is the woman usually left with the children, putting her in more of a financial bind than him.

But in the end, it may be hard to keep that kind of money a secret.  and i can definitely see it being something you don’t want to split in case of separation. i don’t know anything about prenups, but . . .

Post # 26
15203 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I was in the same situation.  I ‘hid’ a huge amount of money, or didnt disclose money to my huband (bf at the time).  We just werent in a position where he needed to know.  I didn’t tell him until after we were engaged and we were buying a house exactly how much I had and how much we truely had to spend.

Post # 27
7768 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@leavethepieces:  There is actually and established term:  it is called financial infedelity.  It is not appropriate to keep this from someone you are entering into marriage with.  Be honest and give your SO a chance to respect your feelings about it.  I know my SO would respect me for wanting to keep it for emergencies, but you need to respect him by being honest and give him the chance to respect you.  Honestly, communication, and respect = success in a relationship.

Post # 28
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We still haven’t figured out how to do our finances but he knows roughly how much I have in savings and in debt. We’re both happy with that arrangement for now. 

Post # 29
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I wouldn’t tell him until you are engaged.  I didn’t know how much DH had in savings until right around then, it really wasn’t any of by business.  But for us anyway merging finances and what not was more of a process throughout the engagement, not a sudden change after the wedding.  

Also look at it this way . . . a conversation about how to handle this money (use it towards a house/retirement fund/whatever) will be a good start to making sure you all are on the same page financially. 

Post # 30
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

View original reply
@MrsKittyMt:  that is a valid point (he’s still a BF). I would definitely think you are obligated to give him an idea of how much you have stashed if you were discussing finances after engagement. 

Post # 31
8469 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think you should tell him.  You are building a life TOGETHER and will be using that money towards your future as husband and wife. 


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