Post # 1
Darling Husband and I were married in October and I kept my name. We were introduced at the reception with our respective last names and all of the mail correspondence since then has used my last name. As we are getting Christmas cards I notice that the majority of them are addressed to either Mr. And Mrs. (His name) or mr and mrs. (Hisfirstnamehislastname). It does bug me because it’s not my name! I know it’s probably not intentional (although in a few cases I know it is).
How do I go about reinforcing my actual name? I really would like to be addressed by my actual name. Do I say anything? Or be subtle? I don’t want to come across as rude, but I don’t want it to become a pattern either. Any advice?
Post # 3
@hollyberry4: It’s not intentional. It’s just an assumption by people that you probably changed your name. If it bothers you that much, send them a Christmas card in return with the appropriate names.
FWIW, I have the opposite problem. I did change my name, yet get called by my maiden name all the time. My business is under my maiden name (I’m a photographer) and so even though I’m married and changed my name, I didn’t chance my business name. I’m always referred to by my maiden name. I guess I just figure there are bigger things in life to get upset about – and how people address me isn’t one of them. I don’t bother to correct anyone.
Post # 4
@hollyberry4: If someone accidentally calls you by his last name I think it is okay to correct them. If you ever send mail or Christmas cards out to the people who have made the mistakes make sure you address the envelope as being from his last name and your last name. If you wanted to be over the top you could even sign your first and last name 😛 Otherwise, there really isn’t much you can do. Even though it’s more popular now to keep your own last name people will still assume that you changed it. I think I would be more insulted if someone continued to call me by my maiden name even when I changed my name than the other way around.
Post # 5
@hollyberry4: in these exact instances, you could send your own card back with your name pointedly signed on it, alongside your husband’s.
Post # 6
@hollyberry4: If I were you, I would try to help solve this problem in the future by ordering return address labels (holiday ones and regular ones, too) that are in the format of:
Mr. John E. Doe and Ms. Jane Smith
12345 Any Street
Anytown, State, 00000
That should help get the message across to your Christmas-card list for future years and also to anyone else with whom your correspond throughout the year.
Post # 7
I already sent out my cards and the return address labels do have my last name. I signed the inside of the cards with our name only though. *sigh*
Post # 8
I don’t really think it’s a big deal. My husband’s aunt is a successful CEO who kept her last name but she doesn’t throw a fit when people address her as Mrs. M.
Post # 9
People may have assumed and/or may be lazy addressers who only want to put one name. I wouldn’t worry about it for mail. I think it would be way too awkward to call them out on it since it would have to be later. It would seem like you had been stewing on it and that it was a big deal. I would just correct people if you can do it immediately, if they say it in person.
Post # 10
@hollyberry4: I had a problem addressing a card to someone who kept their name. I know they kept it cause I got their card first, and she put “HerFirst HerLast & HisFirst His Last” in the return address. They also have a child with his last name. So how would you suggest I should have addressed the card. I also want to include the child but tt would be MUCH too long to say “HerFirst HerLast & HisFirst & BabayFirst His Last”… it’s technically “wrong” to just say “The HisLast Family”. How am I “supposed” to address that card.
Post # 11
It’s just a lot easier for them to only write one name. Don’t worry about it.
Post # 12
@pinkshoes: Personally I would hyphenate or use an &, e.g. to the Smith-Jones family or to the Smith & Jones family.
Post # 13
@MRSsrm85: I wasn’t throwing a fit. My preference is for people to call be my my actual name…. How is that throwing a fit? I have not said anything to anyone about it and was asking for advice on how to address it politely.
Post # 14
@AlwaysSunny: thanks… That’s probably a good idea. I just don’t want them to address me that way for years and then find out and feel embarrassed or something. Like “why didn’t you tell me sooner!” I know I would feel bad if I was addressing someone with the wrong way for a long time!
Post # 15
@pinkshoes: it is trickier when addressing a family! I havent really thought about it since I don’t have kids… But maybe “his name her name and family?” I also like the hypenates idea.
Post # 16
@Brielle: that’s a great idea about the return address labels! I think right now ours are only in my name (gotta love the free ones from charities!). thanks!