(Closed) Kept my name but everyone addresses me with his… What to do?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
6586 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@hollyberry4:  It’s not intentional. It’s just an assumption by people that you probably changed your name. If it bothers you that much, send them a Christmas card in return with the appropriate names.

FWIW, I have the opposite problem. I did change my name, yet get called by my maiden name all the time. My business is under my maiden name (I’m a photographer) and so even though I’m married and changed my name, I didn’t chance my business name. I’m always referred to by my maiden name. I guess I just figure there are bigger things in life to get upset about – and how people address me isn’t one of them. I don’t bother to correct anyone.

Post # 4
1797 posts
Buzzing bee

@hollyberry4:  If someone accidentally calls you by his last name I think it is okay to correct them. If you ever send mail or Christmas cards out to the people who have made the mistakes make sure you address the envelope as being from his last name and your last name. If you wanted to be over the top you could even sign your first and last name 😛 Otherwise, there really isn’t much you can do. Even though it’s more popular now to keep your own last name people will still assume that you changed it. I think I would be more insulted if someone continued to call me by my maiden name even when I changed my name than the other way around.

Post # 5
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@hollyberry4:  in these exact instances, you could send your own card back with your name pointedly signed on it, alongside your husband’s. 

Post # 6
11422 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@hollyberry4:  If I were you, I would try to help solve this problem in the future by ordering return address labels (holiday ones and regular ones, too) that are in the format of: 

Mr. John E. Doe and Ms. Jane Smith
12345 Any Street
Anytown, State, 00000

That should help get the message across to your Christmas-card list for future years and also to anyone else with whom your correspond throughout the year.

Post # 8
3229 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t really think it’s a big deal. My husband’s aunt is a successful CEO who kept her last name but she doesn’t throw a fit when people address her as Mrs. M.

Post # 9
7560 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

People may have assumed and/or may be lazy addressers who only want to put one name. I wouldn’t worry about it for mail. I think it would be way too awkward to call them out on it since it would have to be later. It would seem like you had been stewing on it and that it was a big deal. I would just correct people if you can do it immediately, if they say it in person. 

Post # 10
14659 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@hollyberry4:  I had a problem addressing a card to someone who kept their name.  I know they kept it cause I got their card first, and she put “HerFirst HerLast & HisFirst His Last” in the return address.  They also have a child with his last name.  So how would you suggest I should have addressed the card.  I also want to include the child but tt would be MUCH too long to say “HerFirst HerLast & HisFirst & BabayFirst His Last”… it’s technically “wrong” to just say “The HisLast Family”.  How am I “supposed” to address that card.

Post # 11
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

It’s just a lot easier for them to only write one name. Don’t worry about it. 

Post # 12
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@pinkshoes:  Personally I would hyphenate or use an &, e.g. to the Smith-Jones family or to the Smith & Jones family.

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