(Closed) ketubah drama

posted 10 years ago in Jewish
Post # 3
2 posts
  • Wedding: April 2009

Just wrote a long resopnse and then deleted it accidentally!

Don’t focus on the crosses or the intermarriage as a reason not to have him sign. But the overall feeling may not be right, and you should say to your fiance that you want to have someone who is more on your level/wavelength than this person.  I’m sure he can work out a way to smoothly break the news to the friend that you are having a diffent witness.  Have people surrounding your wedding who you vibe with – no negative energy! But it may be hurtful if you criticize the wife and the kid’s crosses.  (Hitting is a whole different story, but in reality not your business.)  Just get him out of the wedding party if he doesn’t fit for you. 

Post # 4
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018 - Ritz Carlton, Marina Del Rey

I think Sheifetz’s advice is great.  Focusing on the intermarriage and the crosses would be hurtful and unproductive. But have you shared with your fiance the idea that you’d prefer a ketubah witness who had a more meaningful connection to Judaism?  Surely, your fiance would understand?

And maybe it would be easier to have this discussion if you were to share your thoughts with your rabbi; my sense is that the most liberal of reform rabbis would prefer a ketubah witness who, even if s/he was not Jewish, identified with Jewish values of respect to one’s family and tikkun olam.  It’s not particularly important to us that our ketubah witnesses be shomer shabbas, but at the very least, we’d like the ketubah to be signed by witnesses who identify with Jewish traditions and values in some meaningful way.

Post # 6
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Wow. I understood and identified with you until your second post. Regardless, I don’t think this person should sign your ketubah, not because he has issues of his own, but because you seem to have an enormous amount of issues with him.

Post # 7
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

@Rebecca, I totally agree with everything you said!

Post # 8
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Thank you Rebecca…I could not think of a way to say what I wanted to say and you did! 

The topic ‘ketubah drama’ is closed to new replies.

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