(Closed) Ketubah signing… what about not seeing each other before the ceremony?

posted 12 years ago in Jewish
Post # 3
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Well, the ketubah signing is a very big part of "the actual ceremony," so you’re not really going against the tradition. It’s just that you’ll see him for the first time that day in a private room with the rabbi and witnesses, rather than when you walk down the aisle.

If you’re going to sign a ketubah, you might as well take pictures before the event. We did this, and I’m so glad we did. We got our pictures done when my hair and makeup were freshest, and we had much more time to take the pictures.

Post # 4
29 posts
  • Wedding: July 2009

Not sure if you’ve already made plans as this was posted a month ago, but from what I understand, the tradition is that you spend the day fasting because the wedding day is holy and considered to be kind of like your own person Yom Kippur – its also why a lot of people go to the mikvah that day as well.  (As a reform Jew, I am going to skip the whole fasting part because nobody wants to see a bride faint during the ceremony). 

The Ketubah part comes next where you, your husband to be, the two non-blood related witness and the rabbi sign the ketubah which lays out your obligations to each other.  In the eyes of the Jewish religion after the Ketubah is signed you are married – the ceremony part is for the rabbi to give you your seven blessings and for the public to see you.  The Ketubah is the most important part of the wedding ritual.

Then the veiling ceremony or badeken – basically your husband puts the veil on you to ensure that you are the right bride and to make sure he isn’t getting tricked like Jacob was when he married Leah instead of Rachel.

Then you have the public ceremony.

Again, this is from my limited experience but there is nothing strict about not seeing each other – which is why as long you’re not getting married on Saturday or if your temple is ok with it then having pictures before the ceremony is totally fine.

Post # 5
8 posts

The notion that it’s bad luck to see each other before the ceremony is what my mother would call a “white bread” tradition, ie it’s all-American (like white bread) and has nothing to do with her daughter’s (my) future wedding. Haha. Ohhhh Jewish mothers. The tradition of the bedeken goes all the way back to Jacob’s weddings to Leah and Rachel…wayyy before it became bad luck to see each other.

Take advantage of the first look this situation puts you to and take pre-ceremony pictures. That will leave you free to take more creative pictures during cocktail hour, mingle with your guests, or take some time for the two of you and eat your meals sitting down so that you can talk to guests during dinner.

Post # 6
58 posts
Worker bee

The bedeken is where this is dealt with.

Usually the groom checks under the veil to see if he is marrying the right girl and it is prior to the ketubah signing. In our case, our rabbi had us look into each other’s eyes (and there was no unveiling) and think about our lives in 10, 20, 40 years. It was a wonderful way to “see” each other for the first time.

Post # 7
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

The whole ‘bad luck’ thing is a bit of a WASPy superstitition.


The Bedecken is where Jewish couples see each other for the first time – it is SUCH  a beautiful tradition!

Post # 8
5 posts
  • Wedding: March 2011

There is no rule about not seeing each other before the wedding, remember how Jacob got tricked?

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