(Closed) Kicking a Bridesmaid out… Tips?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

If you boot her, realize that you will never be able to be friends again. She will hold this over you forever. You should have just told her no in the first place.

If you are dead set on asking her to step down, I’m sure she will cause drama, so you should not invite her to the wedding either.

Post # 3
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

If you boot her, realize that you will never be able to be friends again. She will hold this over you forever. You should have just told her no in the first place.

If you are dead set on asking her to step down, I’m sure she will cause drama, so you should not invite her to the wedding either.

Post # 4
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m not trying to be snarky or rude, but you do “sound” like you’re immature or maybe just young. This whole situation sounds juvenile in a “I don’t know if I want to invite her to ride in the limo before prom” kind of way. 

Ultimately, it sounds like you don’t like the girl, so you need to handle that first. Stop being so wishy washy thinking that this is just about a wedding. Your issues with her are deeper than just whether or not she should be a bridesmaid.

Post # 7
Member
5 posts
Newbee

I had almost the same scenario happen to me, minus a few things lol….My fiance had asked my brother to be a groomsman cause they became really close through the time that we had been dating, I had a coworker/friend that had assumed from the get go that she would not only be included in the wedding party, but that she would automatically get the slot right after the Maid/Matron of Honor (my sis)…not so much.  I did agree to have her in the wedding party at first, then she showed a side of her that I really didnt appreciate…and really had nothing to do with helping me with planning, other than worrying where she was going to be staying for the wedding since its a destination wedding. Shortly after I got engaged, I transferred to another location of our company and I predicted what ended up happening….I barely heard from her and she continued down a road in her personal life that I didnt want to be around my friends and family for a week during the wedding (FYI, she had made moves on all of the groomsmen at different points throughout the engagement, and some of them are married!!!!)…my brother and I are super close so I consulted him on what to do…he is a teacher and was unsure of what time he wouldbe allowed to take from work, so he graciously bowed out of the wedding party and suggested I just tell the Bridesmaid or Best Man that I needed one less person….when I told her my decision I explained that I would love to have her at the wedding still, but I was put i a difficult spot of choosing who to ask to step down…and my sister and cousin were NOT an option…and the third Bridesmaid or Best Man not only has taken my engagement pictures and sat with me to make EVERY single DIY item for the wedding, she has shown me that she is honored to be a part of my day by being a part of the process….all in all, the EX Bridesmaid or Best Man understood….

I hope things get better for you, or that our words have been helpful in aiding you to make a decision….

Post # 8
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

As someone that has been kicked out of a wedding, I would say just do it. The bride and I grew apart and I put no effort towards planning/helping for the wedding. I had the dress, spent alot of money on a bach party, bridal shower… all with anger towards the bride. I loved her but we were in different points in our life and I was just trying to get it overwith. When I got kicked out, it was the happiest moment and best thing. BUT I was stuck with a dress, and all that money spent (the bridesmaids paid for the entire bach party…)

If you are going to kick her out, the sooner the better. And from what I can tell, if you don’t her presence will just annoy you and you will feel like it is a burden having her there. 

Now the bride that kicked me out, she texted me…The bride texted “it just doesn’t seem like you are excited about being in my wedding anymore, and since Dan isnt in the wedding anymore maybe it would be best if you didn’t have to be a bridesmaid” 

something like that, can’t remember exactly. Clearly your wording would be a little different but as a side note- I still went to the wedding and I still talk to the girl.

Just wanted to give you a story from someone kicked out of a wedding. I think you will be so much more happy if you just do it!

Post # 9
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MrsJMLtoBe: What is the big secret that you found out that was so bad to begin with?

 

Post # 10
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@EsqBailey: Sorry OP, but I agree, this all sounds extremely juvenile. People are allowed to have secrets, I think your reaction is way over the top. And of course she was hurt – you kept telling her she was going to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, then as soon as you got engaged were like oh by the way you’re NOT my Maid/Matron of Honor. And I find that if I want my BMs with children to not bring them to a certain event, I usually have to give them a heads up, they don’t always realize what I think is and isn’t appropriate for their kids to be coming along.

If you don’t want her in your life, fine, go ahead and kick her out. But it sounds to me like you definitely had a part in all this drama.

Post # 11
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Like people had said your best letting her down now than waiting for everything to blow up later, maybe you will find out she feels the same way if she is mature enough. If she is not, she will throw another fit and you will loose her as a friend. But you have to stand up for yourself if you feel this situation is only going to get worse.

Post # 12
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree with the first person

Post # 14
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

But yea, just kick her out. I had a Bridesmaid or Best Man that is no longer a Bridesmaid or Best Man and it is MUCH LESS STRESSFUL. Ofcourse we are not friends anymore lol but not having her as a friend has felt like… you know when you are really really constipated and finally take a good poop? How relieved and cheerful you feel? Thats what it was like. One of my friends asked me to come with her to try on dresses when she got engaged.. I was really excited.. we were pretty young.. or at least I was. I did ask if I could try one on (before we  even went) and she said NO! I wasn’t hurt or anything.. and now that I am a bride I can understand where she was coming from. She wanted all focus to be on her… But ofcourse when I went dress shopping she kept saying over and over that she wanted to try one on… lol Woah.. totally got off topic.. just kick her out. 

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