- 3 years ago
So this is going to be long because I want to be clear.
Lets call this BM Jill.
Jill is single, she lives in a small bachelor apartment with no pets. She works a short 10 minute walk from her home. Jill’s personality is to be overwhelmed easily by doing everyday tasks. If she goes away for one night it takes her a week or more to “catch up” on all the errands she has to do (laundry, dishes, buying a dress?). She’s always late but sometimes is prompt when I need her to be.
One thing I asked Jill when asking her to be a BM is to respond in a timely manner. We were out one day and she said “hey, I’d like to do your envelopes just let me know what you want on them and I can copy it”. I said that would be great and asked how much time she would need, she said 2 weeks. I said I’d give her a month so she’d have more time with them. I gave her a list of addresses (about 30), markers and the envelopes. I said I needed them by Aug 9.
Aug 9 rolls around and she says she needs more time. So I said OK, give them to me the following Thursday. Thursday rolls around and I say “you know what, give them to me when I see you Sunday (Aug 17)”. She said OK. Sunday rolls around and she says she’ll need till Saturday. I say OK but I really need them. Saturday rolls around and I call to remind her and she says she’d really like till Monday Aug 25. I say fine but again I really need to get these out. Monday rolls around and she says sorry she forgot she was going to the city to buy a dress that night so she can’t meet with me. I said well give them no later than Wednesday and she agrees. Wed. comes and she just doesn’t respond to any of my messages.
Please note that this whole time, even during the month I gave her I kept saying that if she didn’t have time or couldn’t deal, that I didn’t mind doing it.
So last Thursday I message her and say I’m just going to do them myself, asked her if she’s OK and that I was disappointed. No response. Sent her another message, no response. Sent another message today about the bachelorette this weekend to confirm that she’s still coming. Finally get texts back from her saying sorry and that she feels badly that she couldn’t do it and shouldn’t have offered. That she’s had a hard time catching up with all she has to do (errands and work) and that she’s been late for work a lot lately. She said she might not be able to come this weekend because even though she told her boss she needed the day off, he didn’t write it on his calendar and now he’s being weird about it. But she’ll let me know ASAP.
I’m annoyed because she told me months ago she booked the day off. My MOH even went out and bought vegetarian food just for her. I’m annoyed.
Also I should note that I’m not even mad about the envelopes because we did them and they were mailed and I told her this. But now she’s flaking out of something we all planned months ago (we picked dates that would work for everyone). And I’m fearful she’s going to flake out at the wedding. I don’t want to kick her out but my FI is asking what if she does’t show at the wedding.
In the past when we would hang out she’d always give last minute excuses for why she couldn’t go. We had tickets to the symphony and a couple of hours before she sends me a message saying she can’t go because she needs to write a cover letter to apply for a job.
She’s a sweet girl, she just lacks certain things.