(Closed) Kicking out a groomsman… How do we do it?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

you’re getting married in a year? well…it’s a little late now, but this is one of the reasons that it’s a good idea to wait until 9-12 months (or less!) before to ask people to be in your wedding… (just in case anyone else reading can learn from this situation…)

so in your case…well, it is always extremely rude to “uninvite” someone to be in your wedding party, and it is definitely a sure way to end a friendship, but I suspect you won’t really care about that since he isn’t really a friend…so you are asking… how to say something that is very rude in a polite way? hm, not sure there is a good way. You might just have to call him up and say, “um… given the situation with ex-GF…we think it would be best if you were no longer in our Wedding Party. Have a nice life…” Or perhaps, if you REALLY wanted to try to be nice, you could call him up and offer him the opportunity to suggest stepping down himself, “so.. we were wondering about how you would feel still being a Groomsmen given the circumstances with ex-GF…”

Post # 4
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I agree with joy2011’s suggestion of asking him how he feels about the situation.  If he and your Fiance aren’t even really friends, and only interacted because of him dating your friend, maybe there’s nothing more he wants than to not be in this situation.

But you also said they were really serious, so is there any chance of them reconciling, especially considering your wedding is still a year away?  Maybe the best thing to do now would be to let it lie, and see what the state of things is in a couple of months.  Even if they don’t make up – people get a lot less emotional over things after time has passed.  Of course everything is hyper-emotional now.  In a year, not so much.  Either way, I think it’s a decision that is best made after the storm has blown over, not while it’s still going on.

Post # 5
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@missRAV: I would just forget about it, you are still a year away. Unless your Fiance and him talk I would just let the chips fall where they may. The guy probably wont even remember, or really care… that said I would also consider your chances of these two getting back together.

Post # 6
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I thing the PP’s are right, it’s probably best to let things cool down and see where you all are in a month. If you really have to talk to this guy to uninvite him from your Wedding Party it would be best to just be honest with him, maybe he will just want a way out gracefully.

Post # 7
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

TO be honest I have a simialr situation:

My Fiance and I asked HIS Boyfriend or Best Friend to be a Groomsmen (He would be the Best Man if not for my FI’s brother.) So because they are best friend’s I have gotten pretty cool/close with his on again/ off again Girlfriend. During my “pre-gagment” period i talked with the Girlfriend and pretty much planned my wedding. I told her I would love for her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and we talked about how much fun it would be. Over the course of the year she and I only speak when she is crying about her Boyfriend or Best Friend (My FI’s GM/BF) so naturally we’re not that close anymore.

The week before my engagement they broke up and could not bare to stand in the same room next to each other (pretty immature on both of their parts.) A week AFTER my engagement my Fiance threw a surprise dinner for my birthday and all heel broke lose. Long story short our my FI’s Boyfriend or Best Friend came to the restaurant and REFUSED to come in because his ex(my intended Bridesmaid or Best Man was there.) I was so disappointed and hurt that they would bring their drama around and bring down my day that I made a decision (with my FI’s help of course.) I decided that even though the ex-GF was okay in my book, my FI’s Boyfriend or Best Friend meant more to him than she did to me. I didnt want this drama for my birthday adn I surely didnt want it for my wedding. So I sat down with her and told her how I felt. Exactly how I felt. While I did take her feelings in consideration, she understood exactly where I was coming from. Now she is no longer a bridesmaid but an honorary bridesmaid and I may ask her to read a poem at the wedding. That way if they are arguing and she decided to NOT show up at my wedding then it’s no sweat off my brow. At this moment they are back on but their relationship changes with the weather.

So I say go to the Groomsmen tell him your feelings, figure out his and go from there. And like Melanie11 says he may agree with you and want out of this situation.


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