(Closed) Kicking someone out of bridal party?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

If she’s creating a negative vibe in any way shape or form towards the biggest, happiest day of you life – get rid.

I did the same thing only last week. One of mine (let’s call her H) was just becoming an awful, toxic friend. She gets on well with my Fiance but her own personal life has spiralled out of control to the point where she is self destructive and very very hard to be around. Her own issues are affecting everyone else and she will not take any advice as to how to fix things.

It sucked but I told her she was negative and I didn’t want any of her issues (which I and many others have tried to help her with for years) to enter into the friendship any more, and if she couldn’t keep her own dreadful behaviour (sleeping with married men, drugs/alcohol, obsessive stalker behaviour) out of our conversations, I just couldn’t handle being around her any more.

She didn’t want to accept help or advice, she hurled some hurtful things at me, and I told her she’s no longer in my bridal party.

BEST THING I EVER DID. I feel SO relaxed and happy now, my other bridesmaids are happier, and I know the day is going to go like a dream now. Any wedding anxiety I had before has disappeared – it all came from the negative energy H was putting out and we were all affected. My advice is to calmy but firmly tell her she’s no longer a positive element of your life and you are removing her from the wedding. No further explanation needed.

Post # 17
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

View original reply
tassie.m:  I would have asked her to step down when she said she didn’t like your Fiance. Normally I don’t agree with ‘firing’ a Bridesmaid or Best Man or Maid/Matron of Honor but in this case I think you would totally be in your right, I would even say she is trying to get herself kicked out with this behaviour. 

Post # 18
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Just figure that T’s only job will be to show up at the wedding in her dress and stand with you at the altar. Don’t assign her any duties that will matter if she can’t manage to get them done. It’s only one day.

If she shows up as bridesmaid on the day of the wedding, fine. If she doesn’t, you go on from there either way.

Post # 19
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Boettcher Mansion

I have to echo what some other bees have said (I know its easier said than done, I’m dealing with a Bridesmaid or Best Man issue right now, too!) and ask, do you really want her standing up there with you if she doesn’t support you and your FI? 

If I were in your situation, I wouldn’t give her any other bridesmaid responsibilites, and I would give her a chance to remove herself from the wedding party first… If she can’t make it to any of the events that your other BM’s plan, if she can’t go buy a dress, etc., just tell her something along the lines of, “I understand you have a lot going on right now, and that there are certainly other priorities for you that you need to take care of, so I completely understand if you’d rather come as a guest to our wedding!” I guess what I’m saying is, give her an out first, and then if the crazy behavior continues, just explain to her that you’re not comfortable with someone who doesn’t support your relationship with your Fiance standing up with you. She said that herself, so she set herself up for that one (though she probably won’t think so, based on her behavior… But then you can know that you were totally justified with your actions!). 

Post # 20
Member
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

As a bridesmaid who is dealing with another crazy bridesmaid, I think you should get rid of her. I know that everyone will feel a little relieved. 

Post # 21
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee

Do yourself and your other BMs (who actually cares) a huge favor and get rid of T.  Her shitty attitude and all the lies/not keeping her word is more than enough to justify her ass being kicked to the curb as a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  

Post # 22
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Get rid of her! I honestly would’ve probably distanced myself from her after she said terrible things about your fiance. No good friend would ever do that!

I just kicked out a problematic bridesmaid (also very negative and a pathological liar – and a “friend” of 20 years) and I’m SO happy I did it. She was a toxic presence anytime she was around my other friends and she was causing so much stress in my life. I didn’t have to go through any of the wedding planning process with her and now I’m thrilled to just have my REAL friends by my side on the big day!

Post # 23
Member
683 posts
Busy bee

If you dont want to lose her as a friend then keep her as a bridesmaid but dont give her any responsibilities since it seems she cant handle them.

 

If you dont care, then kick her out of the wedding party. I feel like she is going to cause some major drama on your big day.

 

Post # 24
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Not supporting your marriage is a big red flag.  Give her the pink slip.

Post # 25
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I had a bridesmaid who was similarly unsupportive of my marriage. After two months of nonsense, I finally asked her to step down and it was the BEST thing I ever did. We are no longer close, but that was probably coming anyways. I am so much less stressed now that I don’t have to worry about her mood swings and nasty comments. 

 

If you’re feeling like this, just work up the courage and do it! My recommendation is to do it sooner rather than later so she doesn’t ruin any more of your engagement. It’s hard to do, but so worth it. 

Post # 26
Member
74 posts
Worker bee

I have a Maid/Matron of Honor just like this… What I am finding out is you find out WHO REALLY IS YOUR FRIEND while your planning your wedding!!!!! LIVE AND LEARN and MOVE ON!!!!!!!

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