Kid Chaos Blues

posted 1 year ago in Guests
  • poll: what should I do?

    invite the nephews

    make it a no kid wedding

    only invite the 13 year old

  • Post # 2
    Member
    730 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

    View original reply
    outdoorsybride :  I wanted a child free wedding, so I stated the rule was no children under the age of 10. Usually around the age of 10+ kids know how to behave. We made 2 exceptions for close family and that was it (They were travelling from far away and I thought it would be rude and unfair to exclude them).

    However – we then had another guest, of which we invited her husband and all her adult children + their spouses (a literal entire table of people) call my Future Mother-In-Law is screaming that we didn’t invite her precious granddaughter and blackmail us into including her.

    If I were you – I would just say no kids. That you are having a kid free wedding because to me, a 13 year old is not a child. They are about to go to highschool, so they are a young adult. However, the liklihood is, that you will recieve a lot of backlash for this, especially from the parents and they may threaten not to come to get you to invite the kids. So decide before you make the call how you would handle that situation. If you will cave, just invite them and avoid the hassle. If you are OK with them not attending sicne they cant bring the kiddos – do it!!

    Post # 3
    Member
    63 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

    It’s your fiance’s family and therefore his problem.  Make it clear what you want and are concerned about and let him do the problem solving and deal with his family and their backlash.

    Post # 4
    Member
    743 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    View original reply
    outdoorsybride :  13+ only. She’s  a teenager and your daughter, she knows how to behave. Excluding her will have consequences. The nephews sound awful.

    Post # 5
    Bee
    5140 posts
    Bee Keeper

    When people don’t discipline their children they should expect them to be unwelcome at social activities.  I would just flat out tell the parents you don’t want them there because of their behavior.

    Post # 6
    Member
    669 posts
    Busy bee

    Out of all the “my wedding was ruined” pots that I have read on here, none of them involved children – it’s all been terribly behaved adults. You’re not obligated to invite your soon-to-be nephews but if your Fiance is from a close-knit family, expect there to be backlash. It’s very typical to see no children weddings with exceptions for nephews and nieces – so your brother/sister in-law could definitely view this as a norm and be offended. Also, my son is definitely not a bring out in public child, we parent him (and aren’t terrible at it), he just has a lot of energy and likes to explore – knowing his limitations, I typically avoid bringing him to non-child proofed places and large events. Perhaps the parents are like me and are already planning to leave them at home. Have you asked your Fiance to investigate a little? 

    Post # 7
    Member
    392 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2025 - City, State

    What does their uncle think about having them at his wedding?

    Post # 8
    Member
    3197 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    I’m not sure from your post whether the 13-year old is your child? If they are, I don’t think any explanation is needed about why they were invited but not your nephews. If they aren’t your child, I think you can still phrase it as a child-free wedding but say that teenagers are invited. 

    What does your FH think about excluding his nephews? 

    Post # 9
    Member
    1193 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2019

    What do the parents do when they misbehave? I would just say 13+. Remember, it’s YOUR wedding!

    Post # 10
    Member
    805 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2016

    1*. I would expect you to have your own child there regardless of rules.

    2. 13 is really more young adult anyway than child territory.

    3. Your wedding your rules, so if you and your fiance are cool with keeping the kids out, go for it!

     

    *Can’t tell if the kid is yours.

    Post # 11
    Member
    7265 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Honestly can you just give the 13 year old a role in the wedding? Junior bridesmaid? Program passer-outer? That way you can say “only children with a role in the wedding”. If you say 13+ every other person with a kid over 13 is going to want to bring them. 

    At the end of the day have the wedding you want. I had a kid-free wedd with the exception of my of my MOH’s two children who were the Flower Girl and Round Brilliant. They were around 7 & 6 at the time of the wedding. I didn’t care who was offended. In my childhood I was excluded from many a wedding, including those of my family, because they too had no kids. It’s not the end of the world.

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