Post # 1
Long time lurker here 🙂 – finally something irked me enough to post!
I have some young relatives who are involved in their school band and are at varying skill levels – all under 14 years old. Several members of my family have expressed interest in having a “kid concert” at the reception in which these kids will play a song on their instrument together.
I was initially approached about this by one family member, and I thought it was such an odd request and I was kind of taken aback, so I stammered out a less than firm “no”. I have since been approached by several family members, asking for this “kid concert” to take place.
Am I wrong to think that this is completely inappropriate for the reception? As a guest, is this something you would think is cute or something that would be off-putting?
My standpoint is that I a) can’t imagine a time for this to occur that wouldn’t interrupt the flow of the event, b) not to be selfish – but I don’t think this is a day to focus on the kids – we have “kid concerts” at almost every major family gathering and I think the rest of our guests can survive without one, and c) the more I am approached about it and the more they try to guilt me into it I start to feel emotionally manipulated.
The wedding is June 8 – so at this point I don’t know if I am going insane and this is something I should just bend to, or if it really is as odd as I think it is and I should stand my ground. I have grown increasingly firm in my “no” response and my family is starting to act like I am heartless for not wanting this. Thoughts?
Post # 3
@lady lightning: It’s your wedding day! I say if you don’t want it, then no is no. Don’t let them push you over. Especially if they are not like… your own children and it’s not YOUR idea. I think it’s kind of rude for them to keep pushing the subject : /
Post # 4
omg, no, what a nightmare! don’t give up
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
@Epicpooka: +1 absolutely… do not give in if this isn’t what you want!! Especially if they have these “kid concerts” all the time at family gatherings.
Post # 6
Omg no no no. Do not back down, just give a very firm no!
Post # 7
Hmm… I’d say not. I played various instruments before I was 14, and actually practiced hard, and was “decent”, but the chance of ALLLL these kids actually being good, seems pretty low. I don’t go to weddings to watch some random kids squeak their way through “Ode to Joy”.
Post # 8
What on earth?! No, that is VERY odd. Be strong!!
Post # 9
It depends on the wedding. I’ve been to Mennonite weddings where instead of a dance there’s an open mic. I’ve also been to weddings where instead of tinking the glasses you get up and sing a song based on some type of theme (love, kiss, etc). As young kids my sister and I the B&G to kiss by singing a song.
Because of this, I don’t think it’s way out there. I think if they came up with a song to dedicate to you two during the speech time it could fit. One song that isn’t too long!
If you don’t want something like that though, it’s your wedding!
Post # 10
This sounds like it has the potential to be absolutely excruciating, especially for guests that are not family and are unaware of this tradition. I would refrain. Also, you’re looking at what, a two week turnaround if you decide today that you want this? Two weeks to organise and rehearse a “kid concert” for your wedding for under-14 year olds seems like a recipe for disaster to me. I would hold my ground, personally. If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it, and let the kids serenade you at a family dinner later in the summer or something.
Post # 11
Would there be a time to have it after the ceremony and before the reception kicks off? I.e. Could you have it whilst you and your groom are away taking photos? You know, during “cocktail hour”.
That’s a time when there is quite a lull and I think that it’s a free enough time that those who want to listen, can, and those who don’t, don’t have to.
OR have it before the ceremony starts. As people are still getting inside the venue, they can be the pre-entry/guests are being seated music. That way the kids get out their nervous energy, not everyone had to listen to it and they don’t have to cart the instruments around everywhere. Plus it will mean your family will have to be on time to hear them. (or late if they want to miss them :P) AND the kids won’t be tired when they play. If I was younger than 14 I’m not sure I would have the energy and concentration required to play after 6pm after a long day.
I DO think you have a right to say no. But to keep the peace I think it would be better to find a not-so important place for it to happen. That should make everyone involved happy.
Post # 12
If you don’t want it just say no. Perhaps be a bit more insistent – keep saying the same thing until the other person feels too awkward to continue. For example:
Person: Lady Lightning, you simply must have a kid’s concert!
You: I’m sorry, we’ve thought about it but decided against it.
Person: But think about the kids!
You: We decided against it.
Person: But everyone wants to see it.
You: We decided against it.
Post # 13
Also, if you do decide to go a head and do this, make sure you put a note about it in the program so that non-family can be prepared.
Post # 14
I don’t know, I think a kid concert would be an awesome way to include your family in a family celebration. If these kid concerts are standards in family gatherings and events, I’d want to include it into a wedding as well. After all, the reception isn’t just for the bride and groom- it’s a community celebration, and if people want to celebrate with you, don’t stop them from contributing.
Post # 15
My DH and I both work as professional musicians. Our bachelors degrees are both in music, I’m working on my masters (in music research, but you still have to be a performer to be accepted) and he’ll be auditioning for Juilliard and MSM in less than a year to complete his masters.
His mother saw something on Pinterest or whatever of two small children playing violins at a wedding and thought it was the cutest thing ever, and that it would in turn be the cutest thing ever to have children playing instruments at our wedding, since we’re musicians.
My thought is – no. Particularly because we aimed to have an elegant, formal-yet-relaxed affair (we weren’t even going to invite kids!, but we did in the end). MAYBE if you’re going for something very casual, a backyard BBQ, BYOB, sort of thing – and there’s nothing wrong with that wedding – then I think MAYBE this would be appropriate. But the type of event that warrents paying professional musicians or a DJ for your ceremony, reception, etc is not the type of event where you have student musicians performing. Unless these kids are doing gigs for people other than their family and getting paid for it, I would not want them playing at my wedding.
THAT BEING SAID, if I saw kids performing at someone else’s wedding, I’m not going to be some snooty musician and judge them for it. I’d probably think it was adorable. I guess it’s all a matter of perspective. I don’t think you’re wrong in whatever you choose, but if it were my wedding, I’d stand firm on the NO.
Post # 16
@Everdeen: Why? Do you include everyone who is giving a speech in the program as well? The programs I see are usually about the ceremony and not the reception.