Post # 1
I’m having an adult-only wedding. The only exception to this, is my 3-yo niece, because she, my sister and BIL are coming in from Canada (6+ hour flight).
Well now my FMIL has requested that we invite a couple that is close friends-of-their-family. That’s ok… but they have a 12-yo daughter. They’ll be driving 5+ hours to the wedding, so I guess I can’t expect them to leave their daughter at home with someone, right?
I’m just worried about my family, (my cousins specifically,) because they ALL have 2-3 kids each (ages range from 1 year olds – 17 year olds) and they’ll see this random 12-yo at our wedding. I’m worried they’ll get offended and ask “Why’d they get to bring THEIR kid??”
But, travelers obviously get to bring their kids, right? Or… should I still address only the husband and wife on the invite and see if they cant leave their daughter at a friend’s house for the weekend or something? I don’t know what I’m supposed to do in this situation.
(**ETA: Right now my FI is only inviting 6 people from his side of the family. He has an incredibly small family, therefore I feel like I need to be as accomodating as possible to this couple so they will come, so the FI has more people from “his side.”)
Post # 3
It’s whatever you want. It’s totally fine if you only want relatives’ kids at your wedding. I only had my nieces and nephews and OOT kids at my wedding and it was still a small amount (12 including my 3 kids).
Post # 4
Invite them if you want and address it to the parents. If they decide to go the wedding, let them figure out what to do with their daughter. They aren’t your invites, they’re your FMIL’s so don’t stress about it.
Post # 5
If it were an infant yes. But a 12 year old would probably rather stay the night at a friend’s house than go to your wedding.
Post # 6
@LadyMoriarty: The only kids that “get” to be at your wedding are the ones you *want* at your wedding, traveling or not. Like PP said, this is your FMIL invite, so just address it to both adults.
Post # 7
We are dealing with the same issue. our wedding is mostly a destination wedding but I don’t want children at our wedding. The compromise is to provide child care for the ceremony and perhaps through the reception. Folks can bring their kids but kids don’t have to be at the actual wedding.
ps- stupid WB on iPhone. They really need to fix the autocorrect.
Post # 8
I would think a 12 year old could stay with a friend for the weekend. I’m going to set up babysitting at my wedding so everyone can bring their kids but the kids aren’t at the reception. Not sure if that’s in your budget/there is space at your venue for that, though.
Post # 9
@eeniebeans: Yeah, that’s what I thought too. The couple is… odd. Very, overly-attached to their daughter. And the wife is definitely the type of person who, if she insisted her daughter come too, she’d write her name in the invitation. So I guess I’ll go ahead and just address it to her and her husband and hope they let their daughter stay home.
Post # 10
@maplemag: I have thought about child care, but there’s no room at the venue, and it’s out of our budget. I’m assuming a few of my cousins probably wont show up anyway, just because they’d have to find places to stash their kids for the day (each of them has 2-3 kids.. and I know babysitters are expensive).
Post # 11
The problem with child-free weddings (and I’m not criticising anyone who chooses to have one) is that grief almost always accompanies the slightest hint of inconsistency in whatever rules have been decided. So for sure, people flying in from out of town with younger children is a clear rule. In this case, you can probably get away with the 12 year old attending because actually, this family are covered by your rule. Also, a 12 year old is old enough to behave well and won’t need to be treated like a child.
But if you really don’t want her there then send the invitation out only to the couple and see what happens. I’d have thought most 12 year olds would hate to be dragged miles and miles from home to attend the wedding of complete strangers.