(Closed) Kid free wedding plan coming unraveled!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@rambsn:  Only thing you can do is call your Aunt and explain to her the wedding is adult only.

At this point, she should be able to refund the tickets.

Explain to her that is the rule and you’re sorry she did not hear it, but the invite was adderssed to her alone and not her and ‘family’. Tell her if she comes, she will make the other guests who found babysitters for their kids hurt.

I would tell her you told your Mother-In-Law and you’re sorry it did not get back to her. Expect her to be upset but tell her you’ve already paid the money for the adults only and the venue does not hold them.

ANd yes, being classy about this DOES.NOT.WORK. I put it on our website in this way:

“Due to the reverence of the ceremony and considering the reception will extend late into the evening, childen under the age of 16 will not be accomidated at the wedding ceremony or reception”.

I also called everyone on the list with children and explained to them early the rule. That gave them 8 months to make arraignements.

Maybe you could do the same??


Post # 4
9542 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

How about finding a local babysitter for her kids? That way they could still come and use the plane tickets but they wouldn’t actually be at the wedding.

Post # 5
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If she can’t get a refund for the tickets, maybe you or your Mother-In-Law (I’d ask her to pay for it for not spreading the news) could hire a babysitter for the kids while the mom attends the wedding?  That way they could still come on the trip and you could also have your child-free wedding.  If they are as bratty as you say they are, the mom would hopefully welcome a little time without them.

Post # 7
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Did she tell you that she already purchase tickets after she found out it was an Adult only reception?  If so, she could be lying so that she can bring them.  I would find a sitter for her.  I was not going to change my plans for her.   If there are other family members with kids, I suggest saying something to them.  Some people just don’t get it.

Post # 8
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I don’t know why people assume children are invited.  May of the weddings I have been to are AO and involve a lot of excess drinking (not a great atmosphere for kids). I am trying to do an AO weddng too and most of my friends are totally understanding about it, but it’s always the aunts and cousins that aren’t…..

Post # 9
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

View original reply
@LuvMySailor:  +1. You can be blunt and polite! ^_^

Post # 10
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Ask the aunt if she will be needing help to find childcare for her children during the wedding. Either she’ll ‘get it’ or she’ll ask why she would need it. That’s when you say “well, it IS an adult only wedding. the children aren’t invited and i can’t make an exception for you and nobody else.”

Post # 11
34 posts

I agree with hiring a babysitter.  I want a child free ceremony, so I’m already planning to do that for those who can’t find care or travel with children.

Post # 12
1812 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

View original reply
@rosworms:  +1 

Post # 13
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo

I would not change your plans. You addressed the STD only to her, so it’s pretty clear the kids were not invited. She should have at least checked with you. That said, if the kids are 12 and she lives a plane ride away maybe she is comfortable leaving them in a hotel for a couple of hours but not leaving them home alone for an overnight? You don’t mention a husband so maybe she just doesn’t have someone back home who they can stay with for two days. Maybe respond by email and say something like you’re glad to hear she can make it, you’re looking forward to seeing everyone, and does she think the kids will need a babysitter during the wedding or is she comfortable leaving them in the room for a couple hours? You can provide some names/numbers if she would like them. Also here’s some fun stuff they can do while they’re in town.

Or wait until you actually send invitations and see what she does then. Maybe stick a note in her invitation re babysitters if needed.

Post # 14
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@rambsn:  I think she knew all along, but didn’t really care and assumed you wouldn’t say anything. Call her, apologise for the midunderstanding. Be polite but firm. 

Post # 15
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

oh boy! This is my fear too! I have heard all this etiquette stuff about not plastering “no kids” on Save-The-Date Cards and Invitations, so I just put it in my website’s FAQ Section:

Q: Why didn’t you invite our kid(s)? Don’t you love him/her/them?
A: We adore your kids and think the world of them! However, to allow all guests to relax and enjoy themselves, we have chosen for our wedding day to be adults only. We thank you for your understanding and hope arrangements can be made for your little ones that still allow you to attend our big day!

But I literally have dreams where people show up to my wedding with children!

I agree with the rest of the bees here that you ask your Future Mother-In-Law (or Fiance -it’s their side and I think you should let them deal with it) to politely explain the situation, and then leave it up to her to see if she wants to get refund on tickets. If she cannot get a refund, or if she rather bring her kids along, then you can offer the option of looking into a babysitter for her. But either way, we gotta be tough about sticking to our wedding plans. If you make an exception for her, it’s not fair for other people with kids either.

Post # 16
8437 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

We put 18 and over on our website because we didn’t feel it was an appropriate environment for children (late evening party with an open bar).  I think this is one of those things that you just have to be firm on.  My Future Mother-In-Law had advised us to invite children, saying that family members would be hurt/insulted; however, when I explained my reasoning all of the parents were very understanding.

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