(Closed) Kid or no kids drama

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Ugh I hate this kind of drama!! Honestly, you should have said no kids to everyone, and if the SIL didn’t want to come because of that, so be it. Your parents are paying, how inconsiderate of her???? And your Fiance needs to stand with you. I agree with your dad (not his hissy fit) that you can’t make exceptions because his SIL won’t let her older kids be watched by someone that a teacher recommends.  She is crazy!

I’m not sure what you should do this close to the wedding, but you shouldn’t have agreed to this in the first place

Post # 5
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@BelleoftheNorth: I’m gonna go against the usual grain here and say: Call your FI’s brother YOURSELF.  Tell him that the kids are NOT allowed and that they can contact YOUR mother for arranging a babysitter.  (aka everything you just said above about the babysitting arrangement).

Also, I’d be pretty happy that my dad was gonna do that if a couple was doing what your FI’s brother is doing.  (of course, I’d also have already told my Fiance that if HE doesn’t take care of this, then I would… and I’d have proceeded to do that, too.  ok, well, actually I have, but it was a different situation and involved my FI’s parents, lol).

No one likes being yelled and screamed at, but if your parents are paying, then THEY get the final say.  (maybe subtly hand over this problem brother’s phone number to your dad and say “you’re paying, you deal with it”…)  Or, go the more direct route and tell your Fiance that if HE doesn’t put a stop to the kids coming, you’re gonna let your dad take care of it. ๐Ÿ˜‰

good luck and I hope you get this solved without ruffling too many feathers!!!!

Post # 5
Member
4770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If your parents are paying for 100%, they make the rules.  It is not fair to everyone else and people will feel wierd.  No, your dad should not yell at you or Future Sister-In-Law it dosn’t solve anything.

It also seems as if you and Fiance are dancing around the issue and not just telling her they aren’t invited, no. period. end of discussion. andother period. “Asking her about the kids” is hardly telling them that the kids arn’t invited.

Your Future Sister-In-Law will get over it.

Post # 6
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I guess I’m the odd man out, but we are inviting the children of immediate family members (my sister’s kids, and my Fi’s sister’s kids) other than that, we are not inviting children. We have a couple of friends who both have 5 kids, plus our venue isn’t that huge and our guest list can’t be over 120. I’d say there is a difference between inviting children you or your Fiance are related to, and letting every single guest bring their children.

Post # 8
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Normally I am against lying…it is bad…..but sometimes “bending the truth” to avoid stress and hard feeling later on… well, I’m kind-of-okay with that.  My idea (and to be honest, it could be a very bad idea) is to call the SIL and tell her that you just heard from the coordinator/venue  and that you aren’t able to get insurance for the wedding if there are children present because it is so dangerous (high-liability).  I mean, she can’t really be mad at the idea of wanting to protect people there (especially her children) and it could be believable if it is at a marina.

Wow…I hope you can get this sorted out before the wedding day.  I would hate for you to be stressed out worrying about your dad going to explode and your SIL being a pain.

 

Post # 9
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@BelleoftheNorth: just tell them “the kids cannot come due to safety regulations at the venue”.  It wouldn’t be a total lie and it would give you a reason they CAN NOT argue logically.  (They CAN argue, but, it wouldn’t be something they can really stand on.)

If they keep pressing, say that your parents are paying and they also agree that the children should not be there for multiple reasons.  

Proceed to give the annoying brats (’cause they ARE acting like brats ๐Ÿ˜‰ ) your parents’ number and telling them to take it up with your dad.  (be sure to forwarn YOUR parents about the no-quite-a-lie fib ๐Ÿ˜‰ ).

good luck!!!!

Post # 10
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Could you call up the Future Sister-In-Law and tell her straight up that your parents are paying for the wedding and that the vendor has a no kids rule because its unsafe? haha maybe mention the kids could drown or that she would have to constantly watch the kids because the kids could drown? (i know its not “all true” but it sort of is) I’m sure when she thinks of the possibility of her little ones near water and falling in she might see it from another point of view?

Post # 11
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Miss Smurf: omg! we posted almost the EXACT same idea!!!! great minds think alike!!!

Post # 12
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

“Hi there, we’re so sorry that there’s been some confusion, but we won’t be having children at the wedding. We’ve been talking with the caterer and the venue is simply not safe for kids, and we don’t want to put anyone at risk.” I’m not super great with wording either, but stick to the “not safe” card because well, it’s true.

Post # 14
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@BelleoftheNorth:

I would let them know that you really hope they still consider attending even though their children are not invited.

If they show up with kids, ask your coordinator or parents to ask them to leave because I have a feeling they will. Its very rude to exclude some children but not others no matter who they are related to. I would be mad if I had to get a sitter and someone else was able to bring a boat load of kids.

Post # 15
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Ryna: YAY!!! I was worried that someone was going to freak our or be upset that I thought lying/bending the truth would be okay.  So either we both have great minds or we are both evil, haha.

 

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