- 4 years ago
- Wedding: January 2013
I hate to write this. I have dont even want to. But I dont know what to do? Hubs and I married…and if any of you have read my other post you all know for all intents and purposes I have been his girls only mother figure in their life since they were little. She has very little contact with them at all. Maybe a phone call here and there. Hubs oldest daughter has been in therapy for a few years because of her mom abandoning here.. She has other issues that hubs and I have had to work out. Including lying, bad behavior, getting others into trouble and the list goes on. Last year though we had a breakthrough she started behaving better. She stopped lying, her grades started improving..She made the honor roll and has stayed on it since. She has gotten along with the other kids better and has gotten alot more respectful now that we have set extra boundaries in place. We have three other children. Two from my first marriage, and he has another daughter. I love these kids like they are my own. Lately though issues are popping up again. Im angry at husband because now instead of addressing the issues with our daughter he has turned it into a your kids my kids issue when its not. I have always been a consistent and strict parent with my own children before I married my husband.
My kids are generally respectful, they rarely get into minor trouble and never in big trouble. I dont point this out to say they are better only to say that I have been a devoted parent who though not perfect has worked hard to make sure my kids are respectful of themselves and others, they have integrity and are all around good and decent kids.. Granted their kids so we still have a hard time getting them to clean their rooms but as I understand it…thats kid thing.
Hubs girls on the other hand have had a totally different upbringing. He spent years trying to make up to them for their mother leaving. Including indulging their every whim. They used to guilt him horribly about it. All they had to do was look like they were going to shed a tear and hubs would indulge them in anything they wanted. Trips out of town to amusement parks, gifts, anything they could ask for to placate them and make up for her leaving. I do not subscribe to this type of parenting because kids learn to manipulate it. Case in point..the youngest tried that on me, my son looked at her and said look my mom is not gullible, crocodile tears dont work on her. She later stopped the behavior.
So back to the issue… hubs oldest daughter has had ongoing issues and now Im starting to see issues with the youngest one. Eye rolling when I ask them to do something. Lying about things…minor but generally the same lie over and over again. So today after being lied to three times in the space of a few minutes I lost it. Hubs called me on lunch and we had an argument. Granted I had a part in it. I should have been more calm. His girls specifically told me they lie to me because im not their mom so its okay to lie to me. This response was generated when I ask if they lied to their teachers and friends. The full response was ..no we like our teachers and friends so we dont lie to them. I asked would you lie to your mother, and they both said no cause she is our mom. I said why would you lie to me..and their response was because your not our mom.
I get that but this is completely disrespectful that they think they can lie to me because im not their mother. I told hubs that was what his girls told me. He said thats not true they love you and then he completely turned it around and said well my son H and daughter M also lie sometimes and I didnt see him getting upset. I pointed out that when my son and daughter lie there is immediate punishment, either restrictions of ipods and ipads to losing time with friends and extra chores.
He started ranting that he must be a sucky father and that he was sorry his girls werent perfect like mine. I was like WTF??? My kids arent perfect. He then started getting angry and said that he didnt realize that he was raising brats that people didnt like . I told him I never said anything like that.. Only that the girls either need to have their punishment changed for lying since the previous one didnt work or back to therapy..either them specifically or all of to family therapy.
Then he said he had to go. I love my husband and I love our kids.. I dont know how to fix this. Im a Stay-At-Home Mom now and I work very hard to make sure everything functions smoothly because he is active duty military and is away from home alot.
I just want the girls to stop lying about everything. They lie about the simplest things even when I give them the opportunity to be honest and truthful. Then after they receive their restriction then they suck up and tell me what a great mom I am. Except when Dad is gone and then Im sucky.
Any ideas besides therapy?