Post # 1
I have a new group of friends that I’d like to become closer with. I accept invites from various girls in the group and one girl (who I really like) invites her new boyfriend and his kid. I dislike kids and avoid going to events with them.
What is the best way to handle these invites? I have no way of knowing in advance if this kid is going to be there.
Should I just suck it up for a while and go with them then ask that she please let me know in advance if the kid is coming so I can decline? I don’t think that’ll go over well either. I think it’ll offend the boyfriend and my new friend because I already met the kid. Thanks for your help.
Post # 2
ask her to hang out and it just be the girls.
Post # 3
Sounds like they are a package deal and if you really are that uncomfortable around kids, this might not be the right friendship for you. People that have kids usually like kids and want theirs around them… You can tell her that you’d rather not hang out if the kid is going to be there, but that will absolutely be a friendship ending conversation.
Post # 4
It is your choice to pursue a friendship with this person or not. On your part you can invite your friend to join you in adult only settings. If your lifestyles are not compatible, it will become obvious soon enough.
Post # 5
jny1179: ajillity81: I think you both have good points. I value the girl time with these friends enough to deal with the kid on occasion and I can always suggest a girls night! Thanks so much!
Post # 6
weddingmaven: thanks for your input!
Post # 7
I agree with the PP, sounds like they are package deal. This may not be the right friendship for you if you so dislike children so much and a child is brought to functions.
Post # 8
I remember reading almost this same question on the Miss Manners column a couple years ago. Her advice was to organize gatherings that are obviously not kid-friendly and when you extend the invite to this friend, apologize that her boyfriend’s kid will not be able to come. Say something like “I’ve been looking forward to hosting a wine-tasting for us ladies but I am so sorry it won’t be kid-friendly”. If she still doesn’t get the hint then there’s not much you can do, but I think most people would get it.
Post # 9
I don’t think you have much say over vents others host but you can host your own girls only event. Honestly, I’d be more annoyed by a bf at a girls night then a kid. But yeah, if someone admitted to me they didn’t like my kid or want to be around them ever, we probably wouldn’t be friends anymore.
Post # 10
Is it all kids you don’t like, or just this particular kid? Because if this specific child is annoying- maybe the other girls feel the same way and are just afraid to say something.
Post # 11
I love kids (like LOVE, I can’t wait to TTC this Feb and I cannot get enough of my friends kids) – however we’ve got one person we know, it’s my DH’s second cousin, who absolutely brings their kids to EVERYTHING and they are terrible. Like.. places you should never bring a child. I have NEVER seen her without both her children. It’s weird.
Recently, a really formal restaurant opening in NYC that we were all invited to – it is LATE (9pm) and everyone is dressed up, and in she trots with her moderately well behaved 7 year old and her absolute hellion of a 5 year old. The youngest was wild, probably because it was way too late for them to be out, NONE of our other friends brought their kids.
Almost all of my friends have kids and we see them sans kids fairly regularly. We see them with their kids too, it just befuddles me when people think their kids are a welcome social addition everywhere. Same things with new boyfriends – if the girls are going out for a chat, no need to drag the guy along.
Maybe its how I grew up, but my parents had lots of adult time, with their friends, where we were not invited, and most of my friends fuction that way as well.
Post # 12
Tweety80: I can’t stand being around kids, either (seriously, can’t stand them, even well behaved ones), and I doubt I could be friends with someone who insisted on dragging a kid along everywhere. It seems like this is a recent trend – kids at the bar, kids at dinner, kids everywhere! I feel for you.
Post # 13
eeniebeans: Unfortunately, I just don’t like kids period not necessarily this kid although this one did try to sit on my lap and wanted me to read a story during dinner so that was weird. I am not sure if the other girls feel that way about the kid, maybe.
MrsWBS: Yeah, I also think it’s weird when girls bring their boyfriends to girls nights, especially when he is the only guy there?? I don’t know why he would even agree to come. My husband sees his friends alone and then we have couples friends that we see together so I should get my time with just the girls.
Post # 14
Tweety80: I don’t have any advice in addition to the good advice you got from PPs. I just wanted to let you know I don’t like kids either. I’m uncomfortable around them and usually [maybe irrationally] annoyed and irritated easily around them.
You’re not alone in that feeling!
Post # 15
SexyCatLady: playdohpants: thank you ladies, glad to know there are others like me!