Kids at my destination wedding?

posted 2 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 31
Member
2924 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

mollyfromseattle :  Do you know for sure that your friends that have parents that could watch their kids actually would be able to?  My mom babysits my nieces and nephew quite a bit but even she would be hard pressed to watch them while my sister and Brother-In-Law were halfway around the world for a week.  This isn’t like a plane ride that’s only a couple of hours away.  Unless you’ve personally spoken with your friends, I would not assume anything.

Me personally, I wouldn’t attend a wedding in another country without my kids invited.  My husband gets very little vacation time and we want to use it on a vacation of our choice, not someone else’s.  Sure, I’d like to see Greece but I have like 10 other places I’d rather see first.  

If you said I would invite my (hypothetical) kids I wouldn’t feel comfortable having them being watched by a stranger in a foreign country.  The only way I would *maybe* come is if you had a babysitter at the venue itself, and I would consider attending for my closest friend or sister.

I mean, you put the word DREAM in capital letters in your OP, which leads me to believe I really don’t think you’ve thought this through.  Your dream locale appears to be more important than the convenience of your guests.  You can do whatever you want, but don’t come back complaining that you have a very high decline rate.

Post # 32
Member
571 posts
Busy bee

I am not having kids at my wedding but we are having our wedding in our city so baby sitters are much more accessible. I don’t think you can exclude kids from a destination wedding sorry. 

Post # 33
Member
9421 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

mimivac :  Probably because there have been about a zillion posts where brides throw a fit about people not coming to their childfree wedding because “they have other people watch their kid all the time” or “their kid goes to daycare I don’t see why they can’t leave him for a night”.

Having someone else watch your kid for a few hours so you can have a date night or whatever is not the same as leaving them for an entire weekend, or a week+ as OP’s event would require.

Post # 34
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

mollyfromseattle :  A lot of PPs have asked important questions that make a difference, but I’m going to go out on a limb with my own perspective.

We are having a child-free destination wedding. This means, I am inviting people who I am all-but-certain will not attend for that reason. These people are important to me, and I love them, but ultimately fulfilling my vision for my wedding day is more important than having those specific people in attendance. 

We are also having a large family-friendly open house style reception after we get back. I might even wear my wedding gown again, just for kicks. I will be just as able to celebrate with those folks in a different setting, without asking them to spend a ton of money and leave their kids for a long weekend. 

I think you are being wildly optimistic if you think you are going to get 80+ guests to come to Greece with you, let alone worrying about whether people will want to bring their kids. Because even if you DID invite children, I bet most people would decline; international travel with children can be complicated – do they have all their shots? Do the little ones have passports? Likely nobody is relishing the opportunity to wrestle said children through customs, on and off of various planes, trains, and automobiles for a week just to attend your wedding. Or, maybe your friends love you JUST THAT MUCH. But, odds are against it. 

You have a vision. It is your dream venue. There’s no need to sacrifice that, but you have to recognize that no matter what your plan, there’s no guarantee everyone you wish could attend will make it. To be truly accomodating, a destination wedding is already off the table. So, stop trying to tell yourself that making sure everyone can attend is high on your list of priorities. It’s perfectly fine that it’s not, but there really isn’t a lot of room for compromise when you’re asking people to fly to the other side of the planet for you.

If you don’t want to sacrifice your venue or destination, then consider planning a separate celebration once you get home to include anyone who wasn’t able to join you abroad.

 

Post # 35
Member
7000 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

mollyfromseattle :  If you don’t want kids there, don’t invite kids. Just be prepared for those with children to decline. Traveling to your wedding in Greece isn’t like going from New York to Florida. That’s a huge expensive trip and one a lot of people are not likely to take without their kids.

I fully support childfree (I had one myself) and destination weddings if that’s what the couple wants. I’m just also a firm believer that you have to go into it being ok when people decline.

 

Post # 36
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We didn’t want kids at our wedding either and it was a great decision for us, and it sounds like you are leaning that way too. Some of your potential guests might not want to leave their kids for a week or may not be able to. If you’re ok with that then have the wedding you want to have. 

Post # 37
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

I think it boils down to which you want more. The wedding of your dreams or the people. Because with destination weddings its hard to have both. Especially if you dont invite children

Post # 38
Member
922 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

+ be prepared for family members with small kids to be offended, or think the “no kids” rule doesn’t apply to them, since the kids would presumably fit under your “large family” invite list, too.  maybe your family is more reasonable than mine and oh’s!

i’m not spending a week of my vacation without my spouse & kids to attend someone else’s wedding. i’m not leaving my kids for a week with anyone else but my spouse. as you see here, lots of bees feel the same. 

you have plenty of choices- good luck!

Post # 39
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee

I have to agree with most of the other PPs: if you don’t invite children it’s likely that your decline rate will be significant. Contrary to what you believe, many people cannot leave their children with extended family for a week. A lot of people will be using up a significant part of their holiday leave and budget, which they then cannot spend with their children. Also be prepared for people being reasonably hurt that you don’t want their children there, especially if you are related to them.

It sounds like you have quite a few children in your extended family, so I’m surprised that you seem not to have thought this through. It sounds like your vision doesn’t meet your situation I’m honest.

Post # 40
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee

teamroro :  That is the most sense I have heard in a long time!

Post # 41
Member
12093 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Full disclosure, I think most larger DWs are rude in putting an exotic venue over the people who deserve to be included. I think it’s an unreasonable ask and disingenuous to say that the only downside is that people might not attend.

Weddings are, hopefully, once in a lifetime. There are people who love and care for you who will not want to miss it and who will make unreasonable sacrifices of vacation time, convenience, and money to be there. You’re asking people to take your idea of their vacation and in this case to leave their families behind as well.

If your immediate family was truly on board with planning this, I’d either do something small and intimate followed by a larger reception back home or a traditional wedding at home that includes the people who ought to be there, followed by a Greek honeymoon.

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