- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
I know there are a million threads about whether to invite kids to the wedding. My situation is a little different.
Fiance has 6 nieces and nephews (at the time of the wedding, their ages will be 3, 6, 7, 9, 11, 12). I have none, but my cousin has two children who I usually just refer to as my niece and nephew because we’re so close. I would love to have FIs nieces and nephews at the wedding. I think it is important because they will be both of our family, and the three oldest are girls, and I know how exciting it was when I went to my first wedding when I was 13. Fiance seems adamantly against it, though he does change his mind from time to time.
His greatest argument for not wanting them there is so that their parents (his siblings) can have a kid-free evening. My argument back is that they can make the decision whether they want to bring their kids. Then he’ll say how they shouldn’t be at an evening/night time wedding with an open bar, and I reply saying we should let his siblings know that is what the environment will be, but then leave it to their discretion whether or not they want their children there.
I talked with my mother about our situation and she brought up that maybe he just doesn’t feel close to his nieces and nephews and just genuinely doesn’t want them there for that reason. I don’t know if his siblings would be offended if the kids aren’t invited, but I feel like if they’re not invited, it’s not like I’ll go to his siblings and say “yeah, Fiance didn’t want them to come, but I did”. So they might assume I was the one who nixed having children. Even WORSE, I REALLY want my “niece and nephew” to go. They’re super well-behaved, Fiance gets along with them so well and he loves them. My mother is also huge on them going. So I feel like it would look that much worse to have those two kids (7 and 10 for ages) at the wedding when FIs nieces and nephews weren’t invited.
I also want to mention that not all of FIs nieces and nephews are super well-behaved. The second oldest is an only child and throws mini tantrums if she doesn’t get her way (huffs away and pouts, not kicking and screaming type tantrums), and with the two younger boys, one is pretty hyper, and the other is very much a momma’s boy and does not tolerate anyone except his parents (he will cry if you even look at him, I’m not joking). So I do kind of understand how that is frustrating to Fiance, but the wedding is also still over a year away, so they can grow up quite a bit from now until then IMO.
I’m trying to step back from the situation and say to myself that as of now, those kids are HIS family, not mine, and maybe I should let him make whatever decision he is comfortable with. But I really would like to have them there, and I really want the two kids from my family to be there. I just don’t know what to do. I need some outside input from you bees!