(Closed) Kids at the wedding, a different kind of situation. Help?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

The kids will be YOUR (collective) family on your wedding day. You will be their aunt. My vote is to invite all the kids and let the parents make the call if they want to bring them or not. In the end, it’s the kids’ parents that need to make the choice. But you have well over a year to pull them aside quietly at Xmas or some other gathering and just let them know the kids will be welcome if the parents want to bring them.

Post # 4
11355 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I think it’s wonderful that you want your (and your FI’s) nieces and nephews there. 

Although we did not have alcohol at our reception (other than a choice of a small glass of champagne for our toast), we invited all of DH’s nephews and nieces as well as mine, plus the children of my two matrons of honor, since all of those children have known me their entire lives as their aunt.  The only other children invited were any minor children of my first cousins (since their parents had to travel from out of state.)

If your Fiance is adamantly against having his nieces and nephews there, I do think the decision should be his to make, because the choice involves his side of the family.  However, I think you should still plan on having yours there, because it’s important to you.

Post # 5
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@SneakyBee:  Can you hire a babysitter? Before you balk at cost, think about it. It may be the best $100 you spend.

What we are doing (we have 40 kids invited, most under 5, but all under 10) is inviting all children because there was no way to divide up the list without drama. You can not invite your cousin’s kids and not your future nieces and nephews without drama. It just won’t go well (which is why we have 40 kids at our wedding– the expense of the babysitter was worth avoiding the drama).

Our compromise was to hire a babysitter for a playroom at the reception. This give parents a series of options: first, will they bring their kids? If they want a kid free night out, that should be their choice. You shouldn’t shove your opinion of what you think they want at them (this is my FI’s logic, anyway). In talking to parents, about half of them are leaving their kids at home, and your future in-laws may be families that do.  Then, if they invite them and the kid turns into a terror, the parents can drop them with the babysitter. That allows all well behaved kids to be part of your day and the terrors to act their age elsewhere.

I say you and your Fiance both have to be 100% on board with whatever plan you have. Kids can ruin weddings, but they can also be great. You have to decide if the risk/reward is worth it.

Post # 6
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@alligirl78:  Yes, agreed.

OP, you can definitely pull the parents aside and say that you would be happy to have the kids there, but if they want a kid free evening, or don’t think the kids would enjoy it (some kids wouldn’t), then they can leave at home. Make this up to the parents. 

I never understand why kids can’t be at an event with an open bar?

Post # 8
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree with you. You should invite the whole family and leave it up to the parents to decide if they want the kids at the wedding.

Post # 10
123 posts
Blushing bee

@SneakyBee:  Worst case scenario, could you have your “niece and nephew” be your ring bearer and flower girl?  I know that many people have had the children they want to be there in the wedding party but aside from them making it a no-kids wedding.  The exception that they’re in the bridal party *tends* to make it a bit more acceptable that they’re there but not other children…

Post # 12
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think if you’re going to invite kids, you’ve got to invite everyones kids. You can’t pick and chose or, like you said, it’ll look bad when people show up and see children running around. 


My 7 year old step-daughter to be cried when I told her she wasn’t going to be able to come to my bridal shower, because its going to be at her favorite tearoom. But my reasoning was that a ton of my friends that will be there have kids the same age as mine. I feel like its not fair to have my kids there and tell them its adults only. 


I’m in the school of everyone or no one. You won’t hurt any specific persons feelings that way. 

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