Post # 1
My fiance and I decided right away that we would have no children at the wedding. I’m not a fan of cute flower girls crying down the aisle, or the screaming infant in the back of the ceremony whose mother won’t leave because she wants to see the kiss. I’m not a mean person, I just want an adult day.
So I don’t understand why people look at me like I have 3 heads when I say there will be no kids at the wedding! I’m not a parent yet, but I imagine that when I am, I will relish any time I get to spend dressed up with my husband and away from my kids for the evening. Why can’t parents be separated from their babies for a few hours? It’s not like kids enjoy weddings anyway. Fancy food and sitting quietly can’t even compete with pizza and a baby sitter who lets you watch scary movies!
Does anyone feel the way I feel? Any parents who can offer some insight on why it’s so insulting to not have little Tommy invited to my open bar affair?
Post # 3
I feel exactly the same way. My wedding is an evening formal affair and it’s not a place for children. Period.
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
I totally agree. And luckily, all of our friends who have kids are more than happy to leave them at home for an evening.
Post # 5
I understand. I’m not a parent, but I think I can offer a bit of the reasoning.
Many people view weddings as family events that introduce children to how society works. Others really enjoy wee ones at weddings because they emphasize the notion of family. And some just need to have their kids with them because they can’t find a baby sitter or worry constantly if they can’t be with them.
The best thing to do would be to stand your ground on the no-kids policy, be clear about what you consider to be a kid, and have information ready regarding babysitters for anyone who wants it. Have you entertained the idea of hiring an on site babysitter if for example you’re holding your wedding at a hotel?
Post # 6
I completely agree!!
We have haveing ONE guest under 21, our flower girl who is four. This was our compromise as I did not want any children as guests and the Fiance wanted at least some little girls to dance with (he was so cute about it I had to give in). We had actually asked another friend of ours if her twins could be flower girls #2 and #3 and she declined as she would prefer to have a fancy evening with just her and her husband.
We know that some of our guest may feel a little sad that their children are not invited, one uncle in particular, but we stand behind our decision. We were able to convince our parents as well and they have been great about spreading the word that guests with children should find a babysitter.
Post # 7
I agree with you, too. I am horrified at the thought of bawling, whining, sniveling children running around all day. I love kids, but not badly behaved ones. Thank god my family knows how to raise their little ones right and they are all well-behaved.
Post # 8
Totally agree. Our wedding is downtown on a Saturday night and not an appropriate venue for children. My FH’s family doesn’t really have a lot of adult only weddings so I expect to get a little pushback, but so far, I’ve heard more “Thank God! No kids!” than “Wait- I can’t bring my kids!” Honestly, some people need to learn that it’s ok and actually healthy to spend nights away from your kids once in a while!
Post # 9
Well, I’m actually totally open to kids, but our venue can’t handle the amount that would come if we didn’t have a no kids policy. We’re doing a wedding party (i.e. flower girl, ring bearer) and nursing infants only. We’d have over 50 kids if we included them! Just fitting the adults is going to be tight! Just stand your ground… you may encounter some trying to bully you, but… you can’t bend 🙂
Post # 10
I agree. We said no small children. I’m sorry I do no want little kids running all around my ceremony or reception. Our son who will be 3 when we get married, will only be at the ceremony to walk me down the aisle and then off to my daycare he goes. No reception for him.
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. Some ppl just can not control their children and they think that their misbehaivor is either cute or not that bad when in reality it’s terrible. I do not bite my tongue and will tell someone when I feel their child is being rude, disrespectful and out right misbehaving. I will not allow that to disrupt our day that we have spent a lot of money to create.
Post # 11
Not a parent, but, since I’m getting married a bit later than the national average, my best friends are all parents. And, the thing is, especially with NEW parents, their kids hang the moon. First kids, in the eyes of their parents are insanely adorable & every “first” moment (first Christmas, first step, first tooth, first wedding) is a highlight moment. Some parents can’t stop talking about their kids, some take pictures/movies of every little move or facial expression & then spend hours showing you every one. Some grandparents want to hoard every single second they can get with their new grandkids, & your wedding is an opportunity for that. And I’m not just talking about babies, 7 year old Tommy hasn’t been to a wedding before and Grandma wants to see her little man in a suit, or “gettin’ jiggy wit’ it”, or walking down the aisle. If the parents of these kids are important to you (for Fiance & I, these parents are the friends who have stuck by us for the last decade or the siblings who have been a part of our lives since we can remember), you show your love for them by respecting that healthy obsession with their kids – either invite kids or accept that they won’t be coming to your wedding. Those parents will make a choice – you or their kids.
I have noticed, however, parents of more than one child or parents of teens to tweens have an easier time parting with their kids…probably because the shine has worn off or their kids’ lives includes more than their parents (as it should by the time your 12) & so the parents have made more time for themselves. I’m betting that most of the complaints you’re getting are NOT from parents of kids this age.
Whatever you decide, your wedding is what you make of it. If you’re adamant about the “no kids” rule, stick with it & have the wedding you wanted (just sans some of the people you wanted).
Post # 12
Totally agree. We have made it abundantly clear that while kids can be around for the weekend (mountain destination in a family friendly town) that for the 6-7 hours or our wedding and reception we will help them find a sitter. So far, only one couple has opted to stay home because they can’t bring their kids. Everyone else is bringing them and sharing sitters.
A few of our friends are leaving their kids behind for the whole weekend and have thanked us for planning a time for them to just be adults.
People are going to have their feelings about it. Let them. And then go and enjoy the hell out of your wedding!
Post # 13
No kids. No kids at my wedding. Zero.
Post # 14
We’re doing kid-free as well. I told my mom that if my 16 year old cousin is the yongest one there, I will be happy!
Luckily, it will not be too hard for us. There are NO young children in my immediate family (like i said, 16 is the youngest). A few of my mom’s friends (like 2) have young-sh children, but they’re not the type to mind leaving them home for an evening.
Our second reception in Germany with my BFs family might be a BIT different, since everyone has kids. But even then most of them are teenagers vs. kids
Post # 15
My nightmare is that someone will show up with a child!!!
Post # 16
I think the appropriateness of children at a wedding hinges on the surrounding circumstances. A formal evening wedding with an open bar and a swinging band – definitely okay to request that kids be left at home.
I wanted to have all my neices and nephews at the wedding since there are so many in the family and I am particularly close to them. So we had three beautiful flower girls, a cute ringbearer and lots of other little kids besides. I took pains to make sure they were happy and entertained and it really made me happy to have them there.
But still, no one should look at you like you are a bridezilla for requesting that kids stay at home. It really is up to you, since it’s your party.