Post # 17
I totally agree! My Fiance and I immediately said “no kids!” because wanting 1 day to be about us and having a good time with our family and friends shouldn’t be tarnished by screaming kids and fingers in the cake. I’ve met resistance too though because in my family weddings are “family events.” sigh.
Post # 18
@MissHelen: your second justification – about kids being a symbol of family (and, for some, therefore a glimpse into the future for the bride & groom) is the reason why Fiance &s I made our wedding kid-centric. Just a part of the circle of married life for some, so it was something we wanted to celebrate.
But I totally get why many of you bees want formal, adult affairs. Stick to your guns, sisters, & have the wedding YOU want. I just think you have to be okay with some people choosing to not come to the wedding & as long as you’re cool with that, then it should all work out.
Post # 19
well… i think to each his own its your wedding and you need to do what is going to be better for you … but being someone who is a parent, all of you non parents need to realize that sometimes it is not that we dont want to leave our kids we need and want a break more than anyone but unless, you just have alot of family, know someone sometimes it is extremely difficult or impossible to find a babysitter… and yeah while some of you might say there are baby sitters out there well as a parent it is extremely difficult to feel ok with leaving your child with someone you dont know and just like you guys dont want to be worrying about tending to a kid on a fri, saturday night… just about everyone else without kids doesnt either.
I am a person who doesnt have alot of family or friends… when we get invited to adults only functions we have to pass 95% of the time… NOT because we wouldnt love to go have an adult night away but sometimes it is just not possible….. so if i got invited to a no kids wedding the odds of me having to miss it would be pretty good….
Post # 20
the hardest part is when ou invite a family that has multiple kids and only one is below 18 and u have to tell them only the 18+ can come…makes you sound like a real jerk! but u gotta stand your ground.
Post # 21
We had a no-kids wedding, too, and for a few reasons. One being that if we invited all the kids among family and friends, we would have had a lot of kids there! Plus, there are a few in the group who are not well-behaved. Our flower girl and ring bearer were the only kids; I have been babysitting for them since pretty much since they were born, I am very close to them, and they are VERY well-behaved. Only one person was upset and didn’t come because her son was not invited. If you don’t want kids at your wedding, that’s your right. I’ve been to and heard of weddings where kids caused a scene, and I think a lot of people have as well. Nobody looked at me like I had three heads when I said I didn’t want kids at the wedding. LOL.
Post # 22
We are doing “no kids” as well (with the exception being nursing infants, although some have already arranged to have sitters stay with their baby upstairs at our hotel venue so they can run back and forth). We would have had over 40 extra “people” there if we had included everyone’s children! I didn’t feel it was at all appropriate for our evening, open bar wedding.
We did call the parents of guests who were going to be traveling from out of town well in advance to let them know about the “no kid” policy so that they could make appropriate arrangements. They were very appreciative that we let them know personally. However, we let “word of mouth” spread the news to our local guests who have children- most are family and have regular babysitters/nannies that they use, and they were not surprised that we were not inviting children.
(I am allowing my 2 year old niece to come-shhh! But she’s my BABY, and I am the bride, so I feel I get to make one exception to my own rule!) 🙂
Post # 23
I’ve become a lot more relaxed about this as my wedding date gets closer. Unfortunately we didn’t ever have a choice as 99% of the children are offspring of our siblings and all of our siblings aer in the wedding 🙂 So we comprimised: They are comign to the ceremony but will be in a separate ‘kids room’ for the reception. I’m hoping everyone remembers this! But I”m taking myself out of it and letting my wedding coordinators do the kid-coralling and look like the bad guys on my wedding night 🙂
Post # 24
@FutureMrs.Harless – Thank you!!
I’m a parent as well and reading this was starting to bug me. I understand that people don’t want kids at their wedding and I completely respect that. If an event said adults only I would never consider bringing my daughter.
BUT, finding a sitter, paying a sitter, trusting a sitter, these are all things that are very, very hard to do for your own child. And chances are that if I’m invited to a wedding, a lot of the people I usually rely on to babysit are too. We run in to the same issues with trying to do nice dinner for birthday celebrations and things like that.
Plus, there are probably 20+ kids (under 15) in my family, so I’m just used to having kids there. Most of ours are well behaved and it was actually very cute when my neice and nephew started dancing at my brother’s wedding.
Post # 25
This is the great wedding debate which some people will not be respectful of and may ruin relationships. If you don’t want kids, don’t have kids at the wedding. I’m inclined to agree it’s the bride’s decision and don’t see what the big deal is either, but that’s me. Several of my family members still aren’t talking to me over the kid thing.
Post # 26
@FutureMrsHarless I think it’s nice that you brought up the other side. I completely understand parents not feeling comfortable leaving their child with a stranger- this is the main reason that I am allowing my niece at my wedding because my brother and SIL are from across the country and don’t feel comfortable leaving her with a stranger.
However, I think all moms and dads should have a good babysitter or two in their aresenal! Not just for weddings but for the random Date Night that every couple should have! 🙂
Post # 27
@jgibso27…YW i think the way is was all put really bugged me as well… I agree though I completely respect anyones decision to do whatever they want at their wedding. But I know personally that if i said NO kids … that would nix out most of my family as are his and I know alot of people would not be able to make it because in this day and age finding a trusting reliable babysitter is hard to come by.
I personally think that if you say NO KIDS it should mean NO KIDS…. without exception. I actually attended a couple of events where I was told NO kids were allowed then to see the party hosts 3 kids who were younger and much less well behaved than my child running wild through the party and Honestly it really upset me because it felt to me as if she was saying …. my kids are ok but I dont want yours here.
I just think you need to realize that maybe some people are shocked or dissapointed by the fact that they cant bring their kids because it will mean they have to miss the wedding.
Post # 28
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
The reason we’re not having kids at our wedding is purely a financial decision. If we invite one kid, we have to invite a LOT of kids, and adding in that many tables, place settings, chairs and kids meals can get pricey. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have a problem having a bunch of cute little kids running around at the wedding. I think it would be fun.
(Although, like I said above, our friends with kids are already looking forward to getting a kid-free night out)
However, I think that any couple has the right to include or exclude children from their wedding for whatever reason they like. They shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for their decisions.
And I agree with Miss Root that all parents should have a good babysitter in their arsenal for the much-needed night out. Personally, the boy and I haven’t decided for sure if we want to have kids, but if having kids means that I can’t ever go to adults-only functions, then I probably would decide not to have them.
Post # 29
Thanks for all the support! It feels so good to have a place where women in similar circumstances remind you that you can do whatever you want since you’re paying. I will be sad if some people can’t make the wedding because of child care issues, but I would be more sad to have children at the wedding.
Miss Root – I agree that everyone must have a good sitter or two! It’s healthy for parents to leave their young occasionally.
Parents- thanks for the info as well! I guess I just feel that if people really want to attend the wedding, they’ll find a sitter. If the money/worry/separation anxiety isn’t worth seeing me get married, I’m glad I’m not paying $100 for their dinner.
Post # 30
@AmberMcBride – I’m a parent, and I definitely would not take my daughter to an event she wasn’t invited to. That being said, I think saying “If the money/worry/separation anxiety isn’t worth seeing me get married, I’m glad I’m not paying $100 for their dinner” is a bit harsh. It’s not that black-or-white, cut-and-dry of an issue. Most parents have a couple of reliable babysitters in their arsenal, and if the scheduling doesn’t work out, they aren’t likely to come. It’s not because they don’t want to see you get married – it’s because they aren’t going to leave their child (especially a young one) with someone they don’t know at all in order to do so. Also, babysitting isn’t cheap – at $12-15 per hour in my area, it can prevent parents who are trying to watch their $$ from going to a long event like a wedding.
Again – I think you are completely within your rights to have an adults-only reception – but also should recognize that it’s not that simple of a choice for parents either.
Post # 31
I think it depends on the kids. I’ve been to a couple weddings where you didn’t even know they were in church and some of the flowergirls/ringbearers are really cute. I orig. wanted to have 2 little cousins as flower girls (they’re both 6/7 & total hams & one’s been a Flower Girl before so not a prob.) But I’d rather have their parents come and have an awesome time than worry about the kids – plus, they’d be coming from Long Island so I just decided against it.
I don’t care who’s at church, a baby noises during my ceremony wouldn’t bother me as long as it’s not screaming. The youngest at our reception will prob. be my nephew & he’ll be 16 by then.
Rude children, no matter where they are – weddings, church, grocery store… are not cool.