(Closed) Kids at the wedding! I seriously don’t get it!

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It’s so nice to hear that people don’t want kids at their wedding and seem to get what they want! 3 of my Bridesmaid or Best Man are sister-in-laws (2 will have a few month old baby girls by wedding time & 1 is our flower girl). I had stated in the beginning that I didn’t want kids invited (to the dinner/reception) due to the amount that would already add to our list. Plus like others have stated- a night out is good for people! But of course my two sister-in-laws got pregnant this fall!

It seemed as though everyone accepted that until a month or so ago when my future Mother-In-Law demanded the kids come from her side if people had to drive a long time. The battle began. It then turned into having one BM’s Mother-In-Law come to the dinner and then watch the baby… why should I be responsible for someone I’ve never met when you could easily grab a sub after the ceremony and hang out in the hotel room! And no baby rule means no crying baby in the room to ruin toasts/speeches.

Now the Bridesmaid or Best Man whose daughter is the flower girl (just short of 2) isn’t sure what she’s going to do after announcing our wedding “I’m going to PARTY!” Clearly watching your daughter is not on the agenda (keep in mind whenever the family is together I have to run after my future niece – not going to happen on my wedding day!)

My brother’s wife, also a Bridesmaid or Best Man, completely respects the idea of a no-baby/no-kid zone. It seems as though my family respects my ideas and wishes while the Father-In-Law want it their way. Weddings sure can be the devil!

Post # 33
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’ve gotten a lot of flack for our no-kid wedding too. We will have people refuse to come because they can’t bring their 4 year old etc. I wholeheartedly agree with you – leave them at home and enjoy an evening away with your spouse!

Post # 34
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

i’ve posted about this same thing twice now. in fact – his nephew – who has two kids under the age of 5 – AFTER we told him specifically no kids at the wedding – wrote “mr & mrs nephew AND kids” on the rsvp. talk about rude. my hubby is gonna have a talk with him when he comes for the tux fitting saturday (he’s an usher)

Post # 35
Member
4122 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

PeytonL79 – I would rather not get a gift and have your presence. If your gift is paying $75 (babysitting @ $15/hr) for a nice night out of a NICE dinner, drinks, and dancing… and being a part of the happiest day of my life, I’d be thrilled that you took part. And I wouldn’t mind spending the $100 on your meal, chairs, parts of centerpieces, etc. for you to have that wonderful evening… an evening which will also remind you and your husband of your own wedding, and young blissful love 🙂 After all, gifts aren’t mandatory. And it’s not cheap to have a guest come to your wedding either… 

After all, what’s the average price of a movie night for a family of 4? That, and kids LOVE babysitters, lol. Sometimes they are just as happy to see their parents go out 🙂

I know I’ll probably hit a snag. I know some people will be upset, but I really have no other choice! There’s no way to fit the 50-75 children that would come inside our venue, period. I really would hope that my friends can understand that, and hopefully they think of that when they see how tight it is with just adults.

But again, I would LOVE to have the kids, and in some ways am bummed they can’t come. Quite frankly, I’d be hurt if someone didn’t come just because of the principle that their kids weren’t invited. 

 

Post # 36
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I’ve read many of the threads about the “no kids” rule, and I’m totally fine with the idea!  But I have to say that, as a bride who is having a number of kids at her wedding, the insinuation that kids will somehow ruin the evening is a bit upsetting.  I totally respect your desire to have a certain “adults only” vibe at your wedding, but I’ve been a little hurt by a lot of the threads I’ve read on this subject–because “no kids” brides are making it sound like the presence of children will be disastrous.  That they’ll totally ruin the whole thing….this just hasn’t been my experience, and almost all the weddings I’ve been to have included children.  Perhaps I’m being too sensitive, because I do worry a lot about how my wedding will be perceived, but I don’t think kids at my wedding will make it any less beautiful or elegant.  

Post # 37
Member
4122 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

mrsmdphd – I’ve never seen a kid ruin a wedding and I’ve also never heard a baby cry during the ceremony. I’m a wedding photographer, so I go to a lot of weddings 🙂

Post # 38
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

This is such a controversial topic – YIKES!

We are planning to have kids, my Fiance and I have a fair number of kids in our extended family and they all have to travel for our wedding so we feel it’s only fair. I am however not including children of friends who live locally because it adds up much too quickly.

I can’t believe how upset people get over this topic, my first choice would be no kids because even though lots of kids are well behaved, there are always those bad days, without a nap, getting a cold/flu etc. where you just can’t predict their behaviour. Maybe it’s selfish but I would prefer to have an uniterrupted ceremony and a huge party after which can be tough to control with kids around. Its not an option for us with so many kids in the family, but thats just life.

Post # 39
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@ AmberMcBride: I agree with you.  Both our wedding ceremony and reception will be an adult only affair, no flowergirls, no ring bearer.  I love children too, but I do not want little sticky hands on my gown, or a fussy child or baby shreking just as we exchange our vows.  When a sitter unavailable or is not an option, all parents have to make a decision and fact of the matter is sometimes you just can’t go. 

Post # 40
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I see your side of this, and i have two kids. I totally agree its great when we get a night out, cause that never happens. The other side is maybe people dont’ know that you don’t want kids there (but i’m assuming they know this!!!) , but if they do they might have issues finding someone to watch the kids, of course if they got an invitation, then they had time to plan ahead! So as long as your not crazy and told them this 2 weeks before the wedding, there’s nothing wrong with saying there’s no kids !your wedding, your rules!

Post # 41
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My wedding won’t be entirely kid-free, but I’m pointedly not inviting a lot of children in my family. To keep the guest list under control, I’m only inviting my first cousins, but not my cousins’ kids. So my older cousins might run into the situation described by danadelphia above –“hey, my kid wasn’t allowed, but that kid was!” My youngest first cousins are 8, and I have second cousins from ages 19-newborn. I’m thinking about inviting the children of one of my first cousins because I’m closer to her than to some others, and her kids are young and it might be a hardship for her not to bring them. I don’t know. It’s harder when it’s not an across the board rule, but usually there’s some reason for it.

My mom and aunt have told me to expect that not inviting the kids will keep some people from attending, and they’ll call and ask about it, but we’re already over the hall’s capacity, so it wouldn’t be so bad if they didn’t come!

Post # 42
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

My personal opinion is that weddings are about bringing together families, and kids are part of that family so therefore, kids should be at the wedding should their parents choose to bring them.  If the parents want to take it as a night out, then that’s their choice.  I think these kid-free weddings are like saying because someone is a kid, they are less important and should not be included in a family event.  To me, that’s really sad.  And even if people did want to do kid free to get rid of the crying kids…  I think 18 is a pretty high limit…  I was already living in the dorms in college by 17 and I wouldn’t have been old enough to be invited to someone’s wedding…I don’t get it.  Maybe 13 & up or something but I don’t get the reasons for the whole 18 plus thing…this isn’t a club, it’s a family event.

Post # 43
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I should also say that I’m not paying for your wedding and though that’s what a wedding is to me, for some it’s just simply a party.  (Of course we know what that party is to celebrate, but a party rather than physically a bringing together of families…not sure if I’m explaining that well.)  Parents can always rsvp no.  Or even if it’s not simply a party and you have some other reason, whatever, it’s your wedding, not mine.  You should do what you want and people can either rsvp no, or frankly, get over it.

Post # 44
Member
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

You should be able to have the wedding you want, period. Growing up, our family weddings were like family reunions — informal and very family focused. That is definitely the expectation for my wedding and we are creating an atmosphere conducive to that because that’s our family custom. It would feel strange to me to NOT have my family member’s children. However, we aren’t inviting the children of friends, and hopefully they will understand. If we did, we’d have more than 30 children!

Post # 45
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m of the “more the merrier” mentality. I’m the oldest of 13 cousins on my dad’s side of the family and somewhere in the middle of 15 on my mom’s side and I can’t imagine not inviting all of the kids!

I have no doubt that they will all be on their best behavior because most of them are as excited about going as I am about having them there. (And I’ve also been – as I’m sure a lot of people have – to weddings/events where the children are more well behaved than some of the adults).

We’re fortunate enough not to have a cap on the number of guests our venue holds so I want as many of our friends and family to be there as possible (we are also giving all of our guests a plus one). Even though our wedding is going to be a very elegant, evening affair with a full open bar, it is first and foremost a celebration of our love, marriage, and family and I want to acknowledge that with an awesome party and everyone we love.

Post # 46
Member
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I love kids. I work with kids. I do NOT want kids at my wedding. IF I had neices or nephews, maybe. But I do not. So book a babysitter and leave the kiddos at home, peeps, bc we are gonna be throwing down! I’ll hang with your kids another day!

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