(Closed) Kids at the wedding! I seriously don’t get it!

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Some people really create some drama regarding this issue! Future Sister-In-Law got married last year and didn’t invite any kids under age 16. Family members whose kids were over 16, thus invited to the wedding, actually boycotted the wedding because other family members’ children weren’t invited. It was ridiculous and it really hurt FSIL’s feelings, when she did absolutely nothing to deserve it. I am having an adult wedding as well, but so far my drama has been mild compared to hers. But we’ll see…after all, those same people will be invited to mine.

Fiance and I have a lot of reasons for having an adult wedding, including financial reasons and safety reasons (part of our venue is outdoors in the mountains and we’ll be next to a river…doors will be propped open and guests will be free to wander outside all night). The reason we don’t talk about is that Fiance and I just aren’t kid people and we prefer not to be around them. We don’t want kids of our own and we never have to be around any kids, so we would prefer not to have kids around on our big day. People would probably think we’re evil for this, but it’s how we feel.

Post # 48
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@zoekat – thats SO how we are. no kids now, dont want kids, not kid people, and would prefer them to not be at the wedding.

personally i have been to my share of weddings and have been IN my fair share of weddings and the ones that have children present always have a disruption. mind you often parents and others WITH kids dont usually notice this, so you get the whole “oh i didnt notice any crying/wimpering/insert wahtever behavior or sound here” but when you arent used to that all the time, you notice.

so no kids period at the wedding. and if folks are mad about it or dont want to come because of that, so be it, but im not making exceptions for anyone because if you make one exception, you have to make them all.

Post # 49
Member
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have no problem with no-kid policies, as long as they’re fair. I think that sometimes people get so caught up in the exceptions that there end up being a lot of kids there, and the people that did politely leave their kids at home feel slighted. 

Also, I know I’ve said this before, but the notion that anyone under 21 is a kid is ridiculous, period. Maybe that’s not the nicest way to put it, but I feel very strongly about it. I really think it should be 18 and under. 

Post # 50
Member
1738 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

i will have kids in my wedding. we have a seven year old daughter that will be a huge part of the wedding. we have our ring boy. its very difficult for us to not include kids in our wedding. my fi have 5 nieces and nephews and i have 9. we love them. 

that being said, when ever we are invited to a party or wedding we dont take our daughter. we like to enjoy the party alone.

Post # 51
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I agree, but because of my husband and his family we had to have kids at our wedding.  I knew it would be trouble.  That’s why I wasn’t surprised when my cousin’s kid was running up and down the aisles at our church ceremony and when he stuck three of his fingers all the way into our cake.  I didn’t see that happen.  Luckily my parents and the venue coordinator did see that and had the caterer fix it up right away.  I thought it was kind of funny what the kid did, but annoying at the same time that the parents couldn’t watch him closer.  My venue was a modern art center.  Who would want to bring little kids to a place like that with expensive art work and then not keep a close eye on them?

Other than that there were no mishaps that I know of.  But I still don’t get why parents would want to bring kids to a wedding, unless of course it was a destination wedding they’d have to be gone for for multiple days.

Post # 52
Member
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

 Just wait AmberMcbride, wait till you have a child someone says something so harsh to you. No being seperated from you child and puttting them with someone you dont trust is not worth seeing you get married. Personally I think thats a very very selfish thing for you to say. Your wedding honestly isnt what parents dream of going to, to get away from kids. Parents dont dream of spending their date night together at someone elses wedding. I am a mother and Im NOT a kid person. But I love my son so much that Im not just going to leave him with anyone because someone thinks their wedding is more important then my son having a good babysitter.

   No offence but I really think you need to think before you speak.

Post # 53
Member
7810 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

We chose to invite only nieces and nephews (no friend’s children) to our wedding.  Half the siblings are bringing their kids and half are not.  I don’t really care either way.  I have a daughter.  I would never take her to a wedding unless it was for an immediate family member- and then only if she was specifically invited.  And maybe not even then.  I do enjoy an evening out. to enjoy myself without having to watch her like a hawk (which is the consideration any bride would deserve).

Post # 54
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We are having kids at our wedding, seeing as we have 3 of our own….however most parents we have invited as guests are leaving their kids home.  I say it is a personal choice, if your wedding is geared towards adults than kids would be bored as you said.  I certainly wouldn’t bring my kids to a friends evening reception, even if they were allowed!  A family member might be a different story, if my kids were also family to the couple.  My 9 year old would be mad if she missed a family wedding!

 

However, i do have to say that its comes through taht you are not a parent, given the way you talk about kids in general, and yes it WILL change when you have your own.  My kids and the others coming can’t wait for the “Dance party” and I am including family members children because they are family to me too!  To each their own, but be warned there will come a time when you decline an invite because you can’t find a sitter, the kids get sick, or because you just can’t stand to be away from your little one(s)!  It happens to the best of us, even those who swear it won’t…

Post # 55
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@kare–honestly I am glad to see that I am not the only one that got a little annoyed with this!  Its not what is being said per say, but maybe the tone…it does come off a little harsh.

Post # 56
Member
244 posts
Helper bee

i don’t have any kids, i’m not close to having kids, though i do love kids, and i do understand not wanting kids in your wedding, that is your choice.  BUT!!!  you gotta understand it’s not easy for these parents… after hearing horrible babysitters in the news, i would be wary of leaving my (future) kids with someone that’s not family… and what if you don’t have family nearby?  (seriously, did you hear about the nanny throwing that 11 month old around?!  =( =( =()  so, seriously, how do YOU not get that people want to take their kids with them?

you can have any kind of wedding you want… but if someone wonders why you don’t want kids in your wedding, just brush it off.  not worth it to insult others.

Post # 57
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It’s your wedding and your day and you can do what you want.  I am adamantly against children at wedddings.  Why?  Because I’ve been to far too many where the flower girl yaps the entire time to her daddy who’s a groomsman or a baby is screaming which is distracting.  My FI’s sister lives overseas and will be flying back here with her 3 yr old and a 6 month old.  This horrifies me, but I have a 2 yr old niece who I love.  So, those will be the only 3 children at the wedding and believe me if any one of them makes a peep I will stop the ceremony dead and have them removed immediatly.  Ideally, the 6 month old will be napping in the bridal suite since my ceremony begins at 6:30pm.  Several of my friends and cousins have young children under 5, but none of them are invited.

Post # 58
Member
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

We wanted no kids, except the ones who were in the wedding party, but we ended up with a coulpe of small cousins as well. I totally get this, but in the end, I’m so glad they came! We got some awesome pictures of them, they were too cute all dressed up, and they didn’t ruin anything at all. They were awesome during the ceremony (granted, it only lasted 10 mins, tops) and they were little dancing machines all night, except for the 2 babies, who got passed around and loved on all night.  I understand for the people who have a lot of kids, that you can’t make the exception, so you just need to sound like a broken record when you explain to people that no you can’t bring Suzy cuz we can’t afford to invite 100 other kids, hopefully you will be able to come.

Or, if there is a separate room at your venue, you could always hire a babysitter or 2. I think it you were able to provide a reliable person, parents would be willing to pay to have their kids watched so they could enjoy the party

Post # 59
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

This thread just reminded me to put the “adults-only” line on our wedding website soooo thanks OP!

Post # 60
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

 

I personally agree with the “no children” policy and fully intend on making my wedding such.  Even though my wedding is still two years away, long engagement due to funds, my sister has already given me an earful about not wanting my niece to be in our wedding. My decision is based on previous weddings that I have attended.  I have seen parents have HORRIBLE times from screaming, crying, unhappy children.  They have to constantly chase them and know where they are, they are not able to FULLY enjoy themselves.  I plan on finding a sitter or two and allowing the parents to drop their children off in the specified hotel room before the ceremony, assuming they cannot find their own sitters, so that there is no excuse as to why at the last minute I end up with a little one at the ceremony/reception.  I want my wedding to be a fun experience and I just do not think that can be done when little ones are in tow.

Post # 61
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

wow, I am really shocked by some of the comments on here. As a parent I would NOT be offended by an adult only event. But don’t be offened if for whatever reason I can’t get a babysitter and decline your invitation. The comments that every parent would enjoy a night out without the kids, is true, but spending my ocassional night out at someone elses wedding, might not be what I have in mind. Also, we don’t have a lot of family close by and I really don’t believe it is right to leave your kids with someone you don’t know well,so no not everybody has a couple babysitters on speed dial. Until you are a parent don’t make assumptions on what one should do.

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