(Closed) Kids at the wedding! I seriously don’t get it!

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 122
55 posts
Worker bee

I registered to WeddingBee after reading this thread, although I have been lurking a while.

I completely understand the no kids rule. While I generally think children are adorable and charming (I was the type to volunteer at bible summer camp) I had a nightmarish experience.

I attended my BF’s nephew’s wedding and there were about fifteen children there under the age of 10. The wedding had kids running around, but no noisiness, which I tolerated.

Then the reception came. Children were running and screaming. There was absolutely no parenting going on. We couldn’t hear the DJ, announcements, or toasts. And while I was in the bathroom an 8 year old boy climbed under the door and into the stall with me. The same boy also hit me because I wouldn’t give him my cell phone to play with. My boyfriend and I left shortly after that.

When I get married I will probably offer some sort of “kids area” away from the activities so people do not have to decide between me and their children.


Post # 123
2545 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It’s your wedding, do what you want. But there’s no need to be knockin’ children down, really.

Post # 124
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Ah.  The great kids-at-the-wedding debate! I think plenty of PPs have given you insights about why peops like to be invited with their kids. 

Here’s why I like, and LOVED, having kids at our wedding in June – I think we had 15 kids under the age of 10.  Plus a young babysitter whom the family had known for years (and a goody bag for each with little crafts).  Simply put — it’s a blast, for all of us and for them.  One of the rare and wonderful family/friends get-togethers left (sans TV, sans shopping, etc.) where people gather in wonderful spirits to be together and celebrate.  On the waaaay other end of the spectrum from some of the PPs, I actually felt a little guilty wanting to have everybody’s children at our wedding, because I knew how much it would add to the joy and festivities and the oohs and ahs down the aisle and, yes, to the photos! I’d looked through so many super-fab wedding photographers (not to use them, but to get ideas from them) and the pix of the young kids are the best of all.  And turns out — one of my favorite photos from all 800 from our wedding is a black & white of a bunch of our littlest cousins (twin boys, our ring bearers, in tuxedors, and the littlest girls, one a flower girl in a plume of tulle) with one of the little boys sticking his tongue out at one of the little girl cousins.  The other kids were cracking up.  These are the kinds of pictures that get passed around and handed down in a family – like heirlooms practically!  I think parents watch their little ones, and you could have your mom and some of the older relatives pass the word around before the wedding about how much you welcome the kiddies but how important it is to you that they be kept in check by their parents, most especially during the ceremony. As for cost, your caterer or venue should charge pennies for mac and cheese and pigs in a blanket compared to what the adults will be eating!

Post # 125
3313 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

View original reply
@Kittyachi: “I really think it’s more about the parents of the children than the children themselves. Children will be children. It when the parents don’t take responsibility for their children. If your child starts crying or being otherwise disruptive during the ceremony, it is your responsibility as a parent to take your child out of that situation until he or she quiets down. It is your responsibility as a parent to watch your child at the reception and make sure your child does not stick his or her fingers in someone’s wedding cake (just to use an example that keeps popping up). There are plenty of great parents out there that understand this. There are also a lot of parents who don’t. I, unfortunately, have to contend with the oblivious inconsiderate parents. If we did kids, I would have to deal with Mrs. “Look at me I’m a mommy look how cute my screaming five year old across the room is” while she chats it up in the line for the open bar and double-fists chardonnay. Great parenting.”

Yeah I couldn’t agree with you more.  A LOT of this bad perception of kids has to do with parents that really shouldn’t be parents.  I have seen so much in the way of parents who seem to believe they have no responsibility to their kids it’s ridiculous!

On the other hand, I did choose to have kids at my wedding.  I had 4 kids under the age of 7 at the ceremony (2 of them under 2 years old) and 5 kids under the age of 7 at the reception.  I wouldn’t have changed that for the world!  I am lucky to be surrounded by parents that actually DO care for their kids though.  I know that my 18 month old nephew started crying for his mom (my bridesmaid) at some point during the ceremony.  I remember hearing the crying start and then it was just gone.  I mean literally he was crying for all of 10 seconds before my brother had him picked up and had carried him outside to quiet him.  Same thing happened with my hubby’s niece.  Both parents were very quick and considerate.  Yes I noticed, but it absolutely didn’t interrupt the ceremony AT ALL.

At the reception I loved playing with the kids!  Maybe they had sticky fingers, but tbh I didn’t notice if they did and I don’t see handprints on my dress either.  And I got some totally fun and very cute pics like this:


I love kids, and wedding to me are the bringing together of 2 families.  Families include both adults and kids, so to me it wouldn’t have been right if the kids weren’t there.  

That said, a wedding IS a personal thing.  I like having kids around, but I can respect that others don’t.  What gets me annoyed is when people say things like “Weddings are no place for kids”.  That’s a blanket statement that just isn’t true.  My wedding was the PERFECT place for kids.  People who are saying that statement really mean “MY wedding is no place for kids” and should be saying it just that way.  I wanted a family event.  Other people want a party with drinking and wildness etc.  If that’s the case, then you’re right, your wedding ISN”T a place for kids.  But to blanket it and say that weddings in general don’t mix with kids, is just fallacy.

My hubby and I plan on having kids, and should we be invited to a wedding but not our kids, then we wouldn’t be offended, but we will have to make the choice to attend or not depending on whether we can get a sitter and whether we WANT to get a sitter.  So don’t be offended if I decline your adult only invitation because of my kids!  🙂

Post # 126
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I feel exactly the same way. Children will not be at our wedding. I have some family members who I know are going to be upset by it, but I just don’t want them there. Maybe it makes me a bad person, but I just don’t feel like a wedding is the place for children.

Post # 127
2977 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Over Thanksgiving, a family member actually had the gall to ask my mother “could they bring their child if HE PAID FOR HIM TO COME!” My mom was shocked and said simply that it wasn’t an issue of money, it is what the bride and groom want- an adult only celebration. Plus, she also explained that if the other guests see one child there they could be hurt and offended that their little angel wasn’t invited as well. So far they are the only ones that complained, but thankfully my mom stuck up for my Fiance and I. Most of our guests are delighted to have a night away from their little ones, as mentioned above. People are so rude! There are many reasons that a couple would not want to have kids at their wedding/reception….get over it! Stop putting the brides through this; we have enough on our plates.  If you’re that offended, just don’t go!!!

Post # 128
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I see what PPs mean by not wanting to have kids at their wedding. It is a personal choice and I see their point. 

We are having kids at our wedding and are also providing sitters for kids so they don’t have to be stuck with the adults. Our wedding is a destination wedding at a winery and we are having open bar. Most parents have told us that they won’t be bringing the kids along because they want to have a romantic weekend in Sonoma. I do know our some of our friends kids, our nieces and nephews will be there so I figure why not pay the $500 to make sure the parents don’t have to run behind their kids and hopefully the kids will have fun with the nannies.

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