(Closed) Kids at Wedding

posted 5 years ago in Guests
Post # 16
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Carmen\'s Lakeview

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AstonMartin:  We have kids coming to our wedding and we don’t have a problem with this mostly because there aren’t a lot of kids in our circle of family and friends. Fiance has cousins that are 6,10,12, and 14 and that’s about it. 

We’ve invited a few people with infants but they already decided on their own not to bring them.

I think I would be fine with having a lot of kids as long as their parents remove them from the ceremony if they start crying.

Post # 17
4037 posts
Honey bee

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AstonMartin:  Here’s the breakdown of my daughter’s wedding: black tie, reception 6:00-11:30, 12-piece band, the whole nine yards. Elegant, historic venue. Total costs from venue (including linens, lighting, etc.) = $175 per adult. (About $50 per person less than the Saturday night rate).

Adult rate charged for ages 13 and up. No discount for 5 hours of open bar. (I’m assuming they do this to not have a lot of kids running around, or underage guests, who will find a way to drink alcohol). Kids meal – approximately $75 each and main course served around 8:30-9:00, when a lot of little ones are asleep.

My husband – he and I hosted 100% – put his foot down and said “no one under 21.” There was some grumbling, from the groom’s side, but no one offered to pay a cent. Therefore, no one under 21 was there, except for the bride’s honorary little sister – 16.5, who was a bridesmaid.

Sunday night of a holiday weekend. 250 invited, 225 attended. Save the dates went out 10 months before. One couple cited childcare issues. Oh well …

Post # 18
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I guess my first question would be this:  Can you trust the people with kids to actually be responsible?  There are parents who will take care of the kids and you will barely even know they are there.  Then there are parents who will either a)ignore their children completely or b)overestimate their child’s ability to behave in public (such as allow their three year old to approach you whilst carrying a cup of fruit punch).  

If the parents fall in the first category, I would probably grin and bear it.  If they fall in the latter category, I would provide childcare on site.  Alternatively, I would set up a children’s area either in the back of the main room or in a secondary room and have at least 2 professional baby sitters to take care of the kids.  Give them coloring books, ice cream, and a Disney movie.  Chances are most of the kids themseles will choose to do that rather than listen to a bunch of adults talk.  It makes you seem thoughtful, all the while helping to corral the kids.  

Post # 19
37 posts
  • Wedding: June 2015

we have no kids in our immediate family, so i wanted no kids at our wedding and my fiance thought that might prevent some friends from being able to attend. i pointed out that we were giving them plenty of time to arrange for a sitter. my main reasoning was that i wanted our friends to enjoy a nice evening out without having to worry about what their little ones were getting in to, or have to leave early, things like that. also, we’re having an open bar and i don’t know how crazy things may get. he finally agreed with me when we started talking to his parents about their guests and their guests kids, and just decided adults only would be way easier.

Post # 20
460 posts
Helper bee

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sumshine.dawn:  +1

We’re also setting up a crèche room next door and  hiring event nannies. Filling the crèche with exciting toys that the children can take home afterwards.

We’ve said children can’t come to the ceremony or wedding breakfast – ceremony because we don’t want the interruptions and wedding breakfast because really I think it’s too much to expect young children to sit quietly for a few hours. Of course they’ll want to run around and parents will want to let them or have to wrestle with them to sit down and behave. But for the rest of the in-between bits they’re more than welcome to leave the crèche/nannies and run around so they’ll still be a part of the day and they’ll still be in the pictures etc.

Too be honest I think it’s a kindness to the children and the parents by not including them in the boring grown up parts of the day! The kids can behave like kids and the parents can relax and have a drink!

Post # 21
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

We are not inviting any children to our wedding with the exception of the ring bearer, who is probably about 10 years old.  I feel that weddings are really meant for adults.  Children just don’t understand or care about what is going on.  I’d rather the people there be able to enjoy the day without worrying about what baby is crying or if the toddler is running away down the golf course.

Post # 22
7179 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

We did not have any children at our wedding, simply because I don’t find weddings a suitable place for kids. My MOH’s kids were the Round Brilliant & Flower Girl and were welcome at the reception but she preferred to send them with a sitter after the ceremony/photos. The only person under the age of 25 was my sister who was 13 at the time. We had a few people on DH’s side who didn’t attend because we got married in the fall and they had kids. Oh well. I had a few on my side that didn’t attend for the same reason. The funny thing is, the relatives of mine who didn’t attend because of their kids all had kid-free weddings themselves that I was not invited to becaues they are much older than me.

I was really honest about the reason – I just don’t like kids at weddings. It wasn’t a space or budget issue. I’m sure a lot of it stems from my job as a wedding photographer and I attend more weddings in one year than most people do in a lifetime. I see it ALL. There is never a wedding with kids where they are not in the way. We’d all love to think that parents are responsible and look after their kids – they don’t. The ones who do spend the whole night chasing their kid and not even getting a chance to enjoy themselves – so what’s the point? Don’t get me wrong, while budget was not a factor, I certainly didn’t want to pay for a bunch of people (kids) that I didn’t want there. Had it been a factor I certainly would not have passed on inviting people I wanted to be there for a bunch of kids.

I just don’t see what is enjoyable about keeping a kid out past their bedtime, and having to find a way to entertain them and keep them happy an quiet at a formal event? I guess I’m just lucky because all my friends have kids (I’m like the last one with no kids) and all of them happily get sitters when they have adult activites/events so I got NO resistance from them. In fact, they were hiring a sitter the second they found out the date BEFORE they even knew it was a no-kids event.

Post # 23
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I love kids and could not imagine my wedding without my nieces and nephews. I have nice memories of going to weddings as a kid and seeing the beautiful cakes (bells made out of frosting on one) and the brides looked so beautiful. That said, I think kids can cause major problem. And I must confess I have a vague memory of being at a wedding, meeting up with other kids, and raising a ruckus.

Post # 24
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

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AstonMartin:  If you keep it black tie is likely that a lot of people will keep the kids at home even if they are invited. I think that’s probably your best option. 

Us? We are having about 50 kids under 10 at our wedding! We are embracing the chaos. The kids are getting their own favors. In fact- I’ve already purchased all of them and haven’t even decided what the adult favors are going to be yet! Totally excited about it.

Post # 25
2330 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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AstonMartin:  We had already a guest list of 550 people not counting children (480 rsvpd yes and attended). If we included children it would’ve ended up being easily 100 to 150 more guests. Thanks but no thanks. We had A LOT of bitching and moaning and a few people refused to come without their kids. Sorry but weddings are events for adults. 

But this is also a very personal decision because we all have different opinions about kids. Good luck with your decision 🙂

Post # 26
779 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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AstonMartin:  we had a black tie affair and had about 10 or so children, because DHs family expected that. We had a sitter in a separate room with toys and movies and an air mattress and the kids loved it. They were only allowed in the ballroom accompanied by/supervised by an adult and it worked out really well. The children ate at the table in the ballroom with their parents because DHs family did not approve of feeding them separately (I’m used the idea of ‘the children’s table’ but their family doesn’t see it that way) I’d say just be clear ahead of time with your event coordinator on how you want them to handle the children.

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