Post # 1
We are starting looking at planning our wedding! The first thing we tackles was trying to estimate the number of people to invite as that will help us pick a venue/ date/ etc. Well both our families have tons of kids. If we invite everyone in both our families ( +1 for singles spouses for married/engaged) we have about 110 people. But 40 of those are children under the age of 8. This is because 2 of his uncle’s fosters children and both have 14 kids at the moment. My cousins all have 5+ children as well. Due to our budget and just the sheer about of young children we are seriously considering saying no one under 16. Except my nephew ( ring bearer) and his niece ( flower girl). We understand that some people may not be able to attend if we say this. But we have no idea how to deal with 40 kids at a wedding. ( sorry if in wrong place)
Post # 2
Are the potential ring bearer and flower girl the only two children who are actually nieces or nephews (i.e. the children of your sibling or your fiance’s sibling?)
It is ok to exclude cousins’ and uncles’ children, but including siblings’ children; because siblngs’ children are closer relatives. So if that is your plan, it’s fine. But it is not ok to include some siblings’ children and not others. (By “not ok” I mean if you try it, there will probably be major family drama).
Post # 3
70 adults and 40 kids sounds like sheer insanity. My family has been hosting adult only weddings, since the late 1960s – usually the legal drinking age, which is an easy cut-off.
Post # 4
yes those are the only imedaite family ( brothers and sisters kids) that are under 16.
Post # 5
You are welcome to have a child-free wedding and they are welcome to decline if they can’t find childcare.
You aren’t obligated to invite 40(!) kids!
Post # 6
No one sane expects you to invite the 40 kids in your family. Invite who you want. Just know that you will get advice here to just put who, exactly, is invited on the invite envelope address.
Then get ready for no one to notice the front of the envelope as it gets thrown away. Also be ready for the questions- “Can I just bring my 2 toddlers. They don’t eat anything.” “If I can’t bring my 11 month old then I’m not coming either.” “No we never use babysitters….well only when WE go out to an event that’s important to US to enjoy without kids.” “But I wanted everyone at your wedding to get to know my 2 year old they’ve never met!”
Or they will just write in their kids names or just show up with their kids or someone will threaten not to pay for something if someone’s kid can’t come.
My advice. Decide with your fiancé exactly what you want and then just be firm and polite, when you say NO, to those who want to bring their kids. There will be those that don’t show up because they don’t want to get a babysitter, but don’t worry about it.
Post # 7
I feel the same way as others – we are having a child free wedding, but we are also aware that a few people may choose not to attend and we are prepared to be positive and gracious in response because that is their right. We have offered to help people secure childcare (not pay, but will help them find a trustworthy person in the area), we also know that all people with children have options at home if they don’t want to travel with the kids. However, we know there is still a chance that people will be offended that their children aren’t invited. Ultimately, our venue is not child friendly (almost to the point of being potentially dangerous), but it’s hard to relay that when people haven’t seen it yet, so we have just put out the word of no kids and will deal with it individually if it is an issue – but there will be no exceptions for us.
Good luck with your decision! As long as you’re prepared to stand your ground, it should be fine. It’s your day! :).
Post # 8
The only children we are having at our wedding is my siblings (who will be 13, 8 and 5) who are all in the wedding and my FI’s nephews (who will be 3 and 1). Everyone else invited will be over the age of 18 (the legal drinking age here in Australia). Both my Fiance and I have a lot of young cousins (we’re talking 16 and younger) and a handful of our friends also have young children – we simply cannot accommodate this many children at our venue if we want to invite family/friends whom we actually have more of a relationship with.
Post # 9
I just have to say, I had 40 kids under 11 at NY wedding and they were awesome. No crying or screaming during vows and they loved dancing at the reception. You’re totally in your bounds not to invite them, but I’m glad we did.
Post # 10
Thanks for your input guys. We understand that there will be issue and complaints as most of the family has to travel anyway and may or may not want to bring their children.
I wouldn’t mind as much if I had any type of relationship with even half of there children. Most are cousins kids who I haven’t met or been around ever. Then there’s the foster children issue. There’s no guarantee that number will not fluctuate between now and the wedding and there is no way to know how they will behave as he focuses primarily on older children entering the foster system and there is an adjustment period.
Post # 11
I am just as conflicted as your are. We are having our wedding on a yacht from 6-11:30pm. There will be no place to take your child if they start to act up. THere are 3 levels to the boat so someone will be having to watch your kids at all times. We have decided to inclue ” due to limited seating we are asking no children under 10″
This way there won’t be babies or toddlers. We understand that some people may not be able to attend because they won’t be able to get a sitter. But our guest list with kids went WAY over the limit on the boat and while I have alreayd had people tell me that they can not attend but if we cut the kids then it would cut our guest list by 13.
Post # 12
The fact that your families have to travel does change things a little. We have around 10 guests who will be travelling a bit of a distance to attend our wedding – and they either don’t have kids yet or have adult kids who don’t live at home. If any of these guests had younger children, we would have tried to come up with a solution that allowed for them to be accommodated – no one really wants to leave their kids at home if they’re travelling to attend a wedding or leave them with a stranger in a city they’re not from.
How far are your guests having to travel?
Post # 13
most are within the same state so it would be a weekend trip ( Texas ) but some of his family that will be traveling including the uncles with 14 kids are in Minnesota
Post # 14
My plan is to do my fiance’s niece and nephew only. I’m on the older side and many of my friends (and his cousins) have little kids. It could amount to 30 people at the wedding ages 5 and under. I love children but that just seems nuts to me. So we’re limiting it to immediate family.
Post # 15
We are not inviting children either. We are going to hire a baby sitter (or 2) to watch kids in one of the near by hotel rooms during our wedding. Maybe you can look into doing something like that?