Kids at wedding?

posted 5 months ago in Guests
Post # 31
Member
4708 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

futuremrs816 :  whilst we had family kids only I definitely don’t think you should go back on what you said. If they were tens years older I would feel differently but as you point out, they won’t even remember. It’s your wedding. Stand your ground.

Post # 32
Member
274 posts
Helper bee

I was at a wedding once where a ~3 year old talked through the entire ceremony.  Then, a different set of kids ran around the reception chasing each other with silverware, screaming.  I will never understand the entitlement of parents who think that their children should be welcome everywhere… and Your fiancé’s sister is ridiculous expecting the parents of the groom to tend to the terrors of her loins.  Guarantee her husband’s parents weren’t in spawn duty when she got married.  I’ve even seen threads on here were a person who had a child free wedding FLIPS when her prewwwwwious wittle baaaaaaaabies aren’t invited to someone else’s event.  Don’t feel bad, don’t let your fiancé cave.  Point out to him that his sister is making his day about her and her kids, something she definitely didn’t let happen when she got married (I’d wager on it!).

Post # 33
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

missviolet92 :  I too have seen what happens when you cave to pushy parents. My SO’s sister did not invite children to her wedding, and one of their cousins made a stink about it. His sister eventually gave in enough to let the cousin bring her three boys (about ages 3 – 7) to the ceremony. They talked and fidgeted the entire time, and when the cousin went up to do a reading, she jokingly introduced herself as “the one with the noisy kids.”

We won’t be inviting children to our wedding just based on sheer numbers (my first cousins alone have almost 20 kids amongst them). But I do not want to make any exceptions either because I honestly don’t trust parents to keep their kids quiet and under control. Weddings are not fun for kids anyways, so I don’t feel they are deprived of anything when not invited. And if parents can’t or don’t want to make arrangements to attend a wedding themselves, then I understand. 

Post # 34
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

bibliophilacticbee :  “even a full tantrum would just be a funny memory to tell them one day when they graduate”

I have the feeling you’re in the minority on this one… A child having a meltdown midway through a wedding ceremony isn’t funny or cute. It completely ruins the atmosphere and distracts both the couple getting married and their guests from what is an extremely personal, intimate and important moment in their lives.  I would be fucking LIVID if anyone, child or not, caused such a distraction during my wedding ceremony. If you canno’t trust your child 100% to sit still and quiet for half an hour, don’t bring them to the ceremony (even if they are invited).

I have a bit more patience for children at the reception, because by that point the “serious” bit is over and it’s time to eat, drink and be merry, so it’s not nearly as big of a deal if a kid starts pitching a fit and has to be taken outside for a bit. Still annoying AF though if there are kids running around all over the place bumping into people, sticking their hands where the don’t belong, and interrupting people who are trying to have a nice time. 

Post # 35
Member
1658 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

girlfriendphd :  this is too much. I literally would’ve caved to the pressure, if my husband wouldve let me. My sister even manipulated my parents & then my parents would tell me my nieces & nephew were behaving now.  They weren’t . At my youngest sister’s gender reveal 3 months later, they broke the towel rack handle in her bathroom. They also nearly smashed her hurricane lamp!! Their parents don’t watch them or tell them off. They once came to my house and started jumping on my couch 😐.

Dad offered to pay for a babysitter if they paid for the 2nd baby sitter. No, they wouldn’t. Oh well!

Post # 36
Member
1658 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

sophx8 :  we knew years in advance we didn’t want kids at our wedding and we didn’t want to compromise our dream day. You bet when my sister got married, if there were any kids she wouldn’t have invited them. She didn’t even invite dad’s siblings. Lucky for her she’s the oldest and none of her friends had kids yet. 

Post # 37
Member
7898 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

bibliophilacticbee :  

even a full tantrum would just be a funny memory to tell them one day when they graduate.

Possibly . It  would not , however,  be a funny event or future  story   for the people getting   married, which  is kind of the point here. 

Your position on this issue is merely different , not morally superior as your  post tries to imply. 

Post # 38
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am a mom and I love children, but it is absolutely ok to have an adults only wedding. Lots of people do it. His sister does not get to decide for him. Why is it more important to worry about her feelings than how you might feel if the kids create problems? And they can create problems. I don’t see what the big deal is having a formal, kid free event for one day. Surely you can interact with and include these children in many other family gatherings.

Post # 39
Member
88 posts
Worker bee

Toddler meltdowns and tantrums are not great, especially when you’re parents have to deal with it.

If she’s really wanting them to come (they really wont remember or care), then how about a nanny that comes along? I don’t know how viable that is, but I have seen it happen and it means kids are looked after and parents are having fun.

Post # 40
Member
2340 posts
Buzzing bee

futuremrs816 :   Your wedding your rules.

My Brother-In-Law was told by my Mother-In-Law that he could bring his kid. I said hell no and told my husband to inform his family of this. THey weren’t happy. They pushed back. We held our ground. THe child was not at the wedding. 

I do not think children need to be at every event that an adult is at. Also, how unfair to your husbands parents that they will not be able to enjoy the wedding due to the kids. No, for everyone’s sake there will be no children. 

Post # 41
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee

I had a similar scenario. I have 13 cousins under the age of 21. We wanted to keep the wedding as budget-friendly and affordable as we could. So we were cutting guests that we weren’t really close to. My 13 younger cousins are great, but I only really see them at Christmas and thanksgiving each year and they don’t really talk that mugh (tweens and teenagers). So we made the decision to have no kids or people under the age of 21. Some of my family member got really annoyed (the aunts and uncles of those kids)–but at the same time, they aren’t the ones paying thousands of dollars for those kids and teens to run around and potentially illegally drink (which the teens definitely would try to). So we are using the excuse of “the venue is strict on underage drinking, so we don’t want to risk anything with liability.” Since they weren’t sold on us having a budget—they are the more “priveledged” side of the family who aren’t very considerate with those who need to save pennies. Overall—just say “F*ck it!” and do exactly what YOU want. They will all get over it! And if they keep asking why, just say “BECAUSE I SAID SO.” lol! 

Post # 42
Member
298 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

futuremrs816 :  Is it an option to hire a babysitter and bring a laptop to play Netflix Kids in the bridal suite?

Post # 43
Member
707 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2019

If the kids are in the wedding then they should be invited to the reception. Other then that I think you have to be ok with if you say no kids people may not come to your wedding. Since both the parents are in the wedding that leaves you in a tough spot. If they are ok with leaving there kids with someone and not everyone is get them a sitter. 

Post # 44
Member
1658 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Stay strong bee, do you have an update?

Post # 45
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2019

futuremrs816 :  If you don’t want kids at your wedding then dont have them. Its your wedding and it doesn’t really matter if someone thinks “family kids should be invited”. We’re not having kids at our wedding, no exceptions and nobody has tried to guilt us into a different decision.

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