(Closed) kids at wedding??? need your thoughts

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1774 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I think the best way to avoid issues is to draw clear lines for invitations across the board.  You can fairly easily make an exception for children in the bridal party, but otherwise, you’re likely to get some hurt feelings.

Post # 4
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

No it’s not ok under any circumstances because you will seriously offend people in the process by playing favorites. But that doesn’t stop some people from doing it anyway.

Post # 5
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Hello, it would be rude to do so. If you have children in your bridal party it should be expected to have children at the reception as well. however, if you are having an evening wedding, I imagine most guests wont bring their children along. I honestly don’t think you will have as many children as you think. But it is always a concern. Try to find a teenager or two to keep an eye on them at the reception.  Good luck.

Post # 6
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

This would most likely be easier with an across the board rule. For example, no kids except those in the wedding party. The long and short of it is this; you can do whatever you want as long as you’re willing to accept the consequences of the decision. My cousin wanted a child free reception, and half the family threatened to boycott. Seriously.

Post # 7
Member
5761 posts
Bee Keeper

Of course you can invite children in the family! There’s a world of difference in inviting children of your friends and your own family members. If anyone were to comment about it, you simply have to respond that you decided on family only,period. I seriously doubt if anyone would be offended or make a stink about it, but if they are, that’s their problem.

Post # 8
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

Personally I think there is a massive difference between your nieces who are travelling across the country, and your friends’ children, and you could probably get away with having your nieces invited, but no other children. We had a “no babies over 12 months” rule which we bent for DH’s cousin’s children (a 13 year old and a 2 year old who stayed for dinner and were then taken back to their hotel room by their dad). If anyone said anything to us we were prepared to say we’d made an exception because they were family (the truth was we were sick of fighting it, but anyway). No one said anything to us though. I think most people would understand the difference between nieces and friends’ children, as long as you drew the line there and didn’t add any other young invitees (except any in the bridal party).

Post # 9
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

hmmm – well were having loads of children at our wedding!! if it’s like your sisters kids can come  – but your brothers can’t than thats no on at all and quite rude – but if it’s like your sisters can come – but your second cousins can’t then thats OK I guess!

Post # 10
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I don’t think it’s terribly rude to invite kids in the family and not kids of friends, but some of your friends might think it’s rude, and I’m sure at least one person will ask  to bring her uninvited kids to the reception.  (I’m referring to local friends…if you have friends that are traveling to the wedding, odds are they are going to be traveling with their kids and may feel uncomfortable leaving them with a babysitter they don’t know in a hotel room).

 

We are dealing with it by having a kids’ area at the reception, with tables of games, a dvd player, coloring books, ect, and will have a couple of baby sitters there at the reception mannnig the kids tables (most of the kids at my wedding are close to the same age, so that makes this easier.  Obviously, that’s not the answer for everyone, but you might think about something similar…

Post # 11
Member
1698 posts
Bumble bee

As hostess, you are entitled to invite whomever you want to have as guests. However, if you don’t invite any children at all, then you can get away with saying “it’s an adult event” as an explanation to people as to why their children weren’t invited. If you invite some children and not others, the obvious message is that you didn’t invite their children because you didn’t want their children there. It happens to be the truth — but is it a truth you would be comfortable stating to their faces? Because whether you say it aloud or not, they WILL get that message.

If you are comfortable with it, that’s fine. But by the same logic, will you be comfortable hearing “well, we’d rather spend the time with our children than with you,” which may also be the truth. That doesn’t constitute a “boycott” necessarily unless it is actually intended to coerce you into changing your decision. It may simply be a matter of guests exercising their right to decline whatever invitations they want to decline.

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