(Closed) Kids at Weddings…to have or not to have?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should guests be allowed to bring kids to the ceremony and reception?

    Yes! Bring them to both!

    No, they'll be distracting and will disengage the parents.

    Bring them to the reception only.

    Just invite children of immediate family.

  • Post # 32
    Member
    1880 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I think the answer to this may really depend on how well-behaved the kids you’ve seen at weddings have been. I’ve never seen a disruptive kid at a wedding – they sit quietly during the ceremony, and during the reception they eat and dance. As a bride, I LOVED dancing in the middle of a circle of kids! One of my flowergirls lost her first tooth right as we were getting ready – we even have a picture of the moment it happened! I thought it was a good omen about new stages in life beginning. My ringbearer was the only person in the entire wedding more excited about the bride’s cake than the groom’s cake (mine was just a fancy looking cake, whereas the groom’s cake looked like a fairly realistic prime rib). My husband’s nieces and nephews were there as they became MY nieces and nephews.

    The only parents who left early were the ones with a newborn, the ones who had a sick kid, and the ones who left their kids at home!

    Since I had SO MANY kids though we had a sectioned-off area of the upstairs bar with activities and a montessori teacher to watch the kids. They could come and go as they pleased, but for a lot of the time they just sat and played.

    Post # 33
    Member
    748 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I have three kids that are between the ages of 6-10 that will be invited with their parents, and hopefully one will be the flower girl. Then there are three infants that will be there. Mostly they are children of very close family, and I want them all there, and I want it to be convenient, so if you want bring your kid… if you don’t and want to get a sitter, that’s fine too.

    I feel bad saying kids can’t come, because this is the day I am getting married, this is the day my Fiance and I become family, and hopefully we’ll have kids one day too since we both want them. It feels like the circle of life to me, to use the lovely Lion King phrase, and I love the idea of having multi-generations there.

    That being said, I totally understand the desire for adult only receptions.

     

    Post # 34
    Member
    7769 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    View original reply
    @Rachel631:  I agree.  I also have not encountered this sentiment IRL, only online!  (I have not been to weddings that exclude babies/ children/ kids.)

    Post # 35
    Member
    1192 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    We’re not inviting anybody under 18 to our wedding. We don’t have a flower girl or a ring bearer and I don’t see any reason to have children there. My parents were invited to plenty of adults-only events when I was growing up and it’s no different. Both of our sets of parents agreed about not inviting children, and there aren’t that many people on our list who have very young children, so I don’t forsee it being an issue.

    Post # 36
    Member
    40 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I don’t think children will be a problem or distraction, I just don’t want them there. The only kids that will be at my wedding are the ones who I choose to invite because of my personal relationship with them. I’ve worked with kids for a long time, so there are some older children I might want to invite. Any children of guests will need to stay with the sitter at the hotel. I have lots of toys and DVDs for them to borrow, so they’ll be fine. Also, our venue is five minutes from the hotel, so if mum or dad want to run over there in the middle of the festivities to check-up, that option is there. 

    It’s not too big of an issue, because hardly any of my friends have kids, and the ones that do appreciate time away from them. If anyone doesn’t want to come because they can’t bring their kids, I won’t hold that against them, but it means they won’t be having any funfetti wedding cake. Lol 🙂

    Post # 37
    Member
    2375 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I think that children at evening weddings is a horrible idea.  At least where I come from, wedding receptions can go till 2am easily.  Even ones that end early, like at midnight are far too late for children.  They’ll be overtired, overstimulated, with loud music blasting their ears, surrounded by people they barely know.  Why does anyone think a child would enjoy that?

    Post # 38
    Member
    10635 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I think weddings are family affairs, so we had them.  As a kid I loved weddings and was always disappointed when my parents got to go and I couldn’t.

    I can understand people who want an adults only wedding though.

    Post # 39
    Member
    688 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I had kids at both because all of my cousins have kids and I’m close to all of them. Even my bridesmaid, who had her boy in May of 2012 brought her newborn. Boyfriend quietly left the ceremony though as he began fussing.

    I had a black tie optional wedding, I would say it was fairly fancy, but kids came anyways. We had arranged seating for each guest, so on the charger plates of each of the younger kids I put some gifts for them to entertain themselves. Mostly coloring, some good crayons, blank paper, and their own folder with either princesses or Cars on it (boys and girls). They got the kids meal, and really there were no problems what so ever. Plus, since our wedding was at a hotel, lots of the parents were able to take their kids up to the rooms and either put them to bed or let them watch TV as they, the parents, returned to the party for a bit.

     

     

     

    Post # 40
    Member
    7976 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    View original reply
    @starfish0116:  Breastfeeding is a process which people choose to take part in because they think it is best for their child. Once you start, you can’t stop. You have a biological imperative to continue until the child is weaned or you switch to formula. You can’t just leave the child for two days or so to go traipsing up and down the country for a wedding.

    quote: “it’s not the couples fault or problem that you chose to breast feed”

    You seem to be implying (if you take your argument to it’s logical conclusion) that I shouldn’t breastfeed my child because I might be invited to a wedding at some stage… I take the other view. I take the view that your wedding is just one day. No matter how close I am to you, it is one day in your life. But choosing to breastfeed my child is a decision which can impact their health for years. Your (I use the term “your” in the plural sense here… I’m not targeting you personally!) wedding, to put it bluntly, is not as important as you tihnk it is to me.

    Equally, you could say that it’s not the couple’s fault that their guest chose to be a vegetarian, or to be a Muslim and eat halal food… however, I would be appalled at the host who did not cater for a guest’s dietary requirements. Why should this be any different? I have made a point of trying to be a gracious hostess and cater for my guests’ needs. This includes a variety of suitable food and drink, disabled access… and baby changing facilities, in my case.

    Post # 41
    Member
    2084 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    We are just having the four children who are actually in the bridal party. This way parents who are invited are free to dance and socialize as well as no unexpected noises during the ceremony!!!

    Post # 42
    Member
    507 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    We are having lots of kids at our wedding. I can’t imagine not having kids there. 

    Post # 43
    Member
    2224 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    We are having kids if my brother and SIL are able to come. They have young children and are coming from across the country, so theres no way we could ask them to leave the kids with strangers. If not though, we may ask parents try to find babysitters. But we wont be uptight about it, if they cant find babysitting then bring the kids along! 

    unlike my best friends wedding I’m going to this weekend. It came to my attention this week my babysitter cant babysit and I had to really scramble to find other care for my child, because while my friend wanted my DS to come, her fiance is adamantly against children. Sigh.

    Post # 44
    Member
    8435 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I think it depends on the type of wedding your having.  My wedding, although local for me, was a “destination” wedding for most of my guests.  We decided not to have children because it was a late night reception with an open bar (definitely not kid appropriate).  We ended up making exceptions for 2 small infants (both under 1 year) because we didn’t think it’d be fair to separate them from their mothers.  I wasn’t worried about babies crying at my ceremony or anything, so having them for both the ceremony and reception wasn’t an issue for me.  For the other guests with children, not having kids at my wedding gave them a fun weekend vacation away (Fri night wedding).  If I would’ve had a disneyland or garden wedding during the day (my original plan, but too expensive), I probably would’ve invited children.

    Post # 45
    Member
    354 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    This is a tough one! Some people love kids, others hate them and some aren’t partial either way. 

     

    Personally my fiance and I already have a child and love kids of course, so we invited everyone’s kids. Really the only thing I did differently that I wouldn’t have if we weren’t inviting kids, is purchased these cute little kid wedding activity sets. Other than that I haven’t had to set up any special accomodations or change our original wedding plan for the kids, but then again we are already having a pretty fun outdoor wedding, with kid friendly food and no alcohol. (We are having a morning wedding with a brunch buffet reception to follow. Who doesn’t love brunch?!)

     

    Now if you and your fiance don’t feel strongly either way, I would say here are a few of the things the two of you should consider:

     

    1. If you don’t invite children some people may not be able to attend. Consider your immediate family and your close friends. Do most of them have children or not? 

     

    2. Ceremony & reception timing. If you are going to have children a 7pm wedding probably won’t do. 

     

    3. Food. If you were planning on having a bunch of fancy gourmet eats then you may need to incorporate kid friendly foods.

     

    4. Alcohol. Based on the adults you intend to invite do you think you wedding will turn into a wild drunken party at the end of the night? Are you inviting a lot of young single people who will want to party it up? If so, children probably won’t mix well into that equation.

     

    Post # 46
    Member
    751 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @FutureMrsBPJ:  I’d say it depends on the type of wedding. If you plan on having somekind of child entertainment then yes. If you plan an evening ceremony, maybe in a more elegant location I’d say no kids. Let’s face it they probably couldn’t care less about your wedding and would just get intensely bored.

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