Post # 1
Let me preface this by saying I love my in-laws dearly, but man can they drive me nuts. Our 3yr old has a birthday coming up and we are trying to pick a date for his party. Well they informed me they only have one weekend in the entire month of May available, and it happends to be Mother’s Day weekened. And they would like the party to be then. My husband works Saturdays so it would work best for our party to be a Sunday. My brother and his children also specifically cannot do the 12, and I know our little guy would really want his cousins there. I would really rather not do it on Mother’s Day as I feel people usually make family plans that day. This is also my first Mother’s Day (we adopted our boys this year), and I really want his party day to be all about him. In-laws live about 5 hours away. What I think is a good solution is to invite them to come Mother’s Day weekend and we can celebrate his birthday with him then, but to do his actual party the following weekend. Husband doesn’t want to do this because it will exclude his folks. Feel like I can’t please everyone, and whatever date I pick will seem like I’m choosing one family over the other. I know this is minor and petty, but had to vent!
Post # 2
You can’t please everyone, and its a childrens birthday party so it makes sense to do it when other children can attend (your brothers children). I like your idea, host the party when in laws cant come, but invite them over for mothers day weekend. No matter what you do you will be excluding someone and its their fault for being so picky with dates.
Post # 3
What else are the ILs doing that they can’t move? I think its unreasonable for them to expect you to throw the party mothers day, literally everyone else will already have plans! I think your compromise is good.
I would approach your husband and tell him how important it is to spend your first mothers day with family and NOT at a party. And then throw the party on a separate day that is all about him. The In-Laws can pick any other weekend if they can move their plans, or your husband can pick the other weekend. But I think its your ILs that are being unreasonable here. There are 4 weekends, surely they can move something around to spare one of the other 3 sundays!
Post # 4
1. You are making a lot of assumptions about what kind of plans people have. So before you rule a day out, maybe check with people if they are available. Mother’s day is usually a brunch and relax kind of day for most people I know – you are sure they wouldn’t be available for a late afternoon or early evening party? Or willing to share their holiday for a couple hours?
2. Likewise, a party is a couple of hours max. Your husband literally works the entire Saturday? You can’t schedule the party for dinner time or whenever he is done with work?
3. You can’t pick a day that works for everyone. So prioritize the most important people. At three years old, this party is still way more about you and the important adults in his life (particularly if it is your first birthday with him) than the kid. In the long run of his life, this is likely not going to even be a party he has any memory of as most early memories end up fading by the time they are about 6 or 7. So yes, he will enjoy his cousins being there in the moment, but are they the priority at this age? Is there anything preventing you from getting together with his cousins outside the context of his birthday? Plan a fun day at the zoo on a more convenient day or a pool party – not everything has to be tied to his birthday. I also don’t think your plan is a horrible idea, but you and your husband probably need to be in agreement.
Post # 5
I’m not a mom.
But if I adopted a kid and this was my first Mother’s Day with them, I would ABSOLUTELY spend Mother’s Day with just my hubby and kids. No birthday party, no in-laws. I’d call my mother/MIL and send a gift, of course. Pick another weekend for the birthday party with your family and celebrate with the in-laws at some other time. I’m sorry this is a sticky situation.
Congrats on your adoption! I hope you have a fantastic Mother’s Day with your boys!