Kid\'s Birthday Drama

posted 2 years ago in Parenting
Post # 2
1552 posts
Bumble bee

You can’t please everyone, and its a childrens birthday party so it makes sense to do it when other children can attend (your brothers children). I like your idea, host the party when in laws cant come, but invite them over for mothers day weekend. No matter what you do you will be excluding someone and its their fault for being so picky with dates. 

Post # 3
7022 posts
Busy Beekeeper

What else are the ILs doing that they can’t move? I think its unreasonable for them to expect you to throw the party mothers day, literally everyone else will already have plans! I think your compromise is good. 

I would approach your husband and tell him how important it is to spend your first mothers day with family and NOT at a party. And then throw the party on a separate day that is all about him. The In-Laws can pick any other weekend if they can move their plans, or your husband can pick the other weekend. But I think its your ILs that are being unreasonable here. There are 4 weekends, surely they can move something around to spare one of the other 3 sundays!

Post # 4
4658 posts
Honey bee

1.  You are making a lot of assumptions about what kind of plans people have.  So before you rule a day out, maybe check with people if they are available.  Mother’s day is usually a brunch and relax kind of day for most people I know – you are sure they wouldn’t be available for a late afternoon or early evening party? Or willing to share their holiday for a couple hours?

2.  Likewise, a party is a couple of hours max.  Your husband literally works the entire Saturday?  You can’t schedule the party for dinner time or whenever he is done with work?  

3.  You can’t pick a day that works for everyone.  So prioritize the most important people.  At three years old, this party is still way more about you and the important adults in his life (particularly if it is your first birthday with him) than the kid.  In the long run of his life, this is likely not going to even be a party he has any memory of as most early memories end up fading by the time they are about 6 or 7.  So yes, he will enjoy his cousins being there in the moment, but are they the priority at this age?  Is there anything preventing you from getting together with his cousins outside the context of his birthday?  Plan a fun day at the zoo on a more convenient day or a pool party – not everything has to be tied to his birthday.  I also don’t think your plan is a horrible idea, but you and your husband probably need to be in agreement. 

Post # 5
2491 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m not a mom.

But if I adopted a kid and this was my first Mother’s Day with them, I would ABSOLUTELY spend Mother’s Day with just my hubby and kids. No birthday party, no in-laws. I’d call my mother/MIL and send a gift, of course. Pick another weekend for the birthday party with your family and celebrate with the in-laws at some other time. I’m sorry this is a sticky situation. 

Congrats on your adoption! I hope you have a fantastic Mother’s Day with your boys! 

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