(Closed) Kids – do I say Something (long, sorry for venting)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I explain why I'm not thrilled about kids at reception? Friend thinks it's about $, it isn't

    No - it's a sensitive topic so let them think it's due to the cost

    Yes - tell them that it's because you're sad that they'll have to leave early & you never see them

    Other - please explain

  • Post # 3
    48 posts
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I would mention to out of town friends that you were looking forward to some kid free fun pre and post wedding while they were in town. We are asking for no children to attend our wedding and this includes out of town guests so in my book your being very accomadating to these people and their children.

    Post # 4
    48 posts
    • Wedding: August 2014

    And before anyone lashes out, I do have a small child who will attend the wedding and only the first hour of the recption(when her grandma will take her home) we are asking for no kids because we want everyone to enjoy the day and not be chasing their kids around.

    Post # 5
    450 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013 - Garden

    I don’t have kids and we’re having a kid friendly wedding.

    I wouldn’t hold it against someone if they wanted to have a kid-free wedding unless I had to travel. If I was only going to be away for one night I might try to swing it, but if I were planning a mini break or a holiday I’d want my kids to come unless we were celebrating our anniversary or something similar.

    Fair enough asking someone not to bring them to your ceremony and reception but if somebody is travelling I don’t think it’s fair to tell them that they can’t spend the rest of the trip with their kids. I also think that if I wanted to catch up with my friends without my (non existant) kids I’d make it happen myself, I would really resent being told I have to seperate my family unit for a while just to cater to someone else.

    Post # 6
    3400 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    It’s your wedding. Point blank. If somebody can’t/won’t come because they can’t bring their children, then you have to be okay with that (since it will happen), but as long as you are okay with that (and probably being talked about behind your back for not being accomodating) then do what works for you.

    I think it was sort of rude on the guest’s part to bring up money/plate cost, since it’s pretty gutsy to assume you know somebody elses motives. I would just tell the friend that you are sorry, but the wedding is childfree & it is not about about the per plate cost.  

    Post # 7
    9162 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Think of it from their point of view. You are allowing some kids to come but not their kids. It is kind of like saying well your kids are the bad kids so they are not invited. It would be kind of hard to hear and a little insulting don’t you think?

    I think you need to draw a line- either no kids or all kids.

    Post # 8
    765 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    It’s YOUR wedding. You should do what YOU want. It’s sweet that you want to accomodate people with kids, but you’re not obligated to. But I agree with PPs–some people may not come if they can’t bring their kids. If you make it a kid-free wedding, you’ll have to accept that. 

    However, I’d caution against allowing some kids but not others. The people whose kids you exclude will feel jilted…it’s just not a good idea. We’re making a rule–newborns and kids under 2, since they may not be able to be left with a sitter–and kids in the bridal party (ring bearer, flower girl, a teenage usher and a teenage guestbook attendant). That’s it. 

    You might be surprised, though. Most of my friends with kids (even those who are traveling from a distance) were actually EXCITED at the idea of having a kid-free night or weekend of socializing with their adult friends. I didn’t even mention that it was a kid-free wedding yet. My friends don’t get a lot of adult nights out these days. Apparently as soon as they found out I was getting married, they decided grandma and grandpa would be watching the kids for the weekend. My matron of honor even seemed a little bummed when I asked if her daughter would be my flower girl. She was happy that I wanted to include her daughter, but she admitted that she had wanted a night of adult fun, too! 

    So…it really depends on your guests. However, it’s YOUR wedding. Do what makes you and your fiance happy. 

    Post # 9
    90 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    We are doing something similar…children of family members can come if the parents choose to do so. A large majority don’t even want to bring their kids, and that’s fine by me. For us it was a space issue. Our venue holds 195 and if everyone decided to bring their kids, we would have to cut a lot of our friends off the invite list. Plus I’m pretty sure my friends kids could care less about our wedding. Family is different though. They’ve been hearing about our wedding for a while now and are excited to go…and in my opinion it’s a family affair. My three kids will be there and they’re excited to have some cousins around

    Post # 11
    739 posts
    Busy bee

    I think you should tell them why, but also give them the choice.

    I would say something like this, but you should make it your own.

    Dear Friend,

    I love both you and your beautiful offspring dearly. I understand the want to travel to an exciting destination with the family, I also would like you to consider a parental responsibility free weekend. You are an amazing parent and completely understand the need to have the kids experience this with you. It will be a completely different experience for you to take a break and get to do adult things with not the needs of early dinners and bed times. I haven’t seen you, my friend, for a long time and would love every opportunity to catch up with you as the weekend unfolds.

    Love, canuckandakiwi

    Your other option is to rent a room and hire your own nanny for the ‘kids slumber party’. If the wedding is at a hotel even better it can be there and the parents can check in on them.

    Post # 13
    12244 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I think I would correct their ideas, but I would say something like “We’re not having kids because we want to have one big party like we used to! Before kids, all of us together, and this is probably the last time we can imagine it happening!”

    Post # 14
    471 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Honestly this whole thing would rub me the wrong way.  I get not wanting kids at the wedding, but trying to get people to leave them somewhere for the weekend so that they can go out and drink with you like you’re back in college is nuts.  A lot of your friends who are parents will probably want to leave to put their kids to bed and spend some quiet time with their spouses.  Telling them that having their kids travel with them ruins your drinking fun will offend.  They probably don’t see their kids as the burdens/buzzkills that you do.

    And honestly, if I were traveling for a wedding I would want to bring the kids so that the non wedding time could be a small family vacation.  

    Not allowing them at the ceremony won’t mean that they won’t be the responsibility of their parents the rest of the time.

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