(Closed) Kids on guest list questions

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
2705 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

We had the rule that kids who had to travel to the wedding were allowed, local kids (where getting a sitter is easier) didn’t come. No-one complained.

Post # 3
12108 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Children, like adults, do not have to be an all or nothing proposition. Rather, you can draw lines by relationship. So it’s perfectly fine to draw the line at children of siblings, or as you have done, children of cousins. Kids of a step-aunt’s sibling is not in the same category. 

Where they all live is irrelevant. 

Post # 4
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I don’t think it’s rude to not invite them. I would caution you against saying WHY other than ‘we aren’t able to accomodate everyone’. If you bring up budget, they may offer to pay for little Johnny, or if you bring up travel, they may bring up how they are still renting a hotel for the evening/isn’t fair, etc.

So if you want to do this (which is totally fine), if someone RSVPs with their kid or asks why their kid isn’t invited ‘Unfortunately we just aren’t able to accomodate everyone! We hope to see you and husband there though!’

Post # 5
2606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

I see no issue. We are only having the children of siblings. However, Fiance was asked by his cousin who is a groomsman, if his kids were invited. He has two kids, 3 and 5. They are coming to New Jersey from Colorado. I told them that we are not inviting kids, only our direct neices and nephews, but if they have an issue with travelling without their kids, to let us know and we will make an exception for him. So I totally understand your situation!

Post # 6
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Nobody should be asking you why their kids aren’t invited, period. That’s rude. I agree with scissorgirl on that response line “we couldn’t accomodate everyone”. And leave it at that. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. 


On a somewhat similar scale, my Fiance’s cousins are all 16+ years old, except for one (she’ll be 3 and is our flower girl). My side however has a huge age range, from 3-30. There’s 4 cousins on my dad’s side, and 20 on my mom’s. To invite all of them would be a huge addition to the total guest count, forcing us to cut basically all of our friends, or wait an extra year for the wedding while we save to include all of them. 
What we decided on is all of his cousins, and the ones on my dad’s side would be included. The others are not. I couldn’t find a reasonable age cut off (ie 16+, 18+ etc) where some sibling would’ve been left out and I thought it’d be more rude to invite 1 or 2 siblings rather than all 3, so we just said none of them will be invited. I haven’t been asked about it yet, but honestly it’s nobody’s business but you and your husband, so shame on them for being bold enough to call you out on it. 

Post # 7
4036 posts
Honey bee

My daughter’s wedding was a very clear-cut 21 and over. My family has been hosting adult only since I was a kid – the late 1960s.  The couples’ 1st cousins were either 22 and up or 18 and under; no families were split We didn’t make exceptions for the two that had to travel because my daughter had only met them a few times. That uncle/aunt travel by themselves – they had a nanny. They ended up boycotting and didn’t even have the courtesy to RSVP. We had a fabulous time without them.

We recently attended a weding an hour out of town and my daughter had to pay  $100 for babysitting one toddler. We got there and an uninvited pre-schooler was there. My daughter was not happy about it. Neither were the people trying to use the dance floor, because she and the ring bearer spent most their time running around on it and screaming – and falling and screaming some more. Considering the decibel level of the music, at most weddings we attend, I wouldn’t subject a little one to that, anyway.

Post # 9
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017


“I’m sorry Jane I think there was a misunderstanding. The invite is for you and Charles only. Unfortunately we won’t be able to accommodate little Johnny. If Charles can’t make it we look forward to you solo!”

really at this point they are the ones being rude (subbing invites) so I wouldn’t worry *as* much how it comes across.

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