(Closed) Kids or No Kids

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2007

hmmmm..   is everyone from in town or will you have lots of out of town people too?  seeing as the kids names were on the invite – most people are probably planning on them coming to the wedding/reception.  Is it in your budget to provide a ‘kids’ room with a couple adults to supervise at the reception?  That way the kids can come to the wedding – then the parents drop them off here before they head into the reception?  How many kids are we talking about?

That IS a sticky situation.  If you know the families and are comforatable talking with them – I would maybe call them to explain your reception desires.  Are these resonable people that will understand?  Or is your family prone to drama?  I’m sure if people will need to find babysitters that’d rather know that sooner rather than later!

 J

Post # 5
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

It’s actually easier to not invite kids to the whole thing – wedding and reception – than try to invite them to only the wedding (IMO).  Do you have enough time between your wedding and reception for people to drop their kids back off at home, get then settled with the sitter, and then get to the reception?  Depending on how close they live to your venue, this could be an hour…

Plus, if you already included kids’ names on the Save-The-Date Cards, as a guest I would assume my kids were invited to the whole thing.  That’s probably the stickiest part.  I would think that you need to include a completely separate reception card with your invitations, and perhaps (since people may already have the opposite impression) that while kids are wecome at the ceremony, the reception is adults only.  You should be prepared for people to be a little confused and upset – but it seems to me like a lot of people have adults only receptions (search on this site and you will find a lot of other posts) so you’re definately not alone.  We are invited only a small number of kids, not because we have anything against children in general or any specific kids, and not because our reception goes late, but just because we don’t want it to be a kids’ party

Post # 6
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I am in agreeance with you on no children at the reception. Unfortunately for me, my Fiance niece and nephew will be there and I am not happy about that. THey will be 5 and 6 then, and they don’t listen to anyone.

Maybe you could include a seperate RSVP card for reception only and on them only put the names of the adults. Or enlist your mom to help you get the word out. I have seen reception cards that say "adults only reception" and I didn’t find it offensive. I know that it is a big no-no to do that, and I respect people’s opinions on it, I just know that I don’t see a big deal with it. I think that if most people know that you only want adults at the reception, they probably won’t even bring the kids to the ceremony.

Good luck with the decision, let us know what you go with! I am very interested!

Post # 9
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

babysitters? I’m being lazy and didn’t read all the well thought out responses above- but I’m thinking splurge and hire a sitter or two to come to the reception. If you can’t back peddle out of the save the dates….

Or you can jsut talk up your wedding so much about what fun it will be and drinks and oh la la that all the parents will be positively dying to ditch the kids at home and whoop it up at your bash! 

Post # 10
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

You could fill in the number of guests yourself (i.e. 2) on your RSVP cards before sending them. 

Post # 11
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Yah I love the idea of having a sitter or two at the reception.  That way, the parents can check in on the kids from time to time…

Post # 12
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Are you actually planning on disinviting your flower girl and ring bearer from the reception?

Also, families with kids who are from out of town are problematic.  You may find that some people are disinclined to leave the kids for the whole weekend, depending on their age and who is available to look after them.  Also, you need to understand that people from out of town who travel with the kids may not be happy to leave them with a babysitter they don’t actually know.  In that case, they probably will just not attend, and as long as you’re okay with that, there’s no problem.

I actually wouldn’t be offended to see an invitation that said indicated adults only, although I think I would be a little put out that you first included the kids on STD (which isn’t really necessary) and now seem to have changed your mind.  Since some of the guests with kids are family, you might just talk with them and see how it goes before making a final decision.

Post # 13
Member
18 posts
Newbee

I agree with having a sitter.  Although, just a data point here – some parents are going to be completely against leaving their child with a sitter they have never met.  (I took an informal poll on that at the cousin’s wedding I went to last Sunday – so glad I did!)

If you think kids might be there anyway (or decide against the ‘adult only’ invitations, can you set up a kiddie action station at the venue, in another room?  Set up video games, coloring books, etc. so the kids have something to do other than run around the dancefloor.

Post # 14
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

If you use an online RSVP with your website, like weddingtracker.com you can set it up so that when they RSVP there is only a place for the invited adults to RSVP and no place for them to allow children.  Then you address the envelope to those invited only.  We are starting to get our RSVP’s and so far it has not been an issue.  There were a few 17 year old cousins I wanted to invite, so I just sent them their own invitation.

Post # 15
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

We’re not putting kids’ names on the invite. I think I addressed the Save-The-Date Cards to the "xxxx Family" but that was like 6 months ago. A lot of the people I’ve talked to with kids actually aren’t bringing them, so that makes things easier. Talk with your reception venue and see if they have a smaller room that you can use during the reception, arrange for babysitters, set up a VCR, some games, arrange for McDonald’s, etc. That way the parents can check on them but yet still have fun. And be firm. If you allow some kids there and not others, that’s trouble.

Post # 16
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

Out of curiosity, why did you write the kids names on the std’s?  I wouldn’t say that they are invited to the wedding but not the reception.  That might sound rude.  I had a no kids wedding.  Mainly because if we allowed everyone to bring theirs, there would be at least 30 kids there.  NO THANKS!!!  Though, we did have a 7-midnight reception, adn you know how kids get when its past their bedtime.  We did have 2 flowergirls (nieces), and my in-laws daughter – we decided that our nieces and nephews could come, mainly so they could be in the family photos.  One thing you can’t really do is say I want you kids to be in our wedding, but then you have to take them home.  You kind of have to have them at the reception.  A lot of the people were actually thankful to get a night away from their kids.  Some did say they couldn’t come because of it – they were unable to get a sitter within 6months?  sure.  and some asked about 20 times over the last year, whom I  eventually had to tell absolutely no way can they come, sorry if you can’t make it, but thats the way it is.  ANyway, on your invitations, just address them to Mr& Mrs and skip the "and family".  They should realize it then.  But be prepared to call people when they write the kids names on the reply.

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