Post # 1
I’m curious as to your opinions and experience with kids sharing rooms. While we are TTCing, I’m not pregnant yet, so this is just theoretical and I’m considering all options.
Now, my situation is a bit different than typical. I have a 7-year-old stepdaughter who is with us every other weekend and most of the summer. To make matters a bit more complicated, we live in Chicago (like, actually in the city). We are planning on moving to a new place in the fall anyway. Of course, we are ideally looking for a three bedroom place. Unfortunately, three bedroom apartments are VERY hard to come by in Chicago (and quite a bit more per month). So, I’m just thinking of options.
A few general questions (feel free to use or not use):
- Is there’s an age gap that is best for sharing rooms? (Or, what’s too much of an age gap.)
- What’s your experience in half-siblings sharing rooms (especially with a kid that is only there part-time)?
Just looking for some thoughts and ideas.
Post # 2
- Wedding: April 29th, 2016
Growing up, I shared a bedroom with my older sister (6 years older) until we moved into a larger house. We never had nurseries, my mom just kept our crib in her bedroom until we were big enough to sleep in a bed. When she married my stepdad and our stepsister moved in, she had her own bedroom while I shared with my big sister before we moved into the bigger house. I can’t see putting an infant and an older child in the same room, even if it’s just part-time. Good luck with TTC and finding a bigger place 🙂
Post # 3
I shared a room with my sister who was 2 years younger. I wouldn’t recommend too much of an age gap
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2020 - City, State
I’m also in Chicago, and I hear you on the rentals. Cost and availability have to be a factor here. I’d say you have it a bit easier since you have a stepdaughter rather than stepson, because (and I’m assuming here) most young ladies would be more thrilled to share a room with baby than a young boy would.
I’d say buy your stepdaughter a loft bed if you do a two-bedroom. This way, you won’t be sacrificing as much space.
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2018 - NC
I definitely would not put an infant who wakes up crying every few hours in a room with an older child. It seems unfair for the older child to have his/her sleep disrupted like that.
Later on, when both kids are older (toddler and up) I think it would be ok, if needed. But definitely keep the baby in your room at first.
Post # 6
piper628 : My brother and I shared a room for a while when we were kids. My parents gave us the master bedroom and they slept in the smaller bedroom. They kind of divided the room in half, making a barrier to split off our “sides.”
Post # 7
pearlrose : That’s an interesting idea!
achicago : Yeah, it’s not easy apartment hunting with my huge list of requirements! 🙂
Thanks for all your input. I would think initially the baby would be with me, so I’m more thinking about after that phase. But, I really appreciate your opinions! I guess most of you are aligned with my original idea. 🙂
Post # 8
By the time you have a 1 year old who needs their own room, your step-daughter would probably be closer to 9? Personally at 8 or 9 that would have made me really uncomfortable. I wonder if there’s a way you could furnish and decorate the room so that it feels like its for both of them, but on the weekends you have your step-daughter, I’d let her have it and bring your baby/toddler into your room. I don’t know how the baby would deal with that kind of transition on a regular basis, but it would be nice to give the older daughter privacy. I hear you on 3 bedrooms on a city, it’s tough! I hope you can find something that works!
ETA: I saw you said “most of the summer” too so perhaps it wouldn’t work, but just a thought!
Post # 9
Thanks for your thoughts, all! I wonder if rather than sharing rooms, we could get creative with a small space or den. Again, this is a bit down the road, but I’m always trying to see all my options.
Post # 10
Ideally I wouldn’t want my kids to share a room. Usually baby sleeps in the parents room for awhile (my son did until he was about 4 months) and then transition. You could probably keep the baby in your room for longer if needed.
I think the age gap makes it a little awkward. I wouldn’t want to make an 8-9 year old share a room with a 1 year old or less. Then you run into the issue if they’re opposite gender, I personally would just want to give them their own space for privacy. I think it’s important for kids to have their own defined spaces. Thats my personal opinion.
Post # 11
It would make more sense to me that the infant would stay in your room.
Post # 12
piper628 : We have a very similar situation in that I have a stepchild around the same age as yours and we just had a baby. We were in a 3 bedroom house, but knowing we wanted another kid and “losing” the guest room when we had a baby meant that a pair of siblings would definitely need to share a room if we had another.
So, we went back and forth on it because while one is only with us part time, we didn’t want them to feel like they were guests and that they had their own space. So for that and a few other reasons, we moved to a larger home with another bedroom.
However; had we stayed put, we would have had the oldest 2 share a room and the youngest have their own while they were still needing a lot of night attention and then reasses the situation in a few years and see if that still made sense. PLENTY of kids share rooms, and if it isn’t feasible to get a bigger place then I wouldn’t sweat it too much.
ETA: at my stepchilds mom’s house, they share a bedroom with their stepsilbings and so far, it has worked out pretty well. They’re close in age, but I think the set up is a loft style bed for each and their own space for each one.
Post # 13
I shared a room with my sister when she was a baby/toddler and we had a large age gap (8 years). But by the time I was older, I had my own space. That being said, I think there is something to be said for giving your step daughter her own space so she doesn’t feel like a visitor in your home. I’d try to find a way to make that work. Maybe a lofted living space? Also, depending on when you move and get pregnant it’s going to feel like step daughter is losing her room for the new baby and that’s going to cause some resentment. Can you move a bit outside the city to get what you need? It sounds like your needs are greater than what the budget allows for in the city.
Post # 14
My concern would be that the step daughter would feel like her room was “given” to the baby and like she had no space of her own. Having a blended family can be challenging enough, I would make every possible effort to make sure the step daughter has her own personal and welcoming space in the home.
Post # 15
People deal when they have to. Lots of people don’t even have the luxury of considering an extra bedroom. If the love and time for each child is there, I don’t believe you’re going to cause much harm. I’d plan on keeping baby in your room until it’s 1. At that point, can you give the older girl the element of choice? Like making her a living space somewhere that isn’t a traditional bedroom or helping her decorate her share of the kid’s room and getting her set up with a loft bed or something – maybe wrange some curtains so she has some privacy. If she is involved in the compromise, it may go down better. Yeah, it’s not ideal, but them’s the breaks. I remember having sleepovers at my friend’s house when we were in elementary school and she shared a room with her toddler brother. He was a little annoying sometimes, but we never questioned the arrangement – that’s just how it was.