Kids super near in age?

posted 2 years ago in Parenting
Post # 16
Member
569 posts
Busy bee

My nana had four kids in four years. Don’t recommend that! Poor thing had a nervous breakdown over it.

Post # 17
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

My sister and I are 19 months apart. Except for a brief period in middle school, I loved having a sibling so close in age and we’ve been best friends for most of her life. However, from the perspective of a mother I cannot imagine having kids so close in age. My pregnancy so far has been pretty terrible, and I don’t think I could have cared for a baby during most of it even before I was on bedrest. Spacing pregnancies shorter than 18 months from birth to conception is also a big risk factor for preterm birth and other complications, which is just not worth it for me considering I’m already predisposed to have those issues. I know a lot of people who get pregnant with a 6-9 month old baby though so I guess for some it must not be too bad.  

Post # 18
Member
6507 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I had three children in exactly four years (the oldest and the youngest share a birthday), and the younger two are 16 months apart. They are each two years apart in school. It has worked out beautifully for us, and the kids are very close. We chose to have them closer in age because I knew once we were out of diapers with one it would be so hard to go back again. So for us, once a stage was done, it was DONE. Once they were all out of diapers, we knew there would be no more; once they could put their own shoes on, we knew we wouldn’t have to go back. It has worked out very well for us.

My sister and I are almost 5 years apart, and my sister has always resented me. I figured that if my children were close enough in age that they didn’t really remember a time without a sibling, they would never feel animosity toward one another just for existing (sure, they argue over things sometimes, but that’s a different thing). It has worked for us, but then again there are siblings with years in between who are very close and those who are close in age but dislike one another, so maybe that is due to personalities and family dynamics and not age gaps.

Post # 19
Member
2402 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I’ve thought about this a lot too because my guy and I are older (35.5 and 45) and I’m just newly pregnant with our first. We would ideally like a pretty quick turnaround time between kids, as we want him to be around as long as possible for the kiddos….

Just FYI, a lot of medical organizations recommend waiting *at least* 12 months after giving birth to ttc again, and the world health organization recommends two whole years. This is both for mother and baby health….having too short a gap predisposes the fetus / baby to a bunch of health conditions. 

Oh and my sister and I are 22 months apart. It was great in many ways as kids, because we could play and keep each other occupied, as we were similar enough in development stage. But, we also would really easily devolve into fighting. We fought a LOT. As teenagers we weren’t really close at all – I think we were more competitive with each other since we were pretty close in age. It took until our mid-20s to get close (partly cause she can be a total nutcase! For real.) But now we’re really tight. 

Post # 20
Member
240 posts
Helper bee

My brother and I are two years apart. We were close as little kids and have remained close as adults. I enjoyed being in school with him, I’ve enjoyed being his friend as an adult. Like all families, we’ve had upds and downs and it’s been great having one another for support (without one of us having to parent the other). Bigger gaps are not insurmountable, but I feel like they can create more distance. 

That being said, I have boy cousins that are a year apart in age and not very close at all. They have wildly different personalities, but I also imagine that it was hard being that close in age when they were very small. 

I’m currently pregnant with my first and am four months. The plan is to space kids out by two years (of course, contingent on everything working out as expected). I have to say, the thought of having a one year old AND going through the first trimester makes me want to weep, but I think it’d be worth it in the end. I also don’t want to wait too long (fertility and all) and from a career perspective would like to get the baby/maternity leave/breast pumping out of the way. 

Post # 21
Member
1945 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

My sister and I are one year apart and we are very close. When it’s time for us to start a family we also want them to be close in age

Post # 22
Member
7042 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I always envisioned my kids being 2-3 years apart (my brother and I are 3.5 years apart)….but that was back when I assumed I’d be having kids in my mid 20’s. I’m having my first just a few months shy of 33, and knowing how long it took us to get this pregnancy to stick makes me think we’ll be trying for #2 around the 1 year mark. I know plenty of women have kids into their late 30’s or 40’s but I don’t want to be one of them.

My BFF’s kids are 18 months apart and she will be the first to admit that while it was hard for a couple of years it was a great thinga nd she doesn’t regret it at all. Her kids were basically going through the same stages at the same times. She got to ditch the stroller, diaper bag, etc all pretty much together.

Post # 23
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas

We’re TTC and I’m firmly in the one and done camp.

My brother and I were 18 months apart, with him being older. We fought like cats and dogs and to this day I have nothing to do with him. Being close in age didn’t help us bond at all. In fact, I felt like it made things worse  because his achievements were always celebrated first since he was the oldest, which just fueled the sibling rivalry.

My hubby is the middle child of his family, and there’s large gaps between them. His older brother is 7 years older than him, and they are super close. Like twins. He’s not super close with his little brother who is 5 years younger than him.

In my experience it’s not the age gap that matters between siblings. It’s their individual personalities, and how they are treated by their parents.

Post # 24
Member
2989 posts
Sugar bee

Darling Husband and I are starting to have this conversation. Our son is 3 weeks now, so we have some time. 

We’ll probably seriously consider getting pregnant after he’s a year. 

Post # 25
Member
9511 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’d have the one and see how you feel lol. It’s all well and good to want two close together, but just one kid is exhausting sometimes.

Other things to consider are daycare costs if you both work, sports, after care when they’re in school, helping with a car, college etc. all being very close together.

Post # 26
Member
818 posts
Busy bee

My husband and his sister are about 11 months apart and they weren’t  close and still aren’t. He’s the oldest and always did really well in school/sports and she was more average at those things. I think it really affected her self esteem and strained their relationship. He says it was weird she was his little sister but still old enough to be friends with his group of friends so when he didn’t include her as teenagers it further strained their relationship. Of course they could be years apart and still have the same out come but he really thinks being so close in age had a lot to do with it.

No kids yet but were starting to have this conversation. I always thought I wanted a 2-3 year gap between kids but there is appeal to just get the younger years done in close succession. 

Post # 27
Member
4060 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I know this will sound very “you’ll never understand until you’re a mom”, but i still find it to be true, so I’m going to say it: pregnancy and childbirth are hard on your body. If you decide to, breastfeeding can be too. It’s a lot of stress and change to put your body through when you have two close together, particularly if you end up with complications.

I will say everyone i know who had two very close struggled a lot with complications after the second. It did seem that much harder for the two i know who had c-sections.

Post # 28
Member
9225 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Agree with PPs on the approach of have one first and then play things by ear.

If you asked me before February rolled around how I’d feel about being pregnant again soon, I woulda said, “No problemo!” But now at 35 weeks, the discomfort is no joke and I can’t imagine going through this again anytime soon (esp with baby #1 on my hands). Plus I want to breastfeed as long as possible. That all being said, if we do try for baby #2, I would prefer a small age gap, so idk how that’ll all work out. We’ll just see how things go once baby #1 is here…

Post # 29
Member
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My two boys are 23months apart and it’s working out great so far! Younger one is 4months right now. I wanted an approximately 2 year age gap because I wanted them to be far enough apart from each other for me to get a bit of time with baby Nr1 before baby Nr2 came along, but also for them to be able to play together and to be developmentally in the same phase to make family activities and vacations easy. Also I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom but want to go back to work when baby Nr2 is about 3 years old (am prepared for the big pay-cut and starting at the bottom of the career ladder) , so I didn’t want to be out of work for longer than 5 years total, because it’ll be hard enough to get back as it is. I think everyone’s experience is different and you have to do what’s right for you as a family 🙂 You’ll know what that is when the time comes.

Post # 30
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee

I have two older brothers, both with a substantial age gaps between us. I also have a sister who is 18 months younger than me. 

While I have great relationships with all of my siblings, I have always been closest with my sister. I loved having someone who was going through similar stages as me, and always having someone to play with and talk to. We have such different personalities that there was never really a lot of competition between us. 

We did used to bicker a lot though, until we were older teenagers. Despite that, we have always been eachother’s greatest allies. Having a sibling so close in age allowed me to learn about compassion, teamwork and forgiveness in a different way, and from a much earlier age than I might have otherwise.

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