(Closed) kids vs. no kids at your wedding

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Will you/did you invited children to your wedding?

    No!

    Yes, of course!

    Other (I'll explain below)

  • Post # 47
    Member
    1295 posts
    Bumble bee

    To me it seems incredibly rude, but I understand what you’re saying. Just think about everyone who would need to get babysitters – possibly for overnight if they are from out of town. Kids will be kids, theres not much you can do about it.

    Post # 48
    Member
    2767 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    yeah we did.  I didn’t want to, but my husband said kids have to be invited to all weddings in his family or none of his cousins and brothers and sisters (all of whom have families with kids) would attend.  We got in many fights about it but he won in the end.

    The kids were invited and for the most part they behaved themselves.  Some were a hit on the dance floors and actually made many people happy.  One of them stuck their whole hand in the cake though before the reception even started.  Luckily the caterer fixed the cake to the best of his ability before I saw what happened.  I still noticed the smudged cake when we cut it though.

    I also didn’t like how I had to pay for kids meals for 1 year old babies.  I couldn’t believe people wrote their babies names down for meals.  I always thought 1 year olds could eat off their parent’s plates but I guess not.

    Post # 49
    Member
    39 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    My Fiance and I both have nephews that we would like to have and those are the only kids we will invite. Our siblings are in the wedding party and we wanted to make it easy for them to come. Some poeple have told me that they wont be able to come if we don’t invite their kids, but we’re having a small wedding and feel okay with that.

    Post # 50
    Member
    93 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I picked other. In short, yes we are inviting children…however there are less than 5 because we are having a destination wedding (small guest list) and most of our friends and family do not have children yet. It will be my niece, my DF’s nephew, and the daughter of a close family friend (who I used to babysit for).

    Post # 51
    Member
    21 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    No kids at my wedding for the following reasons:

    This is what I have witnessed at weddings that I have attended

    a little kid counting to 5 over and over so loud that he drowned out the minister and no one shut him up. Im sure that is all you hear in their video too.

    hot wheels zooming around the floor during the father daughter dance (and the boys then sliding across to chase them)

    A boy with a police whistle (no joke…people need to pat their kids down)

    Boys playing king of the mountain on top of the presents (I was the meannie on that one that told them they needed to go find their parents and chill out)

    I have great kids in my family who would be perfect angels, if for no other reason, we are a scary woman dominated family and they know when its time to sit down shut up and look cute. I have seen horrible behavior from other children (and the parents who aren’t handling it) and with the money and time spent, its not worth the gamble

    Post # 52
    Member
    90 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I’m surprised how many women voted “no” in the poll. I think it’s rude and uptight to not invite children, I wouldn’t attend a wedding that mine weren’t invited to.

    Post # 53
    Member
    1371 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    We got strong armed into inviting select kids to our wedding and I still feel kind of bitter about it.  My husband’s half sister was our flower girl (she’s 8), and the original plan was that she would be the only child at the wedding, except my husband’s step-sister who is 15.  Unfortunately we were pressured into inviting some badly behaved cousins of my husband.  They are not regulated by their parents.  Luckily they were not too bad at the wedding, but still did several frustrating things.  *Sigh*  Oh and one woman who was nursing a very young baby brought it along, but it was well behaved and we obviously understood why she brought it.

    I think the most annoying part is that when the aunt whose children were invited had HER wedding, my husband and his brother (who were older than these cousins) were not invited.

    Post # 54
    Member
    7769 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I cannot imagine a wedding without children.  (This is the midwest)  I have never been to a wedding without them.  At my own wedding, there were only 4 guests, and one was a baby!

    Post # 55
    Member
    108 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    We are having a Saturday evening wedding.  No children invited with the exception of my neice who is my flower girl.

    Early on in the planning my FI’s step-cousin sent me a facebook message congratulating us on the engagement and asking me what her 4 year old should wear to the wedding.  I told her sorry, its an adults only reception.  She just said ok and I never heard anything more. 

    I am putting only the names of the adult guests I am inviting on the invitations so hopefully they won’t bring their children with them since its assigned dinner seating.

     

    Post # 56
    Member
    1692 posts
    Bumble bee

    Our family weddings always include children. It isn’t regional: the branches of the family in the maritimes, in Upper Canada, in the prairies, and in the interior all include children. We don’t treat weddings as being “all about the bride and groom”. Weddings are about family: creating new family ties and strengthening old ties, making sure that the extended family practices gathering and supporting one another, so that they will know this new couple and be there for them if they ever need the family’s support.

    They’re about the magical moment twenty years down the road, when a new bride kisses old Uncle John and tells him “do you know, yours was the very first wedding I remember, and I hope my marriage may be as long and happy as yours”.They’re about grand aunties saying “Look at you! I remember when you were no bigger than little Suzy over there!”

    Of course, I have attended weddings with no children present: there are nephews as well as nieces in the family, and it does tend to be the bride who sets the tone for the wedding. So some of our boys — not many — have married families with different ways of living out their family values. That’s fine: have an adult affair if you choose. That’s not rude; it’s just different.

    But if your reason for having a no-children wedding is that, even though all the children on your side of the family are little angels, you are assuming that the children on my side are hellions, then that is an opinion you’d do well to hold very, very quietly. I would have no qualms whatsoever, about hosting a children’s party during the wedding timeframe to “help out witg babysitting” for the young parents of those alleged hellions on my side of the family. And I would make sure to find a venue and entertainment convenient and appealing enough to the other senior members of the family that grandparents and other relatives would still have the opportunity to visit with the adorable family children — even if it did “steal the bride’s thunder”. I’m no mother-bear, but I’m a grand-aunty bear and my family cubs come very high on my list of priorities!

    Post # 57
    Member
    108 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    A distant family member at my sister’s wedding brought their 10 year old with them to her adults only wedding.  They were distant family members of her fiance/husband so we had no idea who they were.  Because it was a sit down dinner with assigned seating she did not have a seat and that created problems.  During the bouquet toss she also jumped in with the single girls and stole the bouquet.  Needless to say the guy who caught the garter did not put it on the girl who caught the bouquet.

     

    Post # 58
    Member
    21 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I love children, I expect about 30 or so… and I have 2 flower girls… fun! children are so much more fun then adults! Im playing crazy frog and Gummie bear for my wedding music too

    Post # 59
    Member
    10 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Personally, I feel that although it is a celebration involving family, a wedding reception is no place for children.  The parents of the children in attendance can’t relax, have a drink or two, or enjoy themselves because they have to listen to their children whine about how boring it is, how they don’t like the food, when will it be over, and chase their children about so that they behave.  Then, the parents usually have to leave early on top of it all.  Sorry, there’s plenty of time to book a babysitter.  (And I have a child so I’m not being mean or heartless at all.)

    Post # 60
    Member
    91 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Not at all. We don’t have any children, aren’t close to any children, and we aren’t friends with our friend’s children. No need for them to be invited.

    Post # 61
    Member
    151 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    We are only inviting kids that are in the family. I have met most of my cousins’ kids, and most of them are well behaved and I know I can trust their parents to keep them in line. If we really had the option to, I would have an adults only reception, because kids can get messy and don’t really enjoy a reception as much as adults do.

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