(Closed) Kids wedding vs non kids wedding

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: Brides with kids..kid wedding or no kids wedding?
    Yes invite the kids to hang out with my kid(s) : (2 votes)
    14 %
    No kids it's more complicated : (10 votes)
    71 %
    Yes with a hired babysitter/activities : (2 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 2
    1619 posts
    Bumble bee

    Kids aren’t all or nothing, so if you want to invite some (without splitting up families) you are free to do so.  So say your son gets along with his cousins, invite your siblings with their children.  But that doesn’t mean that you must also invite your friends kids.  Know what I mean?  I would stick to inviting in circles though so say your brother isn’t wondering why your sister’s kids are invited and not his.

    When inviting kids you cannot split up families.  This means if a couple has three kids and their ages are 3, 6 and 10 you need to invite all of the children.  If you do not want to pay for their two older kids then none of the kids should be invited.

    Onsite babysitters are not necessary.  If the parents wanted to leave their kids with a babysitter they would.  Also I don’t know many parents who are okay just dropping their kid off with a stranger.

    As for who watches your own child, well that should be discussed between you and the Father.

    Post # 3
    369 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    MrsD2016:  It really depends on what you can afford.

    If you can’t afford to pay for kids over age 4, then IMO you should just say “no kids” period.

    I agree with you it would be a little weird to put your guests in the position of being able to only bring kids under age 4 and then make their own babysitting arrangements for kids over age 4.

    It’s totally OK to have your own child there without inviting other guests’ children.

    Having said that, do you really want a bunch of kids running around at your wedding? I know some people feel strongly that weddings are for all ages, but particularly with the toddler age group, you run the risk of tantrums and screaming during the ceremony. 

    I went to a wedding where a child started screaming just as the bride and groom were exchanging vows. After several minutes someone (finally!) dragged the kid out (screaming and kicking I might add). But, the couple can never get that moment back. Personally, I would not risk it. 

    Post # 4
    2655 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    View original reply
    MrsD2016:  Yeah you cannot split up families… super rude. I would just say no kids in your case, since you dont want to pay for the other ones.

    I would either have no kids at all or invite all the kids. Dont even worry about an onsite babysitter, people can arrange their own childcare ( i wouldnt leave my dog with a stranger much less a human child lol)


    Post # 5
    1463 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    The women on this site are much more in favor of child-free weddings than anyone I have known in my “real life.”  I’ve only ever been to 1 child free wedding — the vast majority of my familly and friends included kids.  The 1 child free wedding I went to did have kids (nephews) in their wedding party, and so those boys were also at the reception, but they were not very young — I think they were 10 and 12.

    Personally, I like kids at weddings.  They make me laugh on the dance floor, and I’ve never been to a wedding where a kid behaved particualry badly — or at least behaved badly without being corrected by their parents.  There are women on this board with stories of kids “ruining” weddings — I’m not clear on if I think the Bees who are anti-kids at weddings are over-reacting, or if the kids were as bad as they say.  Maybe my family and friends’ kids are just well behaved (or well-parented).  I don’t know.

    There are also lots of women here who repeatedly say that kids don’t like weddings, or that they get bored.  This has not been my experience.  I always liked going to weddings as a kid.  I liked dancing with my parents and sisters and cousins.  I liked seeing extended family that I didn’t see very often.  I liked dressing up “like a grown up” and getting treated like one too.  My daughter did too.  Again, maybe we’re just different than other people, but I’m skeptical.

    Having said that, I DO understand not wanting to pay full price for a kid’s meal, and I do understand that when all (or most) of your friends and family have kids that they can prohibitively add to the cost.  Thus, I don’t think kids are an all or nothing thing.  I do think it is totally okay to invite immediate family only kids, and not others, for example.  

    But I don’t think you can invite one kid a family and at the same time not invite the other kids fromm the same family.  The uninvited kid will not understand why he or she was excluded.  And I don’t think it will sit well with the parents either.

    I think the on-site babysitter is a great idea!  My step-sister had one at her wedding (which I didn’t attend), but I know other family members appreciated having that resource for when their kids got tired.

    Post # 6
    3791 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    View original reply
    MrsD2016:  We only invited kids that we were related to, which were our nephews and cousins kids. The age ranged from 2 to 20.

    For our nephews, my SIL had a babysitter come and watch her kids so she could enjoy the evening. We knew this was happening, and included the babysitter in on our guest count. The same for my Brother-In-Law, they had his wife’s parents come to watch their kids, and we included them in our guest count.

    We maybe had 11 “kids” total, and some shared meals so it was less than that when the count was done. These “kids” ordered the children’s meal we provided. I’m sure that anyone older than 12 ordered the same meal the adults did, except for my cousins wife’s kid who ordered the chicken strips (he’s super picky).

    Post # 7
    8425 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I would either do no kids, or allow all the kids. You absolutely cannot invite children only under the age of 4 and break up families. No no no.

    Post # 8
    559 posts
    Busy bee

    All or nothing when it comes to kids. You can restrict how many by saying immediate family or relatives like some other bees mentioned but no to splitting up families.

    I felt the same way with my husband’s nieces (now mine too!) and we did a kids wedding because I didn’t want them to be bored. I hated going to family events and me and my sister being the only children. We ended up with 20 children and didn’t hire a babysitter because I thought it should be the parents’ choice as to whether they want to bring their kids or not and they’d know bringing them would require looking after them. We had one family member with 3 kids only bring the oldest because they didn’t want to worry about their younger children for the entire evening. You will probably want a babysitter for your child though for the entire day (I just had friends who over looked this at their wedding and it was a problem as they wanted to do their wedding thing and family members were busy so they were trying to coordinate handing their baby off to people). 

    Post # 9
    2865 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    View original reply
    MrsD2016:  I either say some kids or all kids. You cannot separate families.

    I vote for hiring a babysitter. It was the best money we spent. We invited 40 kids under 12. 24 came. They really struggle to sit still during dinner and speeches, especially after a boring ceremony. Having them downstairs during dinner and free to come up during dancing made the night

    Post # 10
    333 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I would go with all kids or no kids, just to save drama.

    Also, I love kids at weddings. We had kids at our wedding, from toddlers to teenagers, and they were all great. I don’t understand why some people say weddings aren’t appropriate for kids – weddings are about family, and families generally involve kids. None of the kids at our wedding caused any problems, and they all had a great time. It really depends on parenting, too. The kids in mine and DH’s families are generally very well behaved, but I know that’s not the case for many other families. I feel like a lot of people who want kid-free weddings are just related to a bunch of brats.

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