Kids — What made you want them? Or why you decided not to?

posted 1 month ago in Babies
Post # 2
6552 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

When I was a kid, I associated being a grandmother with the disabilities my grandmother faced (rheumatoid arthritis), I promised my mum I’d never make her a grandma. 

But I later came to understand that it wasn’t grandmother status that created the disability, of course. I still wasn’t sure about children until I met my Dh, and I knew they were part of the package with him. 

I have to be honest and say I didn’t love the infant stage, but I have loved them more and more the older they get. They’re genuinely good and interesting people,and I have no regrets. 

Post # 3
490 posts
Helper bee

I’ll play, haha 😆. I was never a kids person. Never liked them and hated babysitting as a teen. I never thought of myself as that person. You know, the responsible mom that has it together and is prepared. Even as a kid, I never liked babies or dolls. I knew then that I probably wouldn’t have any kids. Well, I met my Hubs and it was a package deal. He wanted two kids and marriage. With him, the narrow view of myself and life changed. I became excited about the possibility of having a family with him. And, I’m now the mom to an almost one year. I’m obsessed with my baby and I never knew joy and love until I experienced with her. I cried the moment I heard her cry and still cry at the thought of her hurt/sad/hungry/pain. It changed my life completely but for the best! I couldn’t imagine my life without her and she “fits” so well, I don’t want to think of my life without her. Having her makes me ache for another. It’s the best feeling. I’m always exhausted but I get so much joy and love caring for her and making sure she thrives. She is my greatest joy. I never thought I’d be this way, but here I am, obsessed with my baby and her happiness. Also, I think being a parent is glorified. It’s nothing like how I imagined, it’s not an intsa photo.. it’s real life. It’s messy, exhausting, pulls me, but it’s so worth it. I feel beyond blessed for my baby and husband. She is the greatest gift I have ever received from him. Sorry, I’m so soppy now. 

Post # 4
272 posts
Helper bee

Don’t have any kids yet but I’ve just always known that I want children, preferably more than 2. I don’t know what it will actually be like as a mother and plans on how many could change but having children is part of the package with me and I suppose my fiancé too. 

Post # 5
40 posts
  • smashleykat you give me hope! I was exactly like you (absolutely no interest in kids) but my fiance LOVES kids. I am slooowly getting more comfortable with the idea and secretly I think I will love kids once I have them but there is a part of me that just doesn’t know!
Post # 6
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’ve just never wanted kids.  I’m mid 40s now and that’s never changed.   I completely lack whatever biological urge others have that make them want kids.  Which is fine by me.  I see my family/friends lives with kids, and while i know that they’re happy, it’s just not the life for me. My life with my husband and our pets, and our various family scattered about, feels complete to me.  I’m also really involved in community and run/am active in, various groups in our town. For example,  i support/promote local art events in town.  We have a growing art community and it feels rewarding to me to help be a part of its growth.  I get really excited and passionate about that kind of stuff.  I think that if i had kids then i wouldn’t have had time to devote to the things that really matter to me.  

Post # 8
1618 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

I just always pictured myself with a family. 

Post # 9
123 posts
Blushing bee

10 years of working with kids made me feel certain that whatever positives children can bring are not worth the tradeoffs: less time, less money, less quality time with your spouse. I also know all-to-well that parenting is full of surprises and not always funny, innocuous ones. In my own family, I grew up with a cousin who was simply dealt a bad hand in life. He had leukemia as a toddler, recovered only to have an inoperable tumor around his spine that made it hard for him to walk. He also had bladder cancer and wore diapers until his teen years when he finally got a colostomy bag. He experienced chronic pain which the doctors treated using opioids. Now, in addition to the neverending string of health problems, this cousin also battles with opioid addiction and turned to heroin after his doctors cut down on his medications. It’s been heartbreaking to see, but what’s even harder is knowing his parents could never have expected this. No one imagines their child will suffer from major illnesses or addiction. Obviously not ever child or parents will go through what my family did, but I’m not naive enough to think it *can’t * happen to me. It can happen to anyone, and it wasn’t a risk I was willing to take especially since, even with a healthy child, the other lifestyle tradeoffs didn’t seem worth it.

Fortunately I was able to get sterilized and married a man who had done the same, so we are 100% in agreement that kids are not for us. And I love everything about our lives. Right now I care for three children as a nanny, and I love going back to my home which is quiet, always clean, and calm. I sleep 9 uninterrupted hours each night and use my free time however I want. We both have expensive hobbies (that are time consuming and not easy to do with kids around), and we love foods that wouldn’t be easy to have if we had to cater to pickier palates. I know our lifestyle is not right for everyone, but it feels awesome to us. 

Post # 10
9799 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

No kids yet but we are planning on TTC this summer. I’ve always pictured myself having a kid (not sure if we want more than one) and so has my husband. We’ve been together since we were 18 but have always wanted to have a kid in the future. We will both be 30 when we start trying and finally actually feel ready.

Post # 11
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I have never wanted one. I know when I was a teenager and even into young adulthood I understood it as something you’re “supposed to do” but I just never wanted one. The responsibility, the social aspect, can’t keep the kid inside, need to bring all kinds of places, need to help with homework, need to keep track of them all the time. I need too much time to myself. My husband is not a problem. But a kid that will forever rely on me and call me and may need my help beyond the age of 18- even that is too long for me. Maybe I’m selfish with my time? It doesn’t matter though because that will never change, so best to not bring a child into the world. I’m not a mom. I don’t want the job. 

Post # 12
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2020 - Concord, Ontario

I have always pictured myself with children. I absolutely love them coming from a big family I tend to baby sit nieces and nephews. Can’t wait until we have our own.

Post # 13
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2020

I’ve just never had any interest in having kids.  Even when I was a kid, I never imagined I would be a mom someday.  By the time I was a teenager and actually thought about it, I knew it wasn’t for me.  I’m in my mid 30’s now with zero regrets.  I love my life as it is with just my boyfriend and me.  When my sister had kids, it just reinforced that motherhood is not for me.  I love her kids, but her life looks like a nightmare to me.  She loves it, though, and was born to be a mom.  

Post # 14
1386 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

I’ve always wanted to be a mom, and have always wanted kids (preferably 3+). I’ve worked in daycares and babysat a lot, and still enjoy kids, despite the crying, tantrums, and messes. even when I started dating my now husband at 17, I told him I was serious about having a family someday, and he felt the same way.

We’re still no where near ready and have no plans for TTC in the next 5 years, mostly because we wanted to stabilize our lives and do a bunch of travelling before making such a commitment. One day we still start trying, after a decade of enjoying it being just us, but for now I’m living my best child free life.

Post # 15
608 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I don’t especially LOVE all kids (I find a ton of them annoying, actually), but I’ve just always known that I want them, and that for me and the life I envision, not having kids would feel like something is missing. That’s part of why CFBC folks have never seemed strange to me…it’s easy for me to imagine the flip side, just knowing deep-down that you don’t want them and that the more traditional life could make someone feel like something is missing. 

We don’t have them yet, but time isn’t necessarily on our side if we want more than one with a decent size gap, so we plan to start seriously talking about it once I finish up a big work thing next spring. I always say that I’d love to have like 4 if we won the lottery, but we’ll see. I know we’ll have at least two (for our family dynamic, I think it’d be unfair to a kid to make them an only), maybe three.

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