(Closed) Kids With No Vaccines

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I’d speak to your fiance first. See what he says, because this is 50% his problem too.

(PP is also right… vaccinations don’t guarantee immunity. They just reduce the period of time for which you are contagious, and give your immune system a heads up on fighting the illness, so you usually don’t get as sick as you otherwise would be. I’ve caught several tropical illnesses despite being vaccinated against them. The difference is that, if I hadn’t been vaccinated against them, I probably would have died. The vaccinations meant that I didn’t die… I just got very ill, instead, but I survived.)

Post # 17
Member
927 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
robsbeach:  I think those are OPs niece/nephew, not the kids in question but rather the reason OP can’t do a blanket ‘no kids’

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BarbW:  If she thinks vaccines cause autism then there’s no reasoning with her. You just need to tell her the kids aren’t invited, or take the risk. You need to bring this up with Fiance now. 

Post # 18
Member
6825 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I would either have your fiance tell her or tell her yourself that you cannot have unvaccinated children around the elderly people in attendance. End of story. You can tell her she is welcome to come if she has a sitter, but that you simply cannot risk having the children there. I am so tired of science deniers being tiptoed around like their beliefs are as valid as the studies-based information available. They need to know that there are consequences to their decisions, and not having them around  the immunocompromised is one of those consequences. There are a lot of things you think you cannot do until it comes down to the safety of people you love, and someone getting angry at you pales in comparison, TBH. 

Post # 19
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

I’m firmly in the camp of asking her not to bring them if there are elderly and immunocompromised people there.  The vaccination/autism link has been debunked SO many times but I doubt you’d have any luck arguing that with her.  I’d be putting my foot down and saying if they aren’t vaccinated, they’re not welcome.

Post # 20
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee

This is the problem with not vaccinating children. Vaccines work because of ‘herd protection’. Those who can’t be vaccinated for legitimate reasons are largely protected because most people are vaccinated. (Assuming it’s just a nut job conspiracy objection for these kids rather than a real medical issue- sorry OP if its a real reason)

So sorry you’re having to deal with this. I’d speak to Fiance and say that it may be that health of other guests who can’t avoid their situation has to come first. I wouldn’t let the kids anywhere near vulnerable guests even if it means no-vaccine kids missing it. Not sure how you deal with the fall out though. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by  DaisyBlossom.
Post # 21
Member
1635 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

View original reply
flossy.lou:  Thank you. I did, indeed, read it incorrectly!

 

Post # 22
Member
3902 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Just tell her that. If she chooses to not vaccinate her kids she has to be okay with not everyone being okay with that!

Post # 23
Member
27 posts
Newbee

It is her choice to not vaccinate her children and it is your choice to not allow them to compromise your other guest. I would politely explain that you have other guest that could be compromised by her children and let her know they are not invited. I wouldn’t try to change her mind about vaccinating them, she seems to already have her mind made up.

Post # 24
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I think you will get alot of support for this subject, there is not rational reason to not vaccinate your children. If they are your fiancee’s grandchildren, he needs to be involved in the conversation, have you spoken to him about it?  If she has chosen not to vaccinate her children, then she has chosen to exclude them from these kind of activities. It is not ok to endanger the health and welfare of the eldgerly and sick. Only anti-vac nutcases will think you are being unfair by asking the parents not to bring the children to the wedding. 

Post # 25
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

No sympathy should be shown to the mother of the unvaccinated children. If she won’t vaccinate her children then they can’t come. I’m not sure how to handle the conversation, but that should be the outcome.

Post # 26
Member
214 posts
Helper bee

I think you need to tell your FI’s daughter she cannot bring her kids to the wedding or have your Fiance tell her that. You need to be on the same page, i agree with the bee that said that. Do not risk the health and lives of people at your wedding just to please your FI’s daughter. She made her bed and now she has to sleep in it, her decisions have consequences and one of those is that she cannot bring her kids to your wedding (if thats what you want/i suggest you do). good luck!

Post # 27
Member
400 posts
Helper bee

You need to have the conversation of “Unfortunately, due to the health state of some of our guests we can not allow guests who have not been vaccinated. We understand if this means you will not be able to attend and you will be missed.”

I’d prepare for some backlash, as well as being prepared to graciously accept her refusal to attend. It’s very likely she will take this not just as a concern over an elderly person’s health, but an assault on her right to parent and a criticism of her choices. It is best to remember that invites are not summons, and she might not wish to attend without her kids.

Good luck to you be. This sucks. 

Post # 28
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Also, an “olive branch” might be to see them after the wedding. Make it clear it’s not about them, but about the risk they pose to other guests.

Post # 29
Member
860 posts
Busy bee

If there is a child with a compromised immune system I would let the parent know that they will have to find a sitter or make childcare arrangements. They have a right not to vacinate – not a right to murder other children via their stupidity. 

Post # 30
Member
2804 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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happygirl2016:  This is a hot topic issue right now. While yes, children are required to be vaccinated for school and provide proof of immunization, there is also an option that allows parents to opt out of vaccinations for personal beliefs or medical reasons. OP’s FDIL believing that vaccines cause autism (based on a study by a doctor who ADMITTED to making the whole thing up), is an example of opting out for personal belief. I know there is one state (I believe California, but not positive) that has done away with allowing this. Where I live, the city school district no longer will admit children who are not vaccinated unless it is a medical reason. Parents opting out for personal beliefs must now either homeschool their children or move and enroll them in a suburban district that still allows it. 

 

 

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