(Closed) Kids/No Kids- soooo need to vent!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

@SarahConnors:  I’m so sorry that you’re having all this grief from your fiance’s aunt.  With the many other children, I totally agree that it absolutely would NOT be fair to allow one child who’s not in the wedding party to attend the wedding.  In fact, I’m wondering if you’ll end up with grief from some of the others if you allow this one “squeaky wheel.” 

Some people just can’t stand to be told “No.”  I too had “No children” at my wedding ’cause I can’t stand the distractions children can cause.  After all, most weddings don’t even last that long.  You’ve already made it possible for families to bring the kids…just not to the wedding itself.  Having provided a babysitter on the premises (and really close!) and even offering to pay for this one aunt’s child, you have done enough to appease most folks. 

Stick to your guns.  I would advise you to have the ushers be advised to NOT allow any children into the ceremony.

It is YOUR wedding; not your FI’s aunt’s!  She can make the rules when it’s her event!   Good Luck. 

Post # 4
Member
46411 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you don’t want to have this discussion, don’t have this discussion. ( To paraphrase the commercial).

Next time she brings this up, just say “We are not open to discussiing this. We have already communicated our decision.”

Just keep repeating those two sentences when she “buts” and “anyhows”.

If the aunt has the gall to walk out of the wedding because she her grandson is not invited, it will reflect on her,  not you.

It is sooooo difficult to deal with people who just can’t get it through their thick heads, that invitations are only meant for those whose names are on the envelope. Period.

Post # 6
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I just want to say I’m sorry that is happening! It’s your damn wedding and you should have it the way you want! Stand your ground, sister!!! =)

 

I think when you win this battle, they will be thankful to have time away from the kids. That’s my 2 cents =)

Post # 7
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ugh. That’s awful. Fiance and I are also doing no children (besides our ringbearer, and I’m going to make sure he’s in a room with a babysitter by 10pm). It’s not fair for people to ask you to make exceptions for them, especially over and over again. Stick to your guns!

Post # 8
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Tell her she can pay X amount for ALL of the children to come. Let her know that she needs to issue you and Fiance a check on X day before the inviations come out. 

It worked for us. FI’s uncle said he was offended his 5 children couldn’t come. Fiance told him its 50$ total for each child to eat (we played it up and added in table setting, cake, extra centerpiece ect.). Fiance told him the number of children that could potentially attend and if he wanted to bring his kids it would cost him the amount of all the others included. He has since shut the &*^& up. He was blabbing to every freaking family member that would listen about the Adults only requirement, we heard it though the grape vine serval times.

Let your Future Mother-In-Law know that this is your wedding and not hers. She got to do things how she wanted when she got married and now its your (and FI’s) turn. If she doesn’t like it then she needs to open up her check book and write out 10,000$.

My bloods starting to boil just thinking about FI’s uncle… gah!

Good luck! 🙂

Post # 9
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think before you tackle the issue with the Future Mother-In-Law, you need to get on the same page with your Fiance. Both of you need to communicate with her that no children are allowed and that’s final. If that means a guest does not want/can’t to attend, so be it. If your Future Mother-In-Law is sensing that your Fiance may give in to her demand, she is going to continue to push him or you until either she gets her way or it leads to a blow up between you and him.

Post # 10
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Oh, my God. This is a NIGHTMARE! : / I agree with @julies1949; just stop entertaining the subject entirely. Tell your FH to do the same. Heck, call up the errant guest & tell HER!

Post # 11
Member
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We are not having kids at the wedding. Period. Done. Our opinion is that people can suck it up…it’s important for our day to revolve around our friends and family enjoying themselves, and having small children furously running around detracts from that. If he’s old enough, let him come, if not, weigh the pros and cons of who you will offend…sticky situation!

Post # 12
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Ugh I’m sorry. We had a no children wedding, too and we did experience some backlash for it, but remained firm. I think you just have to do what other posters have suggested and when she brings it up, tell her she is aware of your decision, having one child there isn’t fair to everyone else who has children they’re leaving home, and you’re not willing to discuss this matter with her any further. She’s being very disrespectful toward you and she needs to let it go now–there will be times in your lives when you’re just going to have to agree to disagree, and this is YOUR day!

Post # 13
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My Fiance and I were struggling with that but a close friend said “ummm….I want a night AWAY from my kids…..I aint bringing them!!” I still say no. He says yes. We compromised and it will be family only. Well his family, and they are YOUNG.

You will NOT please everyone but once its done, everyone will say how beautiful it was and how delish those cupcakes were! 😉

Stick to you guns. If auntie doesn’t come, thats her loss, not yours. I cant imagine AYTHING keeping me from one of my nieces or nephew’s wedding. Someone will always have something to say. Too many cooks in the kitchen…..!! Its YOUR day, don’t let one person ruin it. <3

Post # 14
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Captain013:  It wouldn’t surprise me if she didn’t get to have things how she wanted at her wedding; I think there’s been a big shift in generations (over a few generations, not just one) about how we view weddings and I think we can see on the boards where all of the tension from that shift comes out.  It’s gone from being centered on the family to being centered on the couple (as it should be, imo) but it must really be hard for women who couldn’t have the weddings they wanted but don’t have it in their favor now that the younger generations has started having more choices.

OP’s Future Mother-In-Law is totally wrong, but it’s just something to consider.  If she’s coming at this from an angle where she really doesn’t emotionally understand that it’s about the couple, it could explain why she’s being so difficult about this.  (I really like your idea, btw!  I will try that next time someone tries something with me; “You want that?  It’s totally cool if you will pay for every guest to have that luxury, here’s what it will cost.”)

 

@SarahConnors:  Can you talk directly to Future Mother-In-Law or FAIL (Wow…future aunt-in-law is FAIL.  That’s kind of awesome) about how you feel it’s manipulative to say that she won’t come to the wedding if she can’t bring her grandson and how you really can’t make an exception because it wouldn’t be fair to other families and how you are trying your best to help accomodate them despite this?  That it’s really difficult because you want her there so badly and you love Fiance desperately but if you allow her son you need to allow everyone to bring their kids and you can’t afford it and your friends and family won’t understand you making an exception for her but not for their kids?  Maybe she’s angling to get you to pay to transport and board a known babysitter to act as an au pair.

Post # 16
Member
69 posts
Worker bee

My Fiance and I are in almost the exact same situation! We are having a Destination Wedding in Mexico and there are a couple of guests (FI’s brother) who is pretty much insisting on bringing his kids. Well, our wedding is at an adults only resort. There are no children allowed, even for weddings. Future Brother-In-Law knew this from the start but is bringing the kids to MX with no sitter. They are staying at a different place and plan on bringing the kids??

Fiance and I have been all out of sorts abou this. We have finally come to the conclusion of (no kids are allowed anyway) but telling our wedding coordinator and hotel about the situation and making sure that no matter what, they are not allowed in (they really shouldn’t be anyway since no kids allowed in hotel). And secondly, Fiance is going to have a very blunt convresation with him directly. He is going to tell him not to bring the kids to our wedding, and to please respect our wishes.We hate it since it’s FI’s brother, but they are being so weird and tacky about this. I seriously think it’s a power trip thing. They agreed a long time ago that they would not bring the kids, and now don’t want to leave them behind. The main reason is because the oldest one can’t behave! I’m tinking, why are you bringing her to our wedding if she can’t behave?

It’s a few hours. It’snot her wedding. If she can’t get a sitter, she shouldn’t come! My advice although it is difficult and awkward, go straight to the problem and address it. I would call her and just talk to her about it. Let her know that there are no children allowed. Ask her what her plans for a sitter are. If she has none, let her know she will not be able to come in to the ceremony!

The topic ‘Kids/No Kids- soooo need to vent!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors