(Closed) kind of a vent, but anyone else been in this situation?

posted 11 years ago in Family
Post # 3
3928 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I suggest just giving her a number of guests she can invite to both and then stick to that number. Let her know that funds are limited, even if they aren’t, and if she has issues with the number you give her, have your Fiance have a serious talk with her.

Post # 4
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Nothing is more irritating than relatives who have a “need” to invite list. Too bad, they aren’t helping pay for it! I am also having a small wedding (70 people) and that only includes family and a few of our friends. That’s it. There are a lot of friends that I’ve had in the past that I probably would invite if we were having a big wedding along with some of my parents friends. Your Future Mother-In-Law is sounding a little ridiculous!

I don’t have a problem being invited to a shower and not a wedding since I know what its like to be friends with someone to not have the funds to pay for more people to come. So if someone else is in the same boat as I am then at least they thought of me as a good enough friend to invite to their shower.


Post # 5
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I would be honest and upfront about it…that as much as you would like to invite everyone its impossible due to venue restrictions/finances. I would also insist that she stick to those that care invited to both. You’re not going to be able to please everyone.

Post # 6
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Sorry @bostonsmom , I can definitely sympathize, but no, I’ll ever have to be in that situation. My mom refuses to discuss my wedding with me (I think she thinks if she doesn’t I’ll change my mind or it magically won’t happen??) and my Future Mother-In-Law is deceased.

Are you on good enough terms with your Future Mother-In-Law to discuss the issue? Or is it better for your Fiance to discuss it with her?

Post # 7
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You can invite people to the shower without inviting them to the wedding as long as you’re upfront about it. If they know in advance and don’t care, it’s not a problem. Just be prepared for backlash if they think they should be invited to both.

I wound up having to explain the rule about not inviting all of your friends to the shower when they’re not invited to the wedding to my Future Mother-In-Law. She was planning a huge shower for all her friends who I’ve never met. Now, because she doesn’t want to not invite her friends and is making this party all about her, she’s throwing a big, yay they’re getting married party…for all her friends.

Post # 8
725 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Another option: when my brother and sister-in-law were getting married, my mom had a bunch of friends that she knew would not be invited to the wedding (with their husbands, it would have been an extra 50 people), but she still wanted them to meet my sister-in-law and celebrate with her. Instead of a traditional shower, my mom’s friends hosted a ladies luncheon, with no gifts expected. That way, her friends were included in some of the wedding activities but it didn’t come off as a gift grab.

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