(Closed) Kind of a vent, can any bees relate?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
40 posts
Newbee

I know how you feel. I felt simillarly when my brother and his wife got married. My bf and I had been together for about four years at the time, and they had been together less than a year (but living together, which does speed things up). In the end you just have to remember that your relationship is your own, is unique to you two, and that two other people chosing to get engaged has no bearing on your own relationship, doesn’t make your own any less special etc.

I know it hurts pretty bad when it feels like other people are leaping ahead while you’re left behind, but just because that decision is ‘right’ for them, doesn’t mean it’s ‘right’ or what works for you guys. Take some time to be mopey if needs be beforehand, have a wine, some choccy, whatever – exorcise those green-eyed monsters so you can be chill and happy for her when you see her 🙂 Your turn will come.

Post # 4
Member
219 posts
Helper bee

I am in the almost the exact same situation- a good friend, my age, been together 1 year less- not in the same state- and I’m thrilled for her- almost everything!  I don’t have a great solution because I have those jealous feelings sometimes too and even though I don’t want them, they are there.  Even though I know it’s not a race, comparisons are just natural.  I think it’s best to acknowledge your feelings (to yourself, not your friend), but try not to dwell on them.

It is especially hard for me because this girl was the one person in real life with whom I have been totally open with about the waiting thing.  Now I am afraid to talk about it with her anymore because I don’t want to make her feel bad or think that I am anything but happy for her.  I wonder if your friend may have been a confidant for you on the waiting journey, and perhaps you miss having that camaraderie?

Post # 6
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I had a problem with that little green monster too.  One of my aquaintances that shares a class with me told me that she found out her boyfriend was going to propose to her last weekend.  Needless to say, I was more than a little jelly :(.  I was happy for her, but I was awestruck that she would get her ring first!  Anyway, not only did I find out that the proposal didn’t happen, but her boyfriend wrecked their friends car and now he has to pay for that first so she has to wait even longer.  I feel horrible for not being ecstatic when she originally told me, but at least I get a chance to try again!

 

Post # 7
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I know how this feels! Really good friends of mine got engaged last week after 9 whole years together. I was super excited for them and I have been chatting with her heaps about how it all went down, the ring, etc but my boyfriend could tell I was a bit upset about it. He said “Are you sad” and I was honest and said yes. I just said I am thrilled for them but I just can’t help being a little sad because I want it to be our turn. He said its not a competition, which made me feel really bad because that wasn’t how I meant it! I really just want him to feel ready and to ask me because I am ready to tell the world how I feel about him!

Post # 9
Member
2729 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I know EXACTLY how you feel! My BEST friend got engaged a couple months ago. She got engaged exactly a month after me and BF’s second anniversary, and less than a month before my birthday. I didn’t get engaged on either of those occassions :/

I was suuuuper excited for her as soon as it happened, but then I got hit with this crazy wave of jealousy. I really hated it, so I took to the Bee to see what they said about jealousy. Someone had posted that the best way they had found to deal with jealousy like that was to just go with it. Let yourself feel jealous for a little while, and don’t try to fight it, and it will fade. That’s exactly what I did. I just let myself be a bitter, jealous BITCH for about a day and a half, but after that I was totally fine. I just saw her a couple days ago and I still have an overwhelming urge to grab her hand and ooh and ahh over her amazing ring and just talk wedding talk till the cows come home, but I resist. Haha. 

So yeah, that’s my advice, just let yourself feel the jealousy. It will pass, I promise! 🙂

Post # 10
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

ah, hun! we are here for you! For me I would just feel SO LOW but excited for them. I am the last of all my groups of friends to get married and it’s been 10 years of “you’re engaged yay!! I’m gonna be single forever (less enthusiastic yay)

Post # 11
Member
1367 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I just wanted to say, You are NOT alone!!! Don’t feel bad for feeling a little jealous. Actually, I think you are handling it very well.

Post # 12
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This happened to 2 of my friends before I got engaged, including a friend who knew her Fiance for like 3 months before their engagement, compared to my 6 years. I feel your pain! 

Post # 13
Member
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

I totally understand. I actually managed to avoid the jealousy bug until one of my friends, who was also in a LDR, got engaged. It made me wonder why they managed to get it together so much faster than the mister and I did. I was genuinely excited but sometimes I had to psyche myself up you know? But at least you have some time before your friend gets back to town so hopefully most of the feelings will pass before then 🙂

Post # 14
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m in a similar situation.

My SO’s brother proposed to his girlfriend of about 6 months a few weeks ago. My SO is the oldest and I always thought we would be the ones going through everything first. Not that ours will be any less special, but one of the things I love about being the oldest child is that we are usually the ones to have the special moments first (cars, proms, weddings!). So when his brother proposed (with the exact ring that I wanted, by the way) I got really upset. I didn’t want to say anything to my SO because I didn’t want him to feel like I was pressuring him so I sort of just didn’t talk. For hours. And then he knew something was wrong :-P. He asked me about it and I told him what I was upset about. Then he said, “well, you know ours is coming. It’s not a race.” And I never meant it to be one. I just always thought I’d be the first one to take his mom to try on dresses and be the first daughter-in-law. Especially since I’ve been around longer! 

I’ve been fine about their engagement for a while now, but SO told me last night that their wedding is set for October of next year. Guess when I wanted our wedding to be? So the green-eyed-monster is back for me. I’ll get over it, but I know how hard it all is. You are definitely not alone! 

Post # 15
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Ha, I got jealous of a CHARACTER ON TV last night who got engaged!  I think when you’re waiting for anything (an engagement, a new phone, to leave work – ANYTHING) and someone gets it before you do, it’s natural to feel jealous.  That doesn’t mean you’re not happy for her and that doesn’t mean you are going to ruin this special time for her (or steal her thunder, as Monica and Rachel would put it) – just don’t complain and make her feel bad or anything like that.

Post # 16
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think the worst part about waiting is the fact that it starts to doubt your own relationship, as you question why you haven’t progressed to a certain point, whereas your friends have.  It can be difficult, but really try and stay positive and remember why you are together in the first place – why you make a good match!  If you know the two of you want a future together, it will happen eventually!  It’s all about being patient, which can be such a pain, but for me it all sort of happened once I relaxed and forgot about it.

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