(Closed) Kind of Disappointed

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
4575 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

First of, congratulations and I really hope you get your BFP right away πŸ˜‰ Now, about your friend, its sad that she reacted like that, but after you said that she is still single then it really doesnt surprise me. No all singles ladies would react like that, but I think because you are moving on with your life and she isnt, she prob just felt like raining in your parade.  When I told my BFF that we were ready TTC the first thing she said to me was “yes, I cannot wait for you to as miserable as me with a kid hahaha and you prob are going to get fat like me and you wont be able to drop the weight”…that hurt me.  Meanwhile, when I told my other friend who is single she said “yay!! I pray you have a baby soon and i can spoile your baby”…..i think people who arent happy with their lives try to put others down and the ones who are happy with their lives, are happy for others as well.  Just brush it off.  I feel bad for you friend. One day she will understand.  Again, best wishes, lady πŸ˜‰

Post # 4
1285 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh wow, that is rough! I’ve learned that people who either don’t have kids or have never actively TTC really don’t ‘get it’. They don’t know the excitement, the feeling that is ‘right’, the love you feel towards a person when you decide “I want to make a baby and parent with you”, or the anxiety, pressure and emotions that go into it.

Try to let it slide that she just isn’t at that place in her life right now and you momentarily won’t be able to share 100% of your life with her. If you do want to share the experience (which I recommend to spread it out so your Darling Husband gets a little break), maybe you have a friend or relative who is a mom or is TTC now who will understand. Also, please feel free to stick around on the TTC boards.

Congrats on deciding to TTC! Hope it is a quick and easy process for you.

Post # 5
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Songbird29:  I’m sorry you had this reaction, I’m ttc soon and I’m in a similar situation. All my friends are single and no where ttc stages yet, so I feel like in real life I have to play down how close to trying to get pregnant which sucks because I almost feel like i’d like the support.

Whenever I try and broach the subject I get “why would you want to tie yourself down and miss out on all the wild nights we have?”- don’t get me wrong I love the social life I have now, it’s just time for me to move on to the next chapter.

From the sounds of it- as you say your friend is your age and single, I’d say your friends reaction is that of someone who is jealous. Nobodys at fault for her reaction or yours. Friends are usually quite good at being happy for you about something, but when it’s something they also want for themselves, then the happiness is over shadowed by jealousy.

It’ll change up over time, and certainly when your preggo, but until then, the bee is a great place to chat about ttc to your hearts content πŸ™‚

Post # 7
8146 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

eesh, i know some people who may have reacted the same way.. asking whats the rush. maybe she’s sad/jealous that you are at this point in your life and she is not?

Post # 8
1213 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

Firstly, congratulations and best of luck to you in your TTC journey.  In all honesty, it seems like your friend is very jealous.  You mentioned she is your age and isn’t even in a relationship…. maybe she all of a sudden felt like “oh crap I better get going with my life” once you told her your plans.  It’s a shame she’s acting this way but don’t let it affect your plans with hubby.  Have fun BDing!

Post # 9
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think this was an extremely insensitive way to react to your news.  You are her friend and she should be happy for you when you’re so obviously happy for yourself.  And she probably should recognize that this is a big step in your life.


However, I see other posters going the “she must be jealous” route, and I’d tread very carefully with that.  One of my biggest pet peeves is when people automatically equate disinterest or distaste with jealousy.  I see it a lot on the ‘Bee.  “She hates my ring, she must be jealous.”  “She doesn’t get along with my fiance, she must be jealous.”  I’d be careful with this sort of thinking, because it can be extremely insulting to insinuate this, especially if it’s not the case.  (Not that I’m saying you’d call her up and call her jealous right to her face, of course!  I’m just trying to give you something else to think about.)  It’s just as possible that she truly doesn’t understand why you’d want a baby.  Some people don’t want that for themselves, for various (valid) reasons.


That being said, I do think she was extremely insensitive and rude in the way she reacted to something that was so obviously important to you.  Bottom line is, she’s your friend and should be supportive.  I think the best thing to do is just to step back, give your relationship with her some space, and stop confiding your TTC journey with her.  I think it would be worse to share that special time with someone who’s going to put you down for it than to keep it to yourself entirely.


Post # 10
7394 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@diplomatswife:  ITA! Sorry you didnt get the reaction you were expecting. Go luck on your journey.

Post # 12
529 posts
Busy bee

@Songbird29:  I know what you mean about completely changing the ttc outlook once married. I was the same, and even my husband couldn’t understand the sudden change, the irrational need to want to have a child, and the sudden obsession with all things baby.

Maybe your friend just needs some time and space to adjust to the fact that you do want to settle down and have a family, and your priorities in life have changed. She may just be having a hard time relating.

Post # 13
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Songbird29:  Yep, that could be.  It’s also possible that she feels a bit left out, even if what you and your other friend have is not something she wants.  Like, I have absolutely no desire to go to law school.  But if my two best friends that I grew up with decided to go to law school and were all excited about it and were maybe even bonding a bit more because of it, I’d probably feel a teensy bit left out, even though I’d have no desire for what they had.  Does that make sense?

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