(Closed) kind of embaressing

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Honey, the wedding is 9 months away! It’s not exactly right around the corner.

Talk to your Fiance about it! The more honest you are about how you’re feeling, (that you’re nervous and feel like you’re not sure how it’s all supposed to go) the less pressure you will feel on yourself. But honestly, most of the time the pressure to “perform” is on guys. I kinda doubt he’s expecting you to hop on and “reverse-cowgirl” him for your very first time.

Is it going to be his first time as well? If so, then you definitely have NOTHING to worry about!

Post # 5
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Ahh, so is that why you’re getting a little freaked out? Cause he’s experienced and you’re not? I really would try to not worry about it. He’s a good, decent man — otherwise you wouldn’t be marrying him, right? So, he’s sure to be super understanding of what you must be going through being nervous about your first time. Again, tell him how you feel, even during the act! If you feel like you need to slow down, or do something different, or if something’s uncomfortable — he should understand! And don’t worry about trying to impress him, I’m sure he will looove teaching you how it’s done. πŸ˜‰

Post # 7
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Aw no problem! Well, as far as pain, everyone’s experience is different. Some girls will tell you scary things like they bled on the sheets and it hurt a ton, while others will say they felt nothing. My first left me a little sore after but that’s all. But as far as worrying about your part in it — I wouldn’t. Just let him do his thing. You’ll probably do just basic missionary I would imagine, and then you won’t have to do very much at all! πŸ˜€

Post # 8
Member
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@sunshine82: The first time doesn’t always suck. Mine was special and amazing and yours will too (It can suck if it’s not planned or you’re too young, the guy is not nice, you are at a party in a hallway etc). You will have just married the man you love and will finally be able to give all of yourself to him. No rush, nothing to do the next day, just taking it slow and enjoying each other. It probably won’t be amazing sex – that will come later. But it will be intimate and you will feel this amazing exchange of trust. 

Just talk to him about the fact that you’re nervous and want to take it slow. He will enjoy introducing you to the intimacy so much that he won’t be thinking about your “performance”. The first time isn’t really about performance, it’s just about the two of you. 

On the honeymoon you can experiment and try things and you will learn. Sex is just like anything else, you have to practice. Good thing is the practice is so fun! He knows that you haven’t had practice and will enjoy teaching you. And if you do do something that isn’t great (i.e. farting in bed) – just laugh! You have married this man so you are obviously comfortable with him, if you can’t laugh during sex then you are taking it too seriously. 

I’ll be honest, you’ll probably hurt him at some point (god knows I have, and will continue to do so) you don’t mean to do it but it happens (I’m very clumsy). You just kiss him and apologise and give him a minute. That’s the worst that can happen and he’ll be over it and ready to start again very soon.

I know that you will have an amazing night with the man you love and it will be special and wonderful. Then in a few months you’ll wonder what you were so nervous about! Good luck, you’ll be fine. πŸ™‚

Post # 9
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Easier said than done, but don’t put TOO much pressure on the “wedding night” (also, just a reminder: it’s okay not to have sex on the wedding night). I agree with Miss Mango–talk to your Fiance about your feelings. 

Chances are, your first time will be great, but even if it doesn’t go exactly as you imagined, it’s okay. Plenty of ladies will tell you that their first time with their now-husbands was wonderful, but quite a few will tell you that the first time wasn’t the best and had to do a little work on it. That’s okay–and the ‘work’ is fun too! I’m not saying that your first time with your FI/DH won’t be fantastic, just pointing out that the first time doesn’t define you as a sexual person or him, your intimacy, or your relationship. It’s just the first time. And like everything else in your marriage, your sex life will develop and change as well–there will be times in the future that will surprise you and may feel, even after years of being together, like the “first time” anyway. 

So don’t worry too much πŸ™‚

Post # 10
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Don’t worry too much! I would just make sure you are educated so you know enough to have fun. I made sure I was, and although it was a bit painful, it was also beautiful and so much fun!

Just relax and enjoy it. I don’t mean to get too graphic- but I found that it was a lot easier if he was on top the first few times. Tell him if he’s going too fast or hard- but if he’s experienced, I’m sure he knows to take it slow and go easy.

Post # 11
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

Just relax! And know that not all first times are painful and awkward–mine wasn’t.  It wasn’t that good because we were both virgins before that, but I didn’t bleed and was not sore during or after. (But we also did a lot of foreplay things for YEARS before we had sex, so we were very comfortable with each other already.)  He’s obviously a good guy if you’re marrying him and he didn’t pressure you into having sex before marriage.  He’ll understand if you’re nervous and just keep communicating if something doesn’t feel right or whatever.  And just so you know, 90% of the time, my SO is doing all the work, so you can totally get away with not busting out any moves and being on the bottom the first few times. Wink

Post # 12
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

My advice? Let him know that you’re nervous! And if you’re too nervous or wound up or whatever on the wedding night, don’t stress yourself out over feeling like it has to happen.

A not-so-secret secret in the wedding world? A LOT of couples don’t have sex on the night of the wedding!

My husband and I didn’t. We were both virgins when we got married, and for us, it was just too stressful to try and “make it happen” that night. We were exhausted, it was late, and we had to get up early in the morning (to catch a flight). It was much easier and more comfortable for us to just make out, cuddle and do stuff we were familiar with – and the sex came a lot more naturally when we did it the second night, haha, with more time, less pressure, and more desire for each other. πŸ™‚

Post # 13
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

I would also like to add that it helps if you are familiar with you own body…if you get what I mean.

Post # 14
Member
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Tunacupcakes: I agree that it helps but if you are uncomfortable with it or the thought stresses you out, then don’t worry about it. So people just aren’t as comfortable with DIY. But if you want to try it – go for it!

 

Post # 15
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@sunshine82: As a newleywed who was also a virgin on her wedding night, I can tell you that for me it did not hurt at all. You may have a different experience than I did, but at the end of the day, your DH is the one you love and trust and I’m sure he’ll be understanding with you and go slowly.

Also, (TMI alert) use lots of lube.

Darling Husband was a virgin too and he was very gentle.

Hope that helps. GL!

Post # 16
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Agree with MrsEggs about the lube.  And frankly, you have some 50+ years of sex to look forward to with this guy, so try not to put too much pressure on the first couple times.  My first time was rather shaky, as we were both virgins and quite awkward – it didn’t work perfectly (we were so nervous I was dry as a bone and he…had trouble too).  Eventually we gave up, took a shower together, and made breakfast.  After a few tries it started working well, and I still look back on my first time as a wonderful experience – we were intimate, we bonded by laughing off an awkward situation, our first shower together, and he made me cheesy eggs.  So try not to put too much pressure on yourself!

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