Post # 1
Almost three years ago my oldest friend says “If you ever got married, I would be your Maid/Matron of Honor, right?” I said sure and through odd coincidence met my fiance a month later. It is now over two years later and her tendency of going through phases where she does not keep in touch has made her difficult to rely on for support. One example: My grandmother dies, she talks to me for 20 minutes, says she will call back, doesn’t, and never even asks about it or if I’m doing alright when I try to get back in touch with her.
Finally sent her an email about setting aside the whole Maid/Matron of Honor thing and left it open to discuss again if/when it makes sense, and had a candid convo about the pattern of not making an effort to keep in touch. Honestly don’t think she really understood what she was getting herself into with being Maid/Matron of Honor. My wedding is next year – so she didn’t pay into any expenses. And, despite some not so wonderful revelations in the overall discussion, we mostly left things on a we both care about each other note.
My question: What should I do now that I do not have a MOH?
The bridesmaids are all family (2 sisters-in-law/ 1 future one) and my other friends aren’t really interested in being BMs in general but are typically really helpful. It seems like maybe I should just go without a Maid/Matron of Honor. Would it be rude to ask if the other BMs could take over the typical Maid/Matron of Honor responsibilities or ask if my friends would like to be involved? Should I just take care of that stuff myself?
Also, since I care about this friend despite our differences, I’m assuming it wouldn’t be weird to still invite her to the wedding and pre-wedding stuff (bachelorette party/bridal shower)?
Any thoughts or insights would be really helpful.
Post # 3
@jstJune2014lovesM: your Maid/Matron of Honor only needs to show up for pictures, and sign the certificate. you can still have her in it, but with so much tiem to go you can replace her if that is the route you choose
Post # 4
This is a difficult situation.
First of all, I’m not exactly sure how it was left based on your post and if you are still friends then you could still invite her to the bachelorette/other activities. I would say that if it didn’t end well it may be awkward to have her at events traditionally included in bridal party duties.
Second, I don’t know how traditional your family is, but you could consider including a brother or someone who is very close to you in the ‘MOH’ role. I don’t know if this would work for you but just an idea. Some women have a really close male friend but not so many female friends who they would want in that role. Or they have a brother but no sisters.
Lastly, I’m sure you could ask your friends to help you with typical MOH/bridesmaid duties. I’m sure a few of them have probably already asked if they can do anything and if they haven’t they shouldn’t mind being approached. I just wouldn’t get carried away with asking for big things or ‘overuse’ friends who don’t have the title of bridesmaid.
Post # 5
@jilian.parzych: Things were left okay between us… She talked about scheduling monthly calls to keep in touch, but mostly it seemed like while we are still friends we are probably going to drift for a while. Since she lives pretty far away my thought was that for at least the bachelorette party where there will be a lot of friends it might be nice to invite her and maybe just say that there is no pressure since I know it would be a hike to come out so she doesn’t feel obligated. I’m just worried that she will feel completely cut out otherwise. And while we have different viewpoints about many things, she is still my oldest friend. I csn see what you mean about it being awkward potentially. Do you think it might be worse though not to invite her?
Post # 6
@jstJune2014lovesM: It depends what you mean by “typical Maid/Matron of Honor responsibilties”. If you mean wedding planning in general, most people think this is the responsibility of the bride and groom, not the Maid/Matron of Honor. If you mean just the bachelorette party and bridal shower, it is easy for bridesmaids to share this.
Yes it is fine to invite your friend (and any other non bridesmaids) to these events.